Naturally, we get our share of people who write in to express some extreme dissatisfaction with a cruise they have just taken. Most of the time they are first-time cruisers, but not always. Sometimes they are very experienced.

Obviously, we can tell the difference. The first-time cruiser will list things we already knew: the cabins were small, the food in the buffet area resembled a cafeteria, they had to tip the bartenders, waiters, room stewards, etc. In most cases these people have a laundry list of every little thing they can think of that was bad, and it starts with the first day.

They often complain about nickel and diming, and woe to the room service department who screwed up an order. These complaining reviews almost always cite a “terrible odor in the hallways,” and a “stray pubic hair” appearing in the bathroom mysteriously. My favorite line is, “I know what my public hair looks like, and it wasn’t mine!”

What I don’t get is why these people don’t understand it was hiding behind the faucet and came out when the stewardess was cleaning up the sink - it wasn’t newly deposited. It’s as if they think Justice Clarence Thomas snuck into their cabin while they were at the pool and left the public hair there for their amusement.

I understand people being dissatisfied - a cruise for 10 people can be very expensive, and of course these people often claim they were the ones footing the bill for everyone. Still, anything you try in life can potentially go bad.

So, what does it take to ruin a cruise for you?

For me, long waits is a big turnoff. Like waiting 40 minutes between courses in the dining room. Even worse is a waiter who brings your entrees but does not check back to see if you are OK or need anything else, like a fork. Have you ever been practically standing on your chair waving a napkin trying to get attention from a waiter but they seem to have tunnel vision and somehow you are invisible? Frustrating. Worst is not having the special espresso coffee I ordered show up at the same time as my dessert.

One thing I have learned the hard way is that you have to pay attention, especially to the daily schedules known as “The Blabbers,” or “Cruise Connection” or what have you. Generally, everything you need to know is in there, but you need to study it pretty well beginning with the first day, and not just when you think you need to find something out. It is a good idea to read that thing front to back every night just in case there is something in there you missed.

The one thing I have learned is that you cannot change a bad cruise once it is over. Good luck even trying to complain about such a situation. If you didn’t notice the galley tour was listed and missed it, no one is going to give you a free cruise just to make sure you see it next time. Even if they had the time wrong and you showed up, if you don’t see the tour commencing and you just go back to your cabin without asking someone WHY the tour isn’t going off, then don’t expect much satisfaction after the fact. In truth, I have seen people writing complaint letters until they are blue in the face about situations like this and after the cruise line says “sorry, we did the best we could” once or twice they just aren’t going to do any more for you, so you’d better get over it.

And that is the key - a bad cruise must be rectified on the spot because they are far less likely to try to fix something after the fact then they are at the time.

The most frustrating cruise is when you have an incompetent in a certain job, whether it is a shore excursion manager, a head waiter or room steward. If you have a situation where the same person makes mistakes that affect you negatively over and over, I suggest you take it over their heads or risk having a bad cruise. Yes, you are going to get them in trouble, but there is a good chance they are already on the brink anyway. Incompetence is not a mistake, it is an art finely honed with years of excuse making and responsibility shifting in the making.

No cruise line wants you to have a bad cruise. They are not just out to get your money and hope you won’t come back again. Cruise lines live by return business, and if you are not satisfied they want to know why. Sometimes it requires a little patience on your part onboard, taking time to complain about a problem during your vacation, but believe me, the frustration is far less than what you will feel if you end the cruise without having spoken up and then try to fix things after the fact. It just doesn’t work that way.

The comment cards are very important - they do read them. But keep in mind they only come at the end of the cruise. They are there to help the cruise line, not you. Still, if you had a bad experience with someone on board do tell them about it. By the same token always point out someone you appreciated a great deal.

And here is an important detail, just in case you didn’t know (less experienced cruisers take note). Not every crewmember is going to have answers to your questions. Do not expect a waiter to know what time a tour leaves the next day - he honestly has NO idea. But there is one area where the answer “I don’t know” is not acceptable - the front desk. They are supposed to help you answer any question you may have. If you get a front desk person who doesn’t know the answer to your question ask then to find out for you. That is their job.

And that is another thing that I find annoying - the non-call back. Say you have a complaint like “our faucet is dripping non-stop” and you tell the front desk. They should be able to give you a time when that will be fixed. If it isn’t done then they dropped the ball. The next time you complain tell them you already mentioned it once and have been waiting for a response, and that this time you want to know exactly when it is going to be fixed. They will have to pick up the phone and call maintenance. If they didn’t do that the first time they are probably new and still suffering from job insecurity. Help them get over it, it is for their own good.

Now, this doesn’t mean you can’t be nice. The vast majority of people working on ships take a lot of pride in their jobs. The only time you have screw-ups is when someone is new, or else they have been around for too long and they are jaded. Jaded people do not last long on ships (good thing) becsue cruisers complain and they have high expectations. People who work on ships know this and they do their jobs accordingly. That is how it should be and that is what you should expect. But you can be nice about it. After all, it is a rare business these days that actually cares what the customer thinks, and you can get a certain satisfaction out of that as well.

In last week’s Blog we talked about the “Demise of Traditional Cruise Dining”, and included some discussion of the moves being made within the industry that I viewed as moving closer to a amusement park or resort mentality/atmosphere onboard.

Somewhat in that vein, this week’s Blog follows up on those thoughts talking about the possible demise of recommended dress codes on cruises.  Even before the industry began the attempt to “resortify” cruise ships, most lines had begun broadening their rules and regulations as define acceptable dress guidelines for passengers.

Less than a decade ago the vast majority of cruise lines still had pretty well defined guidelines addressing the type of clothing that they would like to see their passengers wearing when entering the dining rooms, and for the duration of the evening. A typical seven day cruise included 2 nights of formal wear, where tuxedos for the men was most certainly encouraged, and dark suits deemed acceptable, and seeing the ladies in gowns was quite commonplace, as well there were 2 informal (or semi-formal) nights, meaning men were expected to wear sports coats as well as shirt and tie. The remaining 3 nights were “resort casual”; which translated to khaki slacks and collared shirts for men, and matching type of attire for the ladies. Any kind of blue jeans, shorts, or T-shirts were frowned upon. The “casual nights” were the first night of the cruise as people were settling in, and the last night of the cruise - as people had to pack for departure the next day, and one other night during the cruise.

The “dress code” landscape has changed quite dramatically in recent years. Some will argue that it was part of the “dumbing-down” of the industry, as it strived to reach further into the general vacation market; to attract new people to cruising.  Others would argue it was the cruise lines responding to the wishes of it’s passengers. Whichever is the reality of the case, the cruise lines got very lucky with the timing of the metamorphosis of their dress codes in conjunction with the airlines first beginning to impose weight restrictions on their passenger’s luggage, and more recently charging extra for checked bags.

Therefore any backlash they may have experienced from the “ dress-code traditionalists” has been blunted by passengers acceptance of the restrictive policies put in place by the airlines.

(How amazing that airline passengers accept these changes with a shrug of the shoulders at check in, yet on a ship they’ll stand in line for an hour to complain about the slightest change to any change in policy different from the last time they cruised?)

Wearing my “old curmudgeon” hat once again, I have to wonder … just how far is the relaxing of the “dress codes” going to go?

In regard to relaxing of dress codes, Norwegian Cruise Line was once again the innovator (instigator) when they introduced “Freestyle Cruising”, they all told their guests they could dress how they wished for while dining as well… with the exception of blue jeans and shorts in the dining rooms and restaurants in the evening.

The other cruise lines have followed along, though some more slowly than others. Slowly tuxedos have more or less disappeared from the cruise industry landscape (with the exception of some luxury lines). Though still called “formal night” just about anything short of coveralls and a painter’s cap is now deemed acceptable for diners entering the dining room. Semi-formal has come to mean a sports jacket, with no tie required… but in most cases if you show up to the dining room clothed you’re welcomed by the Maitre D’.

In the spring of 2008 Carnival took perhaps the boldest step basically removing any real structure to their dress code policies. Formal nights were no longer called “formal nights”. They dubbed them “elegant nights”, telling guests if they wish to dress formally, feel free to do so, but other than torn blue jeans, sleeveless T shirts, shorts, and ball caps, guests could wear whatever they please. And for the first time on a major cruise line shorts were made acceptable attire for the dining room on casual nights…. Which is now all nights, other than the “elegant” nights on a cruise.

I recall even a decade ago my own mantra about cruise line dress codes was… why have them, and publish them in the ship’s daily schedules, if they weren’t going to enforce them? Even with the relaxing of the dress codes, that question still seems to have some validity. As the cruise lines have relaxed the “codes”, the passengers seem to want to push that envelope even further, to see just how much further underdressed they can get. The argument seems to be that cruise passengers simply want to be dressed comfortably. The problem with that seems to be whether passengers in general are responsible enough to determine what is comfortable for them, yet still socially acceptable. I know we certainly like to think we are. However there’s so many varying opinions on what’s acceptable. Some people say that it’s fine for people to wear whatever they want as long as it’s clean…then who determines cleanliness? Some people say that, of course, people should be dressed neatly, but no cut-off jeans, or gym shorts should be allowed. Just where is the line in the sand if there is one?

The point is there are always judgements to make as to what the final “bottom line” should be when covering our bottoms. As the cruise lines move to making cruises more similar to a resort experience, the dress guidelines are moving in that direction as well.

I suppose I question just what level of “casual dress” is going to be the mean in the cruise industry?  I’ve personally judged my attire for any restaurant or dining room (on land or at sea) in one way… thinking I should be dressed at least as well as the staff serving me.

What do our cruisemates think? Should everyone be allowed to dress however they please on cruise ships, with no restrictions at all? Should it matter at all to us how those seated next to us in a dining room are dressed?

I predict that this movement to dress down will certainly continue and gain momentum, and in the not too distant future, with rare exception, we’ll see the demise of any “dress codes” and “suggested dress codes” on cruise ships. Does that prospect worry you, or appeal to you?

- A View From the Kuki Side of Cruising -

What you may not know about the Cruise Crime Bill of 2009 - and why you need to follow this issue.

Among a laundry list of other “improvements” to cruise ship safety, the Cruise Crime Act of 2009 will require cruise lines to process and report every single baseless, uninvestigated and non-adjuducated complaint ever reported on all ships. This burdensome requirement is unlike anything any other travel industry has to comply with. So, how did this cruise bill get so far? maybe because we cruise lovers have not been paying enough attention to it.

The Cruise Crime Safety Act of 2009 is under consideration again this week, and it is another version of the last year’s Congressional cruise bills. But this year it is mainly being pushed by a few trial lawyers who specialize in suing the cruise lines. These men are naturally persuasive, after all, they sue the cruise lines for a living. They know exactly what needs to be pushed through Congress in order to achieve wild success.

This year the lawyers are giddy about finally getting the support of more people who have no care about the cruise industry other than to see them as easy pickings for trial attorneys. These people do not care about insurance rates or legal expenses driving up the cost of our cruise tickets. They would rather drive the cruise companies out of business.

The proponents of the bill want us to forget Constitutional Article III; where our nation agrees to abide by International treaties and law, and which gives the Federal branch jurisdiction over maritime law. They want ignore the fact that the United States is a signateur to the Death on the High Seas Act (DOHSA) and the Athens Convention, two international treaties the U.S. has followed for several decades now - fully complaint with International Law.

Proponents of the bill wrongly claim there is a massive cover up of crime on cruise ships, so they want to require the industry to compile and publish “all reported crime incidents” on all cruise ships whether or not they involve a U.S. citizen. That means all reports, from “someone stole my sunglasses” to “a guy kissed me on the cheek when I said no” will now get the as much attention as a serious molestation charge. Every conceivable “crime” any passenger chooses to report will have to be documented, and even PUBLISHED for public consumption on the World Wide Web.

Typical Anti-cruise rhetoric:

I just read the transcript of a self-proclaimed cruise lawyer talking about cruise ships on a radio show, he made the following statements:

“The congress has put limits on how much you can sue for”
Not exactly. Our country subscribes to the International treaties of the Athens Convention and the DOHSA as mandated in Article III of the Constitution. The current laws are fully in keeping with International law - the direction for which Obama was elected.

“And yes, put up a higher railing because some of our people, you know, depending on how tall they are, they can fall over the railing.”
Patently ridiculous and untrue. No one has ever fallen over a railing because they were tall people. This is your biggest clue this man is basically just a fabricator - this is a wholly false and unsubstantiated statement, which no one challenged on the radio program.

“There are thieves on board”
Cruise ships are not dens for thieves, this is scaremongering. CruiseMates already warns people not to bring valuables onboard and also to use the safes. What more could a cruise line possibly do? Do you want security cameras in the cabins? In my experience far more thefts occur while your bags are checked in with an airline than on a cruise ship.

“You have a lot of assaults and a lot of rapes. And, people can’t do much, especially if they’re part of the crew”
Figures please? This is a harsh accusation which absolutely should not be said without putting the statistics on the table. “A lot” compare to what? I disagree that ships have “a lot ” of rapes. They have more sexual assaults than other crimes by far, but no more rapes per person than any other similar human population. This only goes to show you how relatively safe from other common crimes you are on a cruise ship.

Regarding crime on ships, this bill mandates EVERYTHING that happens must be reported to the Federal government, and failure to do so results in a substantial monetary fines againt the cruise line. As far as I know even public schools are not held to such a strict standard.

This same lawyer next says:

“You [cruise lines] better not try to cover it up, and you better report to the Coast Guard, the FBI, Homeland Security.” Cruise lines already DO report ANY crime that involves a US citizen to the FBI. They also send all of their ship passenger manifests to Dept. Homeland Security before the ship sails. If a person goes overboard they notify the Coast Guard immediately.

So, basically, this lawyer is once again scaremongering about how “bad” cruise lines are when in fact they are already doing everything he says they’d “better do or pay a fine” under this new law.

As far as sexual assault on cruise ships goes… Princess just recently turned in one of their own staff for a date rape situation after a private dinner. Coincidentally, this case fits ALL of the elements where such attorneys claim cruise lines “cover up.”

It was a consentual dinner with the two people alone. Although syill in trial, the crewmember was arrested as soon as the woman reported the incident, the ship isolated him and the crime scene, gave her a rape kit exam, turned the perp over to the FBI who later investigated, and now that man is in jail and on trial.

The cruise ship had every chance to cover up, send the perp home and tell the victim “we believe it was consensual” or “It’s a he said/she said.” This is exactly what the cruise victims claim the cruise ships “always” do.

But no. So, I ask you again… Where is the vast cruise line conspiracy to cover up crimes???

The FBI is More than Enough!

Our Constitution is an amazing Document:

Article III, Section 1.
The judicial Power of the United States, shall be vested in one supreme Court, and in such inferior Courts as the Congress may from time to time ordain and establish. The Judges, both of the supreme and inferior Courts, shall hold their Offices during good Behaviour, and shall, at stated Times, receive for their Services, a Compensation, which shall not be diminished during their Continuance in Office.

Section 2.
The judicial Power shall extend to all Cases, in Law and Equity, arising under this Constitution, the Laws of the United States, and Treaties made, or which shall be made, under their Authority;–to all Cases affecting Ambassadors, other public ministers and Consuls;–to all Cases of admiralty and maritime Jurisdiction;–

In just two consecutive paragraphs you have a federal court that obeys treaties and handles maritime law. Every US citizen has the full power of the FBI behind them when reporting these crimes, the FBI can and will collect evidence, arrest and even bring charges in federal court.

The FBI does an excellent job in handing these cases, as they should since high seas crime has fallen under their federal jurisdiction since the Constitution was written and the Bureau started.

Listen to the testimony of Jennifer Hagel Smith, whose husband George went overboard mysteriously in the Mediterranean in 2005:

“I was working side by side with the FBI. I was very confident in the FBI all along. I have to say that. I really think that they are just a stand-up organization. I did believe in everything they were doing and I felt like they were going to follow every possible lead. And’s what they do. They exhaust until there is no more.” (from the Smith Settlement Agreement hearing)

But this new bill requires that ALL crimes reported must be made accessible to the public at large, not just the FBI. Is that what the Consitution says? Is this new bill going to aid the FBI, further the cause of justice under our Constitution? No, it will just muddy each case with unsubstantiated innuendo with third-party case histories that were never investigated by a legal entity. Pretty much legitimizing hearsay in my opinion.

So, what is wrong with reporting the drivel along with the facts?

The FBI already has full power of jurisdiction, access to the crime scene, collection of evidence and ultimately the power to prosecute crime cases on cruise ships - when they believe there is really a crime. So, why should we legitimize uncorrobrated, uninvestigated, unprosecuted and non-adjuducated reports to be published on the Internet. Won’t that just lead to confusion and blur the line between true evidence and circumstantial innuendo? Won’t it taint jury pools and unfairly put misinformed pubic opinion on the front pages just when cruise lines are trying to settle cases?

When trial lawyers can introduce totally irrelevant and unsubstantiated information as evidence in cases you can expect a media circus every time.

Expect the cost of litigation and insurance to skyrocket, as well as the cost of cruise lines settling cases. That will cost jobs and growth in the cruise industry.

What is the fallacy that the lawyers don’t want us to know?

The trial lawyers claim they need more access to evidence, specifically the same evidence the cruise lines give to the FBI; forensic, eyewitnesses, technical witnesses. But the cruise lines rightly consider this “work product” as privileged information, so while they give all of such evidence to the FBI, they only give the opposing lawyers the names and contact information for the persons they interview. At that point the cruise line opposing lawyers can contact every single witness, interview them and depose them if they seem worthy. So, what’s the problem? Are they upset the cruise lines don’t do all the work for them?

Both the FBI and the plaintiff have the ability to investigate the case against the cruise line. If there is anything there, either may bring a case forward. Even if the FBI could not find enough evidence to bring forth a (criminal) case the Plaintiff lawyers can still pursue a civil case on their own. In fact, that already happens all the time already.

The opposing lawyers are upset that the cruise lines do not give them the same information they give the FBI - but there is a simple reason for that. They are SUING the cruise lines!

Here is a simple solution to this problem, instead of suing the cruise line for contributive negiligence at every drop of a hat - as long as the cruise lines are not directly responsible for anything criminal give them IMMUNITY from prosecution in exchange for cooperation. That way the victims get the justice they say they want.

Bingo - with full access to all of the cruise line’s records, the perpetrators are taken away, the victims get justice and cruisers are safe once again. That what the attorneys say would happen if they had this information. So why do they do everything they can to put the cruise lines in a defensive posture? Deep pockets is the answer. It appears that more than justice they want money in many of these cases.

As it is now, already, if the FBI cannot find solid evidence then expect the lawyers to start “throwing things against the wall to see what sticks” using any and all of the irrelevent “crime information” to be reported under this new law. Why else would they want all of this extra nonsense reported? It’s all about proving contributive negligence, my friends.

Again, the words of Hagel Smith regarding her attorney:

“He’s kind of a ‘throw up everything and see what sticks - that’s what their attorney’s approach is, so there are some things in here [a potential lawsuit they did not bring because they settled the case] where I thought he was reaching.”

Hmm, Jennifer Hagel Smith says about her own attorney in the case of her missing husband “I thought he was throwing stuff against the wall to see what sticks” and “I thought he was reaching.” And she hired him. Imagine what it would be like to be on the opposite side of this attorney.

The FBI rightfully does not care about smearing the reputation of the cruise lines just to make a case. All they care about are the facts. The lawyers care far more about what they can get away with in settlement talks and in the courtroom against the cruise lines. They want to put as much “dirt” about the cruise line into the record as they possibly can, testing the judge’s limits for stuffing the trial record with innuendo and non-relevant information.

Once again, Jennifer Hagel Smith: “I am NOT under the impression that they’re (the cruise line) is withholding something from the FBI that has great impact on our case”

Basically, this bill is a trial lawyer Hail Mary that our Congress will pass an extraordinary law giving them far more weapons and ammunition to sue cruise lines. The problem is the new weapons are peashooters and spitwads, irrelevant information that is only going to clog up the records and double the amount of time spent in court, costing both sides far more money with no guarantee that awards will get any bigger.

The Danger of this Public database of unsubstantiated “Cruise Crime”

And what about putting everything on a public database? The victims have been sold on this idea by the lawyers who tell them “the FBI is useless,” and “we need the cruise lines to report everything for the safety of the passengers.” But what about the safety of the people who get “reported” but never get their day in court? Won’t this encourage vigilante acts against possibly innocent people, none of whom ever saw a day in court? In other words, the names of innocent people will be made public in non-adjudicated cases and some people will want to take justice into their own hands.

I personally received a death threat from a member of ICV not long ago. This man was mad because his cruise ship did not give him the name of a man who he says held his son’s hand (hence, he had to be a child molestor). After he thoroughly pounded the man without asking more than a couple questions both men were advised to leave the ship quietly a day later. The identities of each were withheld by the cruise line. Good thing, the so-called victim literally wanted to kill the so-called perpetrator. No day in court, of course.

If this bill is passed there will be nothing to stop people like the guy who threatened my life. They’ll eventually find names and addresses of their personal perpetrator, and then blood will be on the hands of the lawyers, cheerleaders and Congressmen who passed this bill.

There is nothing wrong with the system we have right now. There is absolutely nothing stopping a maritime lawyer trying to sue a cruise line from talking to anyone he wants - even cruise line employees, and the cruise lines will give them their names.

The current strategy of trying to sully the name of any cruise line by bringing up as many past problems is very simiar to what happens in sordid rape cases where defense lawyers attack the reputation of the victim - guilt by past association.

Fortunately, most judges in these cases are smart enough to exclude “evidence of non-related crimes” from the arsenal of the cruise ship chasing lawyer. If this new law goes through, however, the power of judges to stop a case from being prejudiced will be much harder because those loosly-defined, unproven crimes will already be “public information.”

Every cruise crime lawsuit will now become a happy fishing expedition for unsubstantiated innuendo. Just hand every trial lawyer and the media a boatload of rumors, allegations and accusations - NONE OF THEM VERIFIED, many of them wholly untrue, and let them go to town on damaging the cruise industry reputation. Worry about the facts of their case later, or never worry at all.

So what if the cruise lines and their passengers have RIGHTS TO PRIVACY, the right not to incriminate themselves, the right to protect the identities of innocent citizens and the right to defend or settle a case on its own merits, not based on whatever kind of dirt the plaintiff can drag into court.

Needless to say, we have extraordinary synpathy for the victims of the VERY rare crimes on ships. What we fully disagree with the people who only want to paint cruise ships as havens for criminals. It just isn’t so. This bill is overkill that will do far more damage when it comes to fixing what is already a minimal amount of crime on ships, and for that reason - we suggest this bill not go through as written. Serious consideration as to the outcome of such decisions must be determined first.

I just came back from a cruise on a luxury ship where we had a butler who had the facility to serve us complete dinners in our stateroom. he would bring us the evening’s menus from the dining room and take our orders. Soon he would arrive with trays full of linens, cutlery and covered plates of delicious food. He would serve each course one at a time - or we would just say “please just leave them all, we’re HUNGRY!” One night he set up a table for us on our terrace and we dined with the sound of the ocean below. At the end of the meal he brought the dessert menues and even surprised us with fancy chocolates and a dinner cordial.

Let me tell you, in rough seas or just when you are exhausted and don’t feel like getting dressed in your formal gear there is nothing better than a good movie on your in-cabin TV and a great dinner directly from the kitchen served to you in your jammies.

We met other people on the same ship who also had the same butler, and they said they had never asked him for anything the entire cruise! How sad is that?

I hear such things from less experienced cruisers all the time - they never even tried room service, or that they couldn’t bring themselves to order a second entree in the dining room. I say “take advantage of every reasonable option they give you on a ship!” If they are willing to serve you dinner in your cabin you should take advantage of it, at least once.

This is not to say you should do unacceptable things, like go to BOTH dinner seatings, for example. There really is no need for that. They will give you all the food you want at just one.

There are a lot of things about shipboard dining, and other aspects of cruising, that you will figure out after enough cruises and that you should not miss.

Breakfast in bed is another thing you MUST have. Personally, it takes me about three cups of coffee and an hour of staring at my computer every morning before I am ready to face the world. I love “breakfast cards” and if my wife would let me use them I would be printing them up at Kinkos right now. The cards let you select what you want for breakfast the next day and they deliver it to you at a pre-assigned time. Not only do you get a wake-up call, but you also get your coffee first thing in the morning as well. Yes, you do have to decide what time you want to wake up, a little tricky on sea days but perfect for port days, but the upside is you avoid the waiting that comes with calling in your order.

I see people who gets up first thing in the morning, put themselves in the shower, blow-dry their hair and brush their teeth, and then go to the buffet and get coffee and breakfast. Oops, they also put on their clothes, first. But I say NO, NO, NO. Always do the breakfast card, it is one of the sweetest things about cruising.

Room service in general on cruise ships is great. Try a cheese tray before dinner, cookies with your in-room movie, chamomille tea and ice-cream at bedtime. On mainstream cruises it is a good idea to give your server a tip. Be sure to bring several dollar bills and give one for a small order and two or more for bigger orders.

Here is another thing you MUST take advantage of on cruise ships. Laundry service, if you find you did not pack enough shirts, or you have gained five pounds and that extra pair of slacks does not fit. You can get pants or a shirt fully cleaned, pressed and folded for just a few dollars apiece. Get it done, it is so worth not having to wear something you don’t like.

Internet access. I don’t know about you, but if you are reading this I think you need your Internet access as badly as I do. Therefore, I just buy the biggest package they have the day I get onboard. Usually for about $75 you can get as much Internet time as you need for the cruise.

Bite the bullet and pay for it upfront and know you can use it far more freely throughout the cruise. Then during the cruise use your Internet access instead of wandering into the casino. You will find that you will lose less money in the casino and you will feel better for having had a good dose of Internet.

Do bring the allowed amount of wine onboard. Some cruise lines (most of the Carnival Corp. family and Celebrity) will allow you to bring a bottle of wine or two to your cabin. Do so and drink it in your cabin during the cruise. You will have your wine and save a significant amount of money. There is no corkage fee if you consume it in your room.

We are NOT saying to sneak alcohol onboard. Many people who do that end up drinking more during the cruise than they really need to. The truth is you should drink less on ships because most of the fun happens during the day. Too much wine with dinner can give you a bad headache the next day and you really should try to get the most out of the ports that you can.

Do drink plenty of water. The best water on a cruise ship is the melted ice from an ice bucket. We have brought water testers onboard ships and we have found that the melted ice is often as clean as distilled water. Even tap water on ships is fully potable (drinkable) according to our tests, and it is as clean as bottled water. But the ice cubes are made from filtered water and actually it is some of the best water I have ever had.

The hot sun takes water and minerals out of you - so try to drink as much water as you can. Most people do not drink enough of it on ships.

Do take shore excursions. You will remember a cruise where you have experiences far more than a cruise where you do not experience the ports. You don’t have to spend a lot to have fun. In the Caribbean snorkeling is a fantastic thing to do, and a snorkeling shore tour usually one of the least expensive tours on a ship. You paid a lot of money to get to that port, don’t skimp at the last minute and miss having fun.

Do have a massage - but time it correctly. Yes massages are less expensive on port days, but pick a port you don’t particularly want to see. The best massages are “deep tissue” and they should leave you ready for a nap. So you know, most massages on ships are considered a “Swedish massage,” which is NOT a deep tissue massage. Ask for a “deep tissue” when you book and ask who is the best at giving such a massage. But as I said, a truly good massage should make you so tired you have to nap. Keep the timing in mind so you can ENJOY that nap when you book a massage.

Do work out every day if you can. The gyms on cruise ships have the best workout equipment made. Many treadmills and ellipticals have built-in TV screens. Bring your headsets. A workout goes much faster when you can distract yourself from the boredom.

Many spas feature something called “the thermal suite.” This is a set of steam rooms infused with essential oils, hot saunas, a hot tub therapy pool and hot ceramic beds. You can purchase access to these facilities on many ships for anywhere for $10 to $25 per person per day. These suites will relax and refresh you. And they are far more private than the hot tubs by the pool.

Dining. Always try to eat dinner in the dining room on formal nights. That is when they will have lobster, King Crab, filet mignon and other special treats that make cruise dining so spectacular. Should be shy about ordering “surf and turf?” - which means the steak AND the lobster at the same time? Not if you really want it. They are ready for you, believe me. You aren’t the first person to make that request. Chances are you will get it on one plate although it is technically two different entrees.

Yes, you certainly can order more than one entree for dinner, just try to do it in a manner where you are not being gluttonous or taking up too much time. Order one entree at a time unless you are sure you will eat both. Do not order two main course entrees at the beginning of the meal lest you find you have eaten more than you thought. Memorize the one you want and order it when the entrees are being served.

One last thing - do not spoil your dinner, especially if you have reservations for a special dining spot. Eating scones, finger sandwiches and chocolate cake at 4:00 “teatime” is a surefire way to spoil your appetite for a dinner a few hours later. The specialty restaurants are worth the extra money, but you also want to get the most out of them that you can. Always go with a very healthy appetite.

That’s ii. Experienced cruisers already know this drill, but for you newcomers make a note that these are the little things that make cruising such a satisfying vacation. Spend a little money and get tons more out of your cruise. Happy sails!

Over the weekend Celebrity Cruise Line became one of the last hold-outs amongst the major cruise lines to amend their dining room arrangements to include a version of “unstructured” dining times ,rather than assigned times and  specific table seating assignments for passengers.

No doubt there will be many cruisers out there bemoaning what may be a movement towards the total loss of traditional assigned dining on cruise ships. Traditional assigned dining has really been something unique to the cruise industry. I know I’d never experienced anything like it during any other type of travel; where, unless you were traveling with others, you’d likely be seated to dine with strangers.

It normally brought rather interesting results, and overall most passengers seemed fairly satisfied with the uniformity the system offered. They also seemed to enjoy having the same service teams for dinner each evening.

Certainly now there will be those who lament this newest trend to make a cruise more similar to land based resort vacations. I’m one of them, but more on that later.

Until very recently the freedom to choose to dine “when you wanted, with whom you wanted“ was pretty much the domain of the luxury cruise lines; sailing much smaller ships than their much larger mass market cousins. The difference on the smaller luxury ships is their dining rooms are large enough to accommodate all the passengers, if by chance all passengers chose to dine at the same time.

Crystal and Cunard Cruise Lines, at this time, are still sticking with “traditional, assigned dining”.

In the large ship categories, Norwegian Cruise Line was the innovator in regard to the introduction of open seating dining several years ago when “Freestyle Cruising” debuted. In fact much of their marketing showed images of robot like guests (on other cruise lines) marching off to dinner, all wearing the same clothes… implying the rigidity of what it was like cruising on “those other cruise lines”.

That must have struck a chord with the management of “those other cruise lines” because shortly after “Freestyle” was introduced on NCL, Princess Cruise Line introduced what they called “Anytime Dining”. While they still offered, and continue to offer, a choice of “traditional dining”. Their version amounted to simply taking one or two of their already existing dining rooms, and allowing guests to choose to dine at unstructured dining times. Other lines followed with their own, yet similar to Princess, versions; each in turn trying to come up with their own “cutesy names” to describe very similar programs.

One has to assume that the trend to more “open seating dining” was in response to demand the lines have received in their own customer surveys and polls. I do see some inherent problems for the lines which offer both traditional and variable dining. For example, I’ve personally experienced the situation where my preference requested was traditional dining, yet in the end were assigned the variable dining because the traditional dining rooms were already fully booked. The result… the choice was the cruise line’s, not mine. To be fair, similar problems do occasionally arise on ships with only traditional assigned dining, when one of the dining times is over subscribed.

A significant problem when offering both dining types is the scheduling of evening entertainment on the ships, especially featured showroom entertainment. Generally with traditional dining times, shows are scheduled twice nightly; once for early diners, and again for late diners. If you’ve chosen variable dining times, but enjoy the showroom entertainment, you must examine your dining options quite carefully to coordinate with the entertainment schedule.

As NCL has been functioning in its “Freestyle” mode for the longest time now, it has also worked on the functionality of those issues, now offering more varied and flexible entertainment schedules as well. The goal - to make cruises on their ships a “Freestyle experience” as opposed to simply offering Freestyle Dining. As the more traditional cruise lines move to offering the variable dining-time option, I believe they’re going to find they’ll need to find those issues are more difficult to deal with than they may think.

During the past decade we’ve already seen most cruise lines adding alternate restaurants as an option to the traditional dining rooms; normally only one or two, and almost always carrying an extra charge for their use. Once again NCL was ahead of the curve, where their most recent new builds have offered up to 10 different restaurants onboard (and even more on their newest ship currently in the shipyard; NCL Epic).  Some may argue with my “ahead of the curve” terminology, but with the manner the competitors have moved to push towards variable dining times I foresee them also adding many more alternate restaurant choices as well, and of course at an extra cost.

In many ways I am a fan of the variable time/ open seating dining options, but only if it’s done well. However there are situations where it may not work as well as hoped. The very best I’ve ever seen it work was on Silversea Cruise Line. As guests entered the dining room they’d ask if the guest would like to join a table, or prefer to dine by themselves. The Maitre D’ took the initiative, which created a very social situation. Almost each evening of the cruise we met and dined with new and interesting people. We even met people who, though they were cruising together, dined separately each evening, simply to enjoy meeting new people. Our experience on other lines with open seating, if it were just two of us entering the dining room, we’d almost automatically be seated at a table for two.

Open seating also does not work well if you’re traveling with a larger group. It can be difficult finding a table for 8 or 10, and even more difficult if it’s a large group wanting multiple tables in close proximity.

Combined with other recent trending changes in the cruise industry, like designing some ships to resemble amusement parks rather than cruise ships, it seems like there’s a concerted move afoot to create resorts and amusement parks that happen to be on the water.

There’s no question land based resorts and amusement parks can possibly appeal to a broader audience for the cruise industry. Personally though, I’m looking to go on a cruise ship to cruise. The closer the experience gets to an amusement park or land based resort the more likely I am to stay on land. So there may also be a cost in the loss of the “traditional cruise passenger” while attempting to appeal to the “new crowd”.

Does the slow demise of traditional dining strike you as yet one further step closer to the demise of “cruising” as you’ve known it, and come to love? Or has this entire blog simply showing I’ve become an old curmudgeon?

- A View From the Kuki Side of Cruising -

This Sunday is Father’s Day, so I wanted to share ideas with you on what it is men enjoy about cruising. Why should you give a cruise to the main man in your family?

Travel industry polls indicate that women make the majority of vacation decisions, especially when it comes to destinations for the yearly family vacation. So many travel companies, including cruise lines, cater to feminine sensibilities in their marketing by putting the spotlight on activites women generally enjoy in their brochures and web site information.

Here at CruiseMates we hear the stories all the time. The lady of the house has wanted to try a cruise for years but she can’t convince her husband, but once he finally agrees to go he falls in love with going to sea and now takes the lead in all their future cruise plans.

So, what is it that men don’t know about cruising until they take their first cruise?

One of the unexpected delights of a cruise for men is the sense of adventure from just being at sea. Not only is sailing is one of the world’s oldest and most respected professions, some of the most famous men in history were sailors; Leif Erickson, Christopher Columbus and Ferdinand Magellan. Many of the world’s most famous discoveries were made by sailing men; Lewis and Clarke and the American Northwest, Hernando de Soto and the Mississippi River, Henry Hudson and the Hudson River, Jacques Cartier and the Saint Lawrence Seaway.

Historically, taking to the sea is one of the manliest activities ever, resulting in tales of mermaids and traditions that say women were unlucky on ships (I think that one depends on the circumstances). Even today, the world’s deadliest profession, crabfishing in Alaska, involves going to sea.

In light of how sailing has been viewed for the vast majority of human history it is somehat ironic that cruising is now considered a soft holiday and marketed to women as much or more than to men. But then again, there is a theory that women want to go “where the men are” and if any place is known for having manly men, it is the sea.

In fact, cruising isn’t alwaya a soft holiday at all, as I can tell you just having returned from a cruise to the Arctic Circle where our ship was used to break through Polar ice shelves to get to where the wildlife dwells. Talk about a hunting instinct. The only difference is that we were shooting with our cameras.

I don’t think a man ever lived who didn’t think about the role of the sea in history the first time he found himself beyond the horizon on a cruise ship or ocean liner. The sea has enabled mankind to discover and eventually conquer the world. We are the only species that thrives in every continent and climate on earth.

Men, contemplate the conviction and courage of men like Christopher Columbus, the tactical brilliance of Lord Nelson or the leadership qualities of John Smith who led early American settlers across the Atlantic and later explored much of Chesapeake Bay. You cannot help but feel invigorated by the thought of conquering the world via the oceans.

So, maybe it’s our little secret, but when men take their families on cruises we identify with that sense of leadership and mastery. We feel empowered by our ability to steer our loved ones to the sea to help them discover new worlds of their own.

That’s all part of the masculine psychology of the sea-going tradition just waiting to be awakened in your man. If you are one of the women who has always wanted to cruise its a subtle way to convince him to go.

What else do men like about cruises?

On a more practical basis cruises are an easy vacation for dads because most of the family will find their own fun. Remember the car trip where your teenage daughter didn’t want to go to your museum because it was TOO boring, but you had to hold up the entire family travel time when she met a REALLY COOL GUY at the hotel pool and couldn’t possibly pack her stuff as long as he was talking to her?

When you take your family on a cruise you will be surprised how much time you have just for yourself, and alone with your wife. You can find someone to take care of even the youngest kids every day, and if your kids are older you can be sure they will find their own things to do.

When it comes to free time all men are different, but you can take in a movie, read a good book uninterrupted, sit by the pool and drink a beer, play cards in the casino or work out in the gym. The idea here is that a cruise is a vacation for you, too. You will not be spending all of your time making sure everyone but yourself is amused.

That is not to ignore the fatherly satisfaction in giving your family the time of their lives. In fact, a cruise offers you plenty of opportunities to do that - and it is easy. All you have to do is find a challenging shore excursion like ziplining through a jungle canopy, or whale watching in Alaska where 30,000-pound humpbacks breach fully out of the water in full view of your boat.

If you or your wife don’t enjoy the details of making dinner every night, or even dealing with reservations for that matter, cruise ships make the dining experience as easy as possible and almost always a certain pleasure.

And what man doesn’t like great food and all you can eat? Cruises offer not only convenience but also a large variety of food. Best of all you won’t have to worry about whether the rest of the family likes your food choices. Let’s face it, the kids don’t want fois gras or loin of lamb for every meal, and you don’t want pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner (I’ll bet you’ve had a few pizza breakfasts on those road trips you have taken). Best of all, you won’t feel gouged when your teenage athlete orders two cheeseburgers, fries, a Coke and a shake at $5.00 per item.

On car trips it is impossible to please the entire family when it comes to meals. The kids want fast food all the time and after a day of driving they are far too cranky to endure a gourmet meal, and forget about finding a babysitter in a strange town. But on a cruise ship you can have gourmet food for every meal and all you tell everyone is what time to show up at the restaurant. Better yet, if you want alone time for dinner, the onboard children’s activities can easily provide that for you.

You will be able to give your wife all the attention she wants. There is no housekeeping on a cruise ship, the staff cleans up for everyone every day. The two of you can have as much time together as you want, with or without the kids, and nothing will make her happier than not having to worry about her usual daily details.

When it comes to itineraries men are different. Some guys want to snorkel or even SCUBA dive, which makes the Caribbean a great choice. More exotic choices for water sports include Tahiti and Bora Bora or the Great Barrier Reef in Australia.

If you love history then a European cruise will get you to the most important historic places in the world. For ancient history a single cruise itinerary could get you to Athens, Rome, Venice, Istanbul, Ephesus, Cairo and Jerusalem. If you want more culture you can go to London, Lyon, Amsterdam, Copenhagen, Stockholm, Gdansk and St Petersburg, Russia - again on a single itinerary.

What else do men like about cruising? Financial planning is a breeze. You can figure your entire budget ahead of time and control costs. You already know exactly what you are spending for accomodations, transportation and food. The only added costs you have to worry about on a daily basis are beverages, shoreside tours and onboard shopping. You can watch your expenses on a minute by minute basis during the cruise on the interactive television system and you will get a fully tallied expense sheet at the end of the cruise.

If you are a man who likes alone time you can get away to smoke a cigar (Cubans are available in most Caribbean ports), enjoy a brandy, play in the casino or just take a long nap. There are great movies onboard either in the cinema (on some ships) or in your cabin. Many ships have DVD players and free movies in the library. Many newer ships have outdoor movie screens for “Movies under the Stars,” by the pool.

Bottom line, a cruise is a great vacation for Dad. Give your man a real vacation for Father’s Day this year. In the end, the vast majority of people who try a cruise come back again and again.

The subject of choosing a cruise that’s right for you may be one of the most covered topics for cruise related web sites, and cruise advice columns. In fact this could be my own third or fourth version discussing this issue, so my goal was to discover a new approach to the old topic. You may want to take that stated goal as a warning… because you should know no good is going to come of it.

The first step in deciding which cruise to choose is to decide if you in fact would at least have a chance to make you “a good cruiser”. To determine that possibility, a necessary qualifier is that you are alive. Though dead passengers can lighten the work load of the crew, dead folks really don’t make “good cruisers”. If you’re onboard, but dead, your presence would benefit your fellow passengers as space ratios improve, and demands on the ship’s services is lessened - to the degree that being dead you won’t put any demands on those services.

If you’ve decided with some degree of certainty that you are still alive but the thought of being on water for any reason whatsoever (other than boarding Noah’s Ark as its sailed by your ranch house in New Mexico) makes you want to vomit, then you should probably pass up any opportunity to cruise, no matter how your friends try to convince you it’s the best valued vacation available.

But, once you’ve assessed the situation, and believe you’d like to cruise, what really is the best way to determine which cruise line would be best for you?

Some experts will suggest the most crucial point to consider is the itinerary; the places the ship will take you; or in “cruise writer lingo”- the ports of call you’d most like to visit.

If you were to research and consult with a good cruise travel agent before booking, which far too few people do, before booking you they’d be more likely to ask you where you’ve been, than where you want to go. By that, I don’t mean you’d be expected to supply a geographical list of every place you’ve ever gone. Rather, I mean a good agent would attempt to interview you to determine what your likes and dislikes might be, what sorts of activities you enjoy, what types of restaurants you enjoy, and most importantly how much money is on your wallet.

OK, the last point is a bit of a stretch, but naturally budget is an important consideration, and a good cruise travel agent will supply you with the explanations of the variety and variations in cruise line pricing. Pricing alone isn’t a factor until you spend more than you can afford to, or are accustomed to luxury travel and end up as part of the rowing crew of a Viking war-ship. Even if you’ve pre-determined how much you’d like to spend on your cruise, there’s variables. What’s the best accommodation for you, a top drawer cabin on a budget cruise line, or an actual top drawer in someone else’s cabin on a luxury ship?

Next up on the “always available” list in articles about choosing your cruise is “food”. All the cruise lines have food onboard, so I’m not quite certain why it garners as much discussion as it does. There is a very stereotypical view of cruising — that people choose to cruise because there’s an endless supply of food onboard, and that’s true.

Well, it’s true that there is virtually an endless supply of food onboard, but I’m  guessing less than one third of people chose to cruise based solely on that fact. I’m considered a pretty good eater, but frankly I have no idea of what people are really talking about when they say they are a “foody” or a “gourmand”. Does that mean they like to eat more than I do? I doubt that!  Does it mean that they know better than I do what tastes good? Does it mean that they like to eat more expensive things than I do, or that they enjoy eating things that most other human beings wouldn’t let pass their lips, just so they can offer an opinion on it?

At any rate, I digress. There is a large variance in the food quality and variety on  menus offered on all the different cruise lines. And if I knew for sure that you liked to eat the same stuff I do, I’d give you my opinion of which is the best.

I also wouldn’t suggest you base your selection of cruise line on anyone else’s opinions of cuisine either, even if they are gourmands. While food indeed can be a factor that influences your enjoyment of the cruise, I would never suggest someone choose a cruise on that basis alone.

Advice I’ve given previously, and continue to see many other industry people offer is to find a cruise line who’s personality matches your own.  It is true that the cruise lines have worked quite diligently to create identities which they hope will differentiate them from the other lines.

If you’re a narcissist you can find a ship who’s interiors are filled with mirrors for your viewing pleasure. If you’re agoraphobic you can find ships with cabins you  never have to leave. If you’re photogenic I’d welcome you on any ship I’ll be on.

At an ever increasing pace, theme cruises covering just about any type of affinity group or activities are being promoted. This really does create a huge variety of niches to chose from, that you may fit into. These days just about any theme from soap operas, to soap box cruises, to sports themed, to educationally focused cruises can be found quite easily. The specificity available is truly quite remarkable.
If you’ve managed to read this blog, making it all the way to this point, I’m supposing you’d like to see a point made.

That point is… the options now available in the cruise industry are endless, and very complicated, and I recommend that everyone, experienced cruisers, and most certainly first-time cruisers, seek out the advice and assistance of experienced Cruise Travel Agents when considering a cruise.

While the opinions you hear from your neighbours, your relatives, your friends, your butcher, and me, should be considered; frankly I believe, the more professional advice you get, the happier returning cruiser you’ll be.

Or you could follow my lead and book ships, where the primary color of interior décor matches my favorite underwear.

Cruise vacations are much too costly to leave everything to chance, booking because a friend is going, or based on ad you saw or heard. The most unhappy returning cruisers we see on the message boards are those who really didn’t know what to expect in the first place other than the stereotypical images of “cruising”.

Your choice of ship will be the single most important factor in whether or not you enjoy your cruise. It’s mind boggling how little thought so many people into that decision. It’s a topic that requires a book be written to cover the subject, rather than a few thousand words in cruise advice columns and Blogs.

- A View From the Kuki Side of Cruising -

CruiseMates will be celebrating its tenth year on the Internet this August. We were the first cruise consumer-focused, advertising supported web site on the Internet, although there were other good cruise sites on the web in 1999. Those sites included “The Wheelhouse” and Cruise2.com. It did not include Cruise Critic, which was available only on AOL but not on the Internet until 2000.

CruiseMates was founded with Anne Campbell as the cruise editor, and myself, Paul Motter, as the rest of the story. Many people already knew Anne as the editor of Cruise Critic from 1995 to 1999. As the founding editor of both Cruise Critic and CruiseMates, Anne Campbell set the standard for Internet cruise reviews that always put the consumer first. Anne was a pioneer in online cruise line reporting, and you can continue to read her cruise opinions at www.shipcriticblog.com and her New York cruise site, www.cruisingfromnewyork.com. Anne has the same outlook and writing style as she has always had, often giving the unvarnished truth when other reporters are keeping mum.

Editorial standards are extremely important, especially when there are web sites that write little more than fluff about cruising. It is hard to commit to always writing the truth, even when it might hurt people we personally know and like at a cruise line, but ultimately the fact that we always put our readers first is what has made us a success today.

We are dependent upon advertising from the cruise lines as well as their willingness to allow us to travel on their ships to keep us supplied with information for you to read. So, it is a challenge to keep our promise to always report the truth, good or bad. So ultimately we know that the only way we can meet that challenge is to win the support of as many readers as possible. Today we get some 3,000,000-cruise enthusiasts to CruiseMates every year – compare that to any guidebook. And now more than ever industry sources say the Internet is the number one driver of cruise business. The cruise industry needs us as much as cruise consumers need us.

As noted, any guidebook or web site that needs to cover the entire cruise industry must rely upon the generosity of the cruise lines. At CruiseMates we admit and fully disclose that the cruise lines mostly (not always) sponsor our cruises. As far as I know, we are the first and only cruise web site to fully disclose that fact. Look for the link to our editorial policy disclosure statement on our “cruise reviews” page. We do it so you know that we have nothing to hide.

If any journalist is writing a glowing review about a cruise ship solely because the cruise line gave him or her a free stateroom then you are being ripped off. Newspapers have long had policies against travel writers accepting free trips for this precise reason. Unfortunately, the result has been that few newspapers have in-depth reporting about cruise ship vacations. One cruise may not be an expensive vacation, but to cover well over 125 ships every year would be an impossibly expensive undertaking.

There is really only one goal at CruiseMates, to get to the truth no matter what. How can a cruise site dependent upon cruise lines afford to criticize the cruise lines? Because we have “reach.” If you Google the name of any cruise line and the word “reviews” you will see that CruiseMates and our sister site, cruisereviews.com (also owned by Internet Brands and also using the same reviews as CruiseMates) comes up at two of the top three spots almost every time.

Any cruise line would be foolish to ignore our reviews when some three million people visit CruiseMates and 1.5 million visit Cruisereviews.com every year. Plus our cruise line and ship reviews are our most popular articles. It is because of YOU, our esteemed readers, that we have the freedom to be honest in our reporting.

Bottom line, if you read it in CruiseMates you can be 99.99% sure you are reading what you want and need to know. We have reader-contributed reviews for all of the cruise lines as well as our staff-written reviews, but our staff reviews tend to focus more on ship details and less on opinion, since opinion is a personal thing.

And when we do regrettably make mistakes in our reporting we truly appreciate it when you bring it to our attention. No matter what, our goal is to always give you the unvarnished truth.

We admittedly live in rather odd times, with continuous bombardment from the media on troubling world and local events;  the all too familiar issuing of Amber Alerts for missing children;, dysfunctional families with issuing leading to tragedies which unfold in the public eye; job loss and other financial factors making a mess of people’s lives, plans and dreams.

These are all serious issues with serious impacts on those directly affected, and indirectly affect all of us. However at the risk of being labelled uncompassionate and certainly politically incorrect this week’s Blog aims for a lighter look at our messed up, fearful world.

After this week’s disappearance of Air France’s flight #447 , rather than scare me further about travel, I’ve decided to create a list of the best reasons for those us who are paranoid about almost everything in life to continue to cruise.

#1 - ship’s don’t fall out of the sky and kill everyone onboard (at least that is the current data found after an extensive Google search on the topic).

#2 - in my research into profiles of the world’s most infamous psychotic mass murderers I found none of them had ever even considered taking a cruise.

#3- in checking actuary tables I found that the chances of an incident of a multiple murder occurring on a cruise ship were .000000001309 to 1.
And the chances of it involving you or your family increase those odds to .000000000000000001310 to 1.

#4 I found that the chances are better that you’ll win a lottery while on a cruise ship (even if you didn’t buy a ticket) than getting caught in the middle of a drive by shooting.

#5- Unlike on land, it’s near to impossible to be moving around a ship, and accidentally turn down a wrong hallway, only to find yourself in an “undesirable neighbourhood”. Some hallways be noisier than others, but you likely won’t find the need to scream for help, or write a note to your family telling them you love them.

#6 - As you make your way to the Buffet Restaurant in the morning, the chances of you coming across a hallway blocked off as a crime scene are incredibly slim. (I thought it happened to me once, but it turned out they were just shampooing the carpet in the area.

#7 - 12.3% of all accidents occur when you are either on your way to the grocery store, shopping in a grocery store, or on your way home from a grocery store. So, it naturally follows that you are 12.3 % safer on a cruise ship because you aren’t involved in any of those activities.

- Granted that replacing grocery shopping with activities such as Swimming with Sting -rays, Sharks, or sliding down Zip Lines may negate the safety benefits of not going grocery shopping , but for this non-scientific study those obviously dangerous activities were not considered pertinent.

#8- I believe in the beneficial therapeutic affect of cruising on the psychological stability of the people onboard. The individual who on land my be on the brink of insanity has their personality suddenly mellowed, and altered forever when asked to dress up and pretend to be Elton John at a talent show.

#9 - I also think there’s one significant advantage many people don’t take into account when deciding if a cruise is financially feasible for them at this time; food. Yes, everyone knows food onboard is pretty much an endless cornucopia of choices. But those whose finances are less than stable, and worried about their ability to buy groceries after the cruise, can really just plan ahead to address the issue.

Bring along several empty duffle bags when you cruise… and empty Tupper-ware containers come in very hand. No one checks your bags when you’re leaving the ship!!
Fill those suckers with enough food stuffs to last you for at least two weeks post cruise. That’s the sort of thing that can save hundreds of dollars on your budget.

#10 - I’ve yet to see an incident of road rage on a cruise ship. The hallways are much to narrow for one scooter to even attempt to pass another. Though I’ve seen some toes crushed as those walking tried to pass scooters when reaching those indented cabin doorways.

- But Don’t Lie! Everyone of us have tried to get in front of the person in the scooter or wheelchair, if we think they are heading to the buffet line! We’ll gladly, hold open a door for them, or hold an elevator… but if we think they’re heading for the buffet… forget it.

Admittedly there are a miniscule number of actual criminal incidents which do occur on cruise ship. However, in comparison to the nature of what goes on back on land I think we can safely say - one good reason to cruise is to feel safer than we do at home.

 At least it makes for one more excuse we can use when people want to know why we’re cruising again.

- A View From the Kuki Side of Cruising -

CruiseMates started recommending that you book your summer cruises last March. People are booking now, especially trading up to luxury. The primary reason we gave was lower airfare, generally running about 20% to 33% lower for almost all destinations, but especially for flights overseas. The secondary reason was unprecedented bargains in cruise fares, but everyone already knew about those.

We also mentioned that the dollar was about as strong as it has been in several years, this especially helps when visiting Europe or Britain. A strong dollar also helps to keep cruise fares down for overseas cruises as most of the fixed costs for the cruise lines you are familiar with are paid in dollars. The final reason for booking early is a matter of selection of cruises and staterooms. The earlier you book the better your chances of getting exactly the cruise and stateroom category you want.

There has been a very strong tendency among cruisers to book “close in” this year, which means they wait until the last minute. That trend exhibited itself strongly this week as we suddenly got reports that three major cruise lines all had significantly strong booking during the end of May week. Another significant trend appears to be that people are “booking up,” which means they are opting to try the more expensive luxury cruise lines.

This year has shown us incredible bargains across the cruise industry as every cruise line has offered record-breaking low cruise fares and booking incentives this year. Logically, it generally makes sense that the luxury cruise lines have the ability to offer more in the way of discounts because they charge more in the beginning, and that is the case.

Just last month we had a chance to sail upon Crystal Cruises’ Serenity and we found it to be truly sublime in both food and service. I had not been on Crystal in about 10 years and in truth I had personally not been overly impressed back then. This last trip turned my perception around completely. The service was the most impeccable I have ever encountered. The food was also uniformly excellent and never left us disappointed.

Crystal has been offering at least one incredible incentive to book this year, up to $1000 per person in shipboard credit per person. Yes, per PERSON. That means essentially $2000 per stateroom. One of the things we had had pointed out about Crystal, as compared to other luxury cruise lines, is that on Crystal gratuities and alcohol served in the bars and dining room are not included in the cruise fare. However, all the beer, wine and champagne you can drink are included in the upper class staterooms.

On the other luxury cruise lines; Silversea, Regent and Seabourn, the cruise fare is all-inclusive, in the sense that gratuities and all beverages shipwide are included. But as far as booking incentives go, these three cruise lines are generally giving guests up to $1000 per stateroom in shipboard credit this year, roughly half of what Crystal is offering. But the credit goes farther, mostly towards shore excursions.

This week we are on the small expeditionary vessel Silversea’s Prince Albert 2. Everything is literally included on this cruise, even shore excursions, as well as gratuities and beverages. One hardly needs to spend a dime on this cruise unless it is for shopping onshore or in the gift ship. The ship generally sails in Arctic waters however, so in truth there isn’t much to buy onshore. They even give every passenger a free parka to keep you warm in almost any weather.

All of these luxury cruise lines have just reported a record-breaking period for the number of cruise sold or calls taken in the last few weeks.

Crystal says that just last week “the number of guests booking and revenue was more than 100% higher than the average weekly totals since the beginning of 2009.”

Silversea said, “Silversea Cruises today announced it achieved the highest call volume day in its 15-year history on May 26, 2009.”

Regent Seven Seas Cruises, UK, announced, “UK call volumes have increased by 41% between January – May 2009 compared to the same period in 2008, and bookings are up by 48%. – May being the highest booking month ever.”

In other words – these cruises may be selling later than usual, but they selling like hotcakes. The incentives are working and people are buying up to luxury cruising this year. CruiseMates told you to book your summer cruises early, and we also recommended that you use this economic downturn to try a better style of cruising; less crowded ships, more exclusive cuisine and levels of personalized service not generally found on the mainstream cruise lines.

We can’t take the credit for the fact that people are generally doing now what we recommended several months ago, but we can look at it as a confirmation of our advice that many people are trying exactly what we recommended. They saw the same benefits as we did.