By David Beers [editor: CruiseReviews] - It’s been two months since Norwegian Epic debuted with the expected media fanfare. The ship sailed triumphantly into New York City to pick up the media and other guests – but the media cruise was limited to just two nights and one full day.

All of the media activities were pre-reserved and the passenger load was less than half of the ship’s full capacity. In fact, with a few exceptions like CruiseMates’ Paul Motter who made sure he was onboard for the first full 7-day cruise, the rest of the U.S. media reporters really had very little ability to assess the reservations system or how the ship handles with a ship full of passengers.

After a year of bragging about the vast number of entertainment and dining options, an innovative cabin design and referring to Epic as “F3” the pinnacle of “Freestyle cruising,” it was surprising that so few details about the ship came out during the first few weeks she was in service.

Now that we are eight weeks into regular service it appears there is an Epic problem that NCL does not really want to discuss. The question is whether Epic is capable of handling full passenger loads without significant crowd control issues in the dining and entertainment venues.

We have received letters and have been reading the early passenger reviews. While not everyone is negative about the ship, a significant number of people are encountering onboard problems. As of this writing the ship has completed nine 7-night cruises and while that isn’t many, it isn’t unreasonable to expect that some issues reported early on would be ironed out by now.

NCL touted Norwegian Epic as a high-energy entertainment destination for months before she debuted and we agree the array of shows offered on the ship is impressive.  However, having what is perhaps the best entertainment at sea loses its allure when passengers can’t get seats for the shows.  As I see it, the two biggest problems are the reservations system for the onboard entertainment and an inability to seat all passengers in the various venues during the weeklong cruises.

Among the complaints we are receiving are claims that guests’ who made show reservations online before their cruise are finding their reservations have been changed without their knowledge once they get aboard the ship. As a result, people are finding that the list of reservations they brought onboard is no longer accurate, and that the cabin iTV reservations system continues to have problems, as first revealed by CruiseMates Editor Paul Motter on the transatlantic voyage of the Epic in June.

Given the small size of the venues aboard, if a guest does not have a working reservation and misses a show there is very little chance of getting another reservation. Most shows are fully reserved up to the 80% pre-show limit within the first hour of boarding passengers on the ship.

Basically, Epic was touted as the pinnacle of Freestyle ships, where a person was “free to do… whatever” at anytime during the cruise. In fact, what Epic guests are finding is that while there are many excellent shows offered onboard, if one doesn’t have a reservation for most of the shows the chance of seeing one is severely limited to people who are willing to wait in line for as long as an hour or more.

Here are the best-case scenarios: Norwegian Epic has a full passenger capacity of 5183 passengers. The popular Blue Man Group is presented eight times per cruise in the main theater that holds 681 guests. With 5448 seats this is the only show that everyone onboard is guaranteed a chance to see.

Another popular show, Legends in Concert, runs twice per night on three nights in the main theater, the biggest venue onboard, which means a total seating capacity of 4086 people.  The Legends Unplugged show is done  3 times per cruise in the 600 seat Manhattan Room.

The Spiegel Tent shows the highly touted Cirque Dreams and Dinner show 12 times per cruise, but the theater only seats 237 guests. This means there are only 2844 seats. This same room shows what many people have said is the best show on the ship, – a comic magician. This show is presented twice per cruise in the Spiegel Tent and another two times in the Epic Theater.  Thus 1836 passengers can see the magician.

Another venue that requires reservations is the Headliner’s Lounge, home to Second City. This comic troupe performs here 12 times per cruise with a few different show titles (every show is improvisational, so unique by definition), but each performance can only hold 280 guests. These shows were bulging at the doors even when the ship was only filled to just over ½ of its capacity.  Second City is also featured in the Murder Mystery Lunch, but this is not free and has a $15 cover charge.

One reviewer told us that she had booked seven shows and dinners on-line prior to her cruise aboard the Norwegian Epic.  Taking our advice she brought along a printout of her reservations.  At her first reserved dinner she was told the restaurant had no reservation for her, but since they found her a table she didn’t foresee a problem.  Later, when they were denied entry to a pre-reserved show, she says she went to guest relations and was told that of the seven reservations they had made at home, six of them were now different.  According to this passenger, Guest Relations told her that her reservations were likely changed to accommodate suite guests.  In a follow up email I was told by an NCL spokesperson that NCL would never bump anyone with an existing reservation.  “Our concierge will assist suite guests with their entertainment reservations, but we would never bump any guest that is already booked,” according to the spokesperson.  In any case, regardless of the reason for this reservation mix-up, there were more problems coming.

When our complainant’s party arrived on the ship their cabin carpets were all soaked due to faulty plumbing. They were moved to a new stateroom.  As an apology for having to change cabins the front desk arranged reservations for the SpongeBob SquarePants breakfast with their kids. However, even the reservations for this goodwill gesture went awry.

Although the guest relations desk had reserved this show for our reviewer’s family they were denied entry on both the first and second mornings they arrived to see it. The TV reservation system in their cabin did not work properly for the first two days of the cruise (a problem commonly reported about Epic) so they were going on faith that the reservation had been made.

Both mornings as they were denied entrance to the show by the box office staff they returned to inform guest relations and new reservations were made.

But here is where it gets even worse – our complainant told me that a box office attendant actually seemed to enjoy taunting her to “get out of my line” each of those two mornings. When they were denied entry for the third frustrating time she went back to guest relations and asked the person who had arranged the reservation to go to her cabin TV where the reservation did appear. They proceeded to the box office together where a heated exchange occurred between the box office attendant and the guest relations employee.  Finally, a waitress from the show who had seen all these events unfolding day after day intervened; she came out of the Spiegel Tent and personally escorted these guests to a table.

What really happened in this case is still a mystery to us, but the bottom line is that Norwegian Epic is severely limited in its ability to accommodate guests in its showrooms. Add in the failure of the system to maintain non-conflicting reservation schedules between the pre-cruise web site, the front desk, the in cabin television system and the box office and you have a potential nightmare for many people hoping to see all of Epic’s great entertainment.

In fact, we have seen a number of readers who have been on Epic recommend that everyone, even people with reservations, get in line at least an hour early. If you have a reservation it only guarantees entrance, not a specific seat, so people who want to sit close are lining up as much as 90 minutes early – even with reservations. The people on “standby” have to line up just as early just to get a seat in the back. Remember that only 20% of the seats are left unreserved for people who want to “Freestyle” their entertainment options.

I’ve also read comments from forum members about passengers pushing and shoving to gain an advantage for seats once the doors open. This is not only unseemly; it is dangerous on a ship with non-attached seating. If one of the tall, top-heavy stools in Headliners toppled over someone could easily become seriously hurt.

By the end of the cruise our reviewer was only able to see Blue Man Group on the last night of the cruise by waiting in the standby line (remember our math) and Second City, which was the one reservation that had not been changed. They were not able to see any other shows.

As she told me “What good are all these entertainment options if some passengers can’t see them? If you forget or lose your reservation time or even if you are just late you will miss the show. There are too few vacant seats, too many people onboard and the venues are too small.”

Another reviewer told us “If you don’t jump on a reservation early, you may miss a major performance. I did not see the Cirque Dreams & Dinner performance since it was already sold out by the time I boarded.”

The size of the show rooms is a boilerplate issue that can’t be easily fixed.  So the balancing act between available seats and the number of passengers has very little leeway. Long lines for both reserved guests and standbys create crowding outside of showrooms, long periods of uncomfortable standing and inevitably a fair amount of jostling and jockeying for good seats once the doors are open. It also leads to very frustrated employees who are just trying to keep everyone happy.

This all leads to the question, just how “freestyle” is the Norwegian Epic?  The promise was freedom from scheduling, that guests are “free to … ‘whatever’”.

When you have to create your own reservations schedule far before you even see the ship, keep track of daily reservations, maintain awareness of last minute changes made to show times by the ship, and then ensure that you are not late but in fact early enough to get a good seat, can it really be called “freestyle”?

And what happens when you miss a show? The optional nightly entertainment is Fat Cats blue’s bar, a pianist in the Martini bar, themed parties in Spice H2O, and the Bliss Ultra Lounge.  On four nights Howl at the Moon is presented from 9 pm to midnight (no reservations necessary) in the Headliners Lounge.  There are also movies and a band in the atrium.  This sounds like a lot but then most of it is in a bar atmosphere which doesn’t appeal to all passengers, especially those with children.

Have you ever heard of a cruise ship where you need a reservation every night just to see a show? Regular cruise ships offer a different show every night for everyone. When was the last time you heard anyone say they couldn’t see a show on any ship due to the theater being filled to capacity every night?

But on Norwegian Epic shows are repeated night after night just so people have a chance to see them one time. If you don’t happen to get into a show on any given night your options are fairly limited. You won’t see any real stage entertainment without a reservation unless you get in a standby line very early and get lucky – with the exception of the “Legends Unplugged” show held in the Manhattan Supper Club.

Epic does indeed offer Epic entertainment, but it also seems an Epic passenger is more of a schedule slave than even on other NCL ships or any non-“Freestyle” ship.

You know, those commercials where they make fun of people nervously eyeing their watches, waiting in lines and marching in lock step?  Welcome aboard Norwegian Epic.

If we really think about it, anyone over the age of six should realize nothing is perfect. Mrs. Kuki has stuck with me for almost 30 years, and she can most certainly attest to that fact (She actually refers to it as being stuck with me for almost 30 years; viewing it as some sort of punishment for things she did before she met me). As imperfect as I am, she rarely complains, so she makes for a “perfect” wife, and a “perfect” cruiser.

We appreciate how fortunate we are when we step onboard a ship. Of course we have expectations as well. We expect to get full value out of our cruise experiences. But I do wonder if people’s expectations aren’t getting out of line in relation to how much their cruise vacations are costing them. The cost of cruising today in many cases are close to historic lows (unless you’re on holiday sailings). Even fares for peak times of the year such as holiday sailings can often be found at “bargain basement pricing” when compared to years gone by and adjusted for inflation. Even cruises on the luxury lines can be found offering incredibly low prices, and often including air fares, shore excursions, etc. Yet, a considerable number of passengers are demanding more for less.

The often voiced complaints about cutbacks and “nickel & diming” are frankly becoming a bit tedious… when put in perspective, comparing the cruise price today to what is used to be.

 I had recently posted a thread on our message boards at CruiseMates asking readers what the first thing they would change would be if they were President of Carnival Cruise Line. Perhaps not surprisingly, rather than look at the question from a business perspective, the vast majority of respondents talked about changing things that would #1. Address an area which directly impacted their own situation, and #2. Add costs for the cruise line to implement. I was hoping to get folks to swap seats, from passenger to business operator; to take a look from that perspective to see if people could come up with good ideas to improve the cruise experience, without having to raise costs to implement their suggestions and ideas. Several decent ideas did come up, but many people had some difficulties viewing the question from anything other than their passenger perspective.

One of the most common complaints from cruisers is that alcohol onboard is too expensive. Having been in the retail sale of alcohol business I am incredulous when I see people comparing the price of alcoholic drinks on ships to what they would pay for it at home (by the bottle, or dozens for beer) from the local discount liquor and beer stores. Pretty much every restaurant or bar on land marks up their drinks by anywhere from 300 to 400% of their wholesale purchase price when they sell it individually to their patrons. When selling wine by the bottle in restaurants and bars the mark ups are normally easily 400% if not more. Yet we often see people complain about a bottle of wine onboard costing $35, when they say they can purchase it from a retailer at home for $8.95. Most of the mass market cruise lines allow passengers to bring at least a bottle of wine per person with them when they board. However they have all become more and more restrictive with other forms of alcohol. And, yes, I do believe that to a large degree those restrictions are justifiable.

I am amazed at the amount of effort many people put into smuggling their own liquor onboard in an attempt to beat the cruise lines embargo on bringing it onboard. There’s a myriad of other complaints onboard that just make me shake my head, and ask myself… What were they thinking?

 -At present a hot complaint is about smoking on ships. Very strange because all of the cruise lines prominently announce the smoking policies on their ships. Today there are many lines who do have very restrictive smoking policies on their ships. Yet people will choose ships with less restrictive policies perhaps because the price may be lower. So they want to pay the lower fare on a line, which clearly has less restrictive policies, and demand they make those policies more restrictive to suit them.

 - Another complaint I really don’t understand is the demand for better perks in cruise line “repeat cruiser programs”. Admittedly we’ve become expecting of “rewards” for customer loyalty in the past decade, because it’s become a popular gimmick promotion for all types of businesses. But I personally find it unjustifiable to give all of “my business” to one supplier, simply in an attempt to win “points”. In most customer awards program the actual value of the “award” is normally less than 1%, and frankly most businesses could not afford to give away more for your loyalty and still stay in business to serve you.

 I could go on and on with my thoughts on the subject, but I want to see YOU adding to my list. What are the complaints you hear and see that tick you off, and make you ask yourselves… What were they thinking?

No question, there are incidents occurring on ships, where passengers have valid complaints, but it sure seems to me that there’s more of an abundance of thoughtless complaints, which come about by either a lack of researching for details prior to booking, or are attempts to receive unearned compensation of some form. I’m really feeling that much of this could be remedied by Less Whine and More Wine!

- A View From the Kuki Side of Cruising -

by Jan Shaughnessy – In 1981 when I took my first cruise the dining options were simple.  The main dining room offered early or late dining for all meals.  The Lido deck buffet was open for breakfast and lunch only.  If you wanted 24-hour coffee you had to march way up to the Lido deck.  There was no 24-hour pizza,  deli, or pâtisserie.   They did however have a midnight buffet every night.  It came complete with food and ice sculptures and yes, it was held at midnight.

Today there is a plethora of dining options.  Some are complimentary and some for a charge.  In 2000, Norwegian Cruise Lines revolutionized the dining experience with Freestyle Dining.  The concept being you could dine whenever, wherever, and with whomever.  Many cruisers were aghast that Norwegian would make such a bold move against the traditional way of dining.  Others embraced the move and other cruise lines soon followed.

Here’s where the name game starts.  Princess was the next cruise line to come out with their version of Freestyle dining.  They named it “Anytime Dining”.  Not wanting to be one-upped, Holland America went with “As You Wish”.  Carnival Cruise Lines thought they would just keep it simple with “Your Time Dining”.  Rival company Royal Caribbean International said they couldn’t stand for that and raised Carnival one, and called them on that play with “My Time Dining.”  Well, sister company Celebrity being the premium product, elegantly went with “Celebrity Select Dining”.

Now if the names of the main dining options weren’t enough to make you dizzy, what about the “reservations only” restaurants?  Are they Steakhouses, Supper Clubs, Le Bistros, or Club Restaurants?  Disney likes to call them “Adult Exclusive Dining”.  Holland America describes their reservation only Pinnacle Grill experience as “Intimate, luxurious, with fine china, linens, and stemware”.  Now I don’t know about you, but when I hear the word “grill”, I think of hamburgers and hotdogs.

When it comes to the buffet dining (or is it  called quick dining, or casual dining?), you can almost be certain to find it up on the Lido deck.  But then again, some cruise lines might call it the Resort deck or just number the deck, or get real creative and call it the Siren deck.  It doesn’t matter to me, if it has a pool and a buffet,  then I’m calling it the Lido deck.  I also don’t care if they call the buffet the “Grand Buffet, Garden Cafe, Horizon Court, Ocean Cafe, or the Windjammer Cafe”.

I remember when NCL first came out with the Freestyle cruising.  Their commercials showed people sitting around looking at their watches all the time.  They were trying to say that with their competitors you were under a regimental schedule, always having to look at your watch to be on time.  But with Freestyle you didn’t have to worry about watches and were free to do as you pleased.  They also touted the Freestyle would allow you to stay ashore longer and not have to hurry back for an early dining time.  Here’s the truth as I see it.  All the cruise lines highly recommend you make a reservation for their open dining.  If you don’t make a reservation you could be waiting for a table just as you would at a restaurant back home.  It’s possible you wouldn’t need a reservation if you came very early or real late.  But if you come during peak time it’s best to have a reservation.

So if you have to make a reservation how is that really Freestyle?  Aren’t you looking at your watch to make sure you meet your reservation on time?  If you don’t make a reservation and rush back from your shore excursion to beat the crowds, is that allowing you more time than rushing back for the fixed early dining time?  The pros and cons of not having to sit with bad table mates, and not having the same waiter each night is an another whole topic.  I’m interested in your experiences and comments on the open dining plan.  Do you like it? Hate it? Prefer the fixed dining times?  They can call it Freestyle, My Time Dining, or As you Wish.  As long as they don’t call me late to Supper.  Or is that dinner?

#1 Istanbul, Turkey – Prior to my first visit to Turkey I had what proved to be a very distorted view of what the city and area would be like. For reasons unknown I expected I’d find a “ 3^rd world” style country, where tourists were tolerated, but unwelcome.

What I found was a friendly and helpful population, and certainly one of the most magnificent cities in the world. During a pre-cruise and post-cruise stay we found we felt perfectly safe just walking the streets, traveling from one awesome site to the next. We also found a populace which was quite proud of their secular society, though the majority of the population are Muslims.

A nice thing in Istanbul is many of the sites you want to visit are located in close proximity. If you have no mobility problems you can quite easily walk from one to the next.

Just down the street is another magnificent structure, The Church of the Holy Wisdom or Hagia Sophia. It dates back to the 6th century and was constructed for the Byzantine Emperor Justinian. It was turned from a church to a mosque in the 15th century when the minarets were added. In 1930 it was made a museum.

A bit further along the same stretch of road is The Topkapi Palace, built in the says of the Ottoman empire and is lavishly decorated. There is so much to see here, and get a glimpse of the life of the Sultans. The former imperial residence is a spectacular museum that has one of the largest collections of Chinese and Japanese porcelain.

The central area of Florence has streets to narrow for large tour buses, so much of it serves as a pedestrian walkway. Seeing Michelangelo’s marble masterpiece statue of David, at the Galleria Dell’ Accademia, will take your breath away. Follow that with a visit with the masters of Renaissance painting at the Uffizi Gallery. (Pre-purchase admissions to both to avoid the long lines). Then spend the rest of your time simply strolling the streets with a must-do walk across the Ponte Vechhio bridge, where you can be blinded by the bling from the windows of all the jewellery stores.

There’s certainly much more to see in Florence as well, but I’m happy to repeat the day I described above over and over again.

New York is generally a starting or ending point for cruises, not a port of call, and as such a pre or post cruise stay of several nights should be a must when you’re scheduling your trips.

I’m no expert on the city, and a quick Google search will certainly describe all the highlights you have to choose from. But there’s some things I’ve really enjoyed on my visits, that I can give personal recommendations too.

Many of the sights and neighbourhoods of Manhattan can best be seen and visited using the Hop On- Hop Off buses.

As I described above, in Istanbul and Florence, I truly enjoy walking in cities I don’t really know when I am visiting. I find it gives me a more intimate feeling of my surroundings, and the people I encounter. And New York is certainly no different. For a visitor, though there’s thousands of taxis available, it’s a great walking city.

I love walking along Broadway from Time Square up to Central Park, and coming back, weaving my way through the streets between Avenue of the Americas and Broadway. A walk during the day has to include a lunch stop at the famed Carnegie Deli for the mountainous sandwiches, crisp pickles, and the biggest knishes I’ve ever seen.

Then stroll back towards Broadway to attend an evening play. Then dinner either before or afterwards in the Theatre District, at my favorite restaurant, Becco (355 West 46th Street),

255 West 43rd Street) is a high priority on my list, for the best and biggest hot dog lunch plates. I’m a “good eater” and I have a tough time getting through it. I know many people view having a hot dog from the street vendors in Manhattan as a right of passage, but for me it’s the Brooklyn Diner!

The thing about St. Petersburg that draws me in is the drastic contrasts between the opulence of it’s aristocratic history, and the “grey” feel of many of it’s present day buildings.

The most well known spot to visit is of course The Hermitage; the world’s second largest art museum. The art collection was begun by Catherine the Great, and that collection grew to the point, that today it is housed in four buildings, and palaces,, collectively called The Hermitage. An informed guide is as essential as a visit to this incredible art museum.

Then there are the two must see Palaces - Catherine’s Palace in Pushkin and Peter the Great’s Peterhof. Peterhof was founded at the very beginning of the 18th century by Emperor Peter the Great.

A visa is required to disembark the ship in St. Petersburg. However the licensed tour operators, as well as ship’s tour operators provide the visas. You only have to apply for visas yourself if you plan to get off the ship and tour entirely on your own, which is not admissible if you don’t speak and read Russian.

I invite our readers to share your favorite cities to my list, along with a brief explanation of what it is that makes them special to you.

- A View From the Kuki Side of Cruising -

By Dave Beers (CruiseReviews Editor) — Let’s begin by saying the frustrated Crown & Anchor member is yours truly.  This article didn’t start out that way.  It was about a reader who had repeated problems with her cruise history vanishing from Royal Caribbean’s website, but her problem magically got fixed two days ago and somehow it now plagued me.  Read on.

All of the cruise line websites have quirks and annoyances, but I get more complaints about the Royal Caribbean website than any other.  Most are little things where the user can’t find something and they have to jump through hoops to locate the information.  A lot of this has to with the seemingly endless penchant to tweak the websites, change how things are accessed, or where things are located.  To be fair, this need to tweak is not the exclusive territory of Royal Caribbean.  They all do it and quite often it doesn’t seem to improve things from a user-friendly point of view.  Carnival recently changed their website for the worse and the Norwegian Cruise Line website is a disaster area.  But regardless, when it comes to gripes Royal Caribbean leads the list.

A major source of angst over the past few years has been the Crown & Anchor portion of the RCI website.  For the longest time, cruise credits either didn’t show up in the user’s account, or were exceedingly slow in appearing.  Sometimes several months would pass between a cruise ending and the credit appearing.  While the cruise credits were indeed in the member’s Crown & Anchor account, they were not transferring to the website.  People like to see their cruise history and thus the frustration sets in when their account is fraught with errors.

Within the past year my experience has been that this cruise credit problem had been fixed.  My account has been promptly updated and I’ve had no problems.  However while checking the Royal Caribbean website to research the reader’s complaint – that her cruise history kept vanishing – I discovered that my account was now screwed up too.  My cruise history was gone and I was getting messages saying my name didn’t match the Crown & Anchor records.

I got error messages such as “The last name or surname you entered does not match the last name or surname that we currently have on file for the Crown & Anchor number you entered. Please contact the Crown & Anchor Loyalty Desk.”

I decided to test Royal Caribbean’s ability to respond to messages sent to them from within their website, so I sent them a note detailing the problem.  I immediately got an e-mail automatic response which said “Thank you for contacting us. This is an automated confirmation that your email has been received. Our representatives will reply to your inquiry in the order in which it was received. Please reply only if you need to provide additional information related to your original email. Follow-up emails regarding the status of your query may further delay your response.  We appreciate your patience and understanding as we work to service your request.”  Providing additional information may delay their response?

Six days elapsed before I received a personal reply, which came in an e-mail which said “Thank you for your e-mail.  We apologize for any delay in our response.  While we would be more than happy to assist you with the error you are receiving, we are unable to troubleshoot issues with the website through an e-mail response.”

Paul recently told me that, these days, too many people have a fear of picking up the phone but it is the fastest way to clear up a problem.  One ten minute call can resolve what days worth of e-mails can’t.  He is absolutely correct on that.  Too bad Royal Caribbean can’t simply say call them if the problem is related to their website.  Instead we accomplished absolutely nothing and it only took six days.   And so I called them and the problem was resolved in less than 10 minutes.

The problem?  My online profile had somehow been changed from “David Beers” to “Mr. David Beers”.  The pulldown menu for “title” went from saying “select one” to “Mr.”  I am not kidding.

For the readers….have you had problems with cruise line websites?  Which ones do you think are best or worst?

Though those two sentences seem to contradict each other, both are true. In this week’s Blog my intent is to assist you in learning about the parts that make it complicated, and leave you prepared for smooth sailing; or very confused.

Cruising used to be known as attractive to only the newly wed, or the nearly dead. Today cruising is for everyone, from the broke and lazy to the old and crazy.

The most important part of cruise planning to understand is that it involves getting on a ship, and said ship will move from place to place on water. So NOTE- though a part of the ship acts the same as a hotel, it is not hotel.

When choosing a cruise you have many choices of where you want it to go. There’s a wide variety of itineraries to choose from. If there’s somewhere you want to visit, or a series of places, find a ship to book that’s going there. But understand that ships don’t always necessarily go where they say they are going.

Food and beverages are an important part of the cruise experience. Cruise ships are a veritable cornucopia of food and beverage choices. They are available 24/7 during your cruise. However, you may want to remember that it is not a requirement to indulge in them during all waking hours. There’s a reason for the old cruise proverb – get onboard as a passenger and get off as cargo. Though I have no personal experience, it is possible to eat and drink yourself to death. There is no requirement to eat the equivalent of six times your boarding weight by the end of your cruise. And there’s no requirement to calculate the dollar value of the food you’re eating to make sure you consume a total value of food higher than the amount you paid for your cruise ticket.

You may also want to note, that unlike many hotels, the stairs are not only for use as emergency exits. You are allowed to use them to travel up or down between floors without fear of setting off alarms, or facing any penalties.

Pretty much all ships have swimming pools, but swimming in them is near impossible. Due to the limited space they are really “standing pools” or “sitting pools”. They are really more like large hot tubs, without the jet sprays, and hot water. Oh, and if you don’t think people pee in those pools, you’ll believe me when I tell you you’re the best looking person I’ve ever met.

By far the single most commonly asked question on a ship is: Where are you from? It’s starts of innocently enough; a passenger asks a fellow passenger, then a passenger asks their cabin steward, and then they ask their dining room servers, and before they can control themselves they’re asking all the staff in the buffet. The cruise lines have taken moves to try and control this trend. They’ve put name tags on all the crew members, and list their home country right on the name tag. Yet, passengers are too smart for that trick. We look at their name tags, read where they are from, and just rephrase the question…”So, you’re from … are you?”.

Many of the crew have caught the “bug” and busily ask passengers… where are you from?

It’s all about socializing. Cruising is certainly the most social vacation one can choose. Anyone on a land vacation ever walk into a restaurant, look around, and tell the maitre ‘d you think you’d like to sit and dine with those strangers over there? Oddly, it generally works out pretty well on a ship, probably 90% of the time. Though I do have to ask myself if some of these people aren’t idiots if they want to have dinner with me.

If you’re on a land vacation, and you’re going to or from, your hotel room, do you greet everyone you walk by? If you do, you’ll be probably be reported to hotel security as a stalker. Yet, on a ship, it’s pretty much the norm. it’s a bit weird, but pleasant enough.

The most diabolical and well planned thing on a cruise is they key to your cabin. They hand you an innocent looking “room key” and happen to mention that it’s also your identification for getting on and off the ship in ports of call, and, by the way, it’s also your ship board charge card. Now, the world in general has pretty much turned into a cashless society and most of us are used to dealing with credit cards and debit cards to make our purchases. But the shipboard “sail and spend” cards are meant to trick us. I know I over use mine often, especially with pretty bartenders, waiters, and shop staff. Mainly because it’s my “room key”, and I’ve always fantasized about spending my days handing my room key to many different good looking women. When really, what I should be thinking is how badly things generally go when you give a woman a credit card.

One last thing I’ll touch on… when you first get onboard it’s very exciting. And when you first get to see your cabin it is so easy to be over-excited. You run in, take a look at what under different circumstances might look like the size of your walk in closet, and you’re thrilled. You unpack, amazingly finding what seems like the right place for everything. Then you turn around, ready to leave to explore the ship, and somehow you can’t find the door to leave. Don’t panic! It’s there. There are two doors. One is to the bathroom. Just open the other one, ignore the Do Not Disturb sign.

- A View From The Kuki Side of Cruising -

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

 

My honest response… good question!

Anne Campbell and Paul Motter were just starting CruiseMates and I think they had a team brain blip, and asked me if I would work for them, and write for the site. At the time I was in the bar and restaurant business (retired from that 3 ½ years ago, at age 57), and had been cruising for less than 5 years. But, I was hosting a live online cruise chat for Anne on AOL for 3 of those years.

I was never a writer, and had no training. Though at one time, in college, I had considered a career in journalism, and taken several courses. The invitation to begin writing feature articles for CruiseMates presented an interesting challenge, and exciting prospects, so I jumped at the opportunity. Basically I ended up with a job I probably couldn’t have ever got if I had been trying.

Over the last 11 years I’ve written literally hundreds of feature articles, ship reviews, “Virtual Cruises“, and Blog entries.

Since my beginnings at CruiseMates our readership has grown exponentially, and many of you may have never read many of my earlier articles, so I thought I’d go back and re-visit some of my favorites, and favorite experiences.

　

My very first article for CruiseMates was titled “Middle Aged and Sexy”

http://www.cruisemates.com/articles/kukiside/mid-sexy.cfm

 

One of my favorite assignments during my time at CruiseMates is writing Virtual Cruise Reports. When I first began writing them, it was quite a challenge getting them filed, as there was very limited Internet connections available for passengers. I had to put them and the accompanying pictures on “floppy disks” (remember them), and take the disks down to the Communications officers, who would send them for me each day.

The first Virtual Cruise I wrote was from the Kuki family cruise to Alaska

http://www.cruisemates.com/articles/kukiside/vision-intro.cfm

If you haven’t read this article before I’d like to recommend it. I had a great time writing it because I was allowed to let my “slightly twisted” imagination run wild. 

I remember when I used to love to fly - back in the day before the Government de-regulated the airlines.  People dressed nice for their flights, you received a hot meal, and you had leg room.  

Fast forward to 2010.  I still actually love flying.  That is, the aspect of the flight itself. There’s something about the plane speeding up for the take off, the actually lift, then the climbing up to a pre-set altitude where the plane levels off and then peacefully glides along.  I am mesmerized as I stare out at the fluffy clouds.  

But what I don’t like about flying today is the whole ordeal the airlines put you through with prices on air tickets and amenities.

It starts with the horrid game of finding the right flights at the right price.  Recently, I was looking for a flight from Nashville to Fort Lauderdale for November 14-17th.  I needed something that would get me there late morning or early afternoon.  Nope, no early morning flights whatsoever.  The only flights were early afternoon getting there in the evening.  I was looking at fares of $300-$350.  I was not happy.  

I didn’t want to fly the day before and have the added expense of a hotel.  I waited five days and on a Sunday afternoon I decided to check flights again.  Bingo, there was the perfect early flight  and perfect return I needed, and the price was $180.  

If the process of finding the right flights for the right price doesn’t drive you batty enough, then there’s all the add ons to consider.  On August 1st, Spirit Airlines started charging for carry-on bags that don’t fit under the seat.  If you’re a member of their $9 Fare Club your carry-on will only cost $20.  Non-members who pre-pay online will be charged $30, and if you wait until check-in it’ll cost you $45 at the gate.  I guess this was Spirit’s answer to all the people who crammed their way to large carry-ons, to avoid Spirit’s checked baggage fees which are $19 pre-paid or $25 at the gate.  And that’s just for the first checked bag, which by the way better not be one pound overweight or that will cost you another $50 and up.  Oh, and let’s not forget these baggage fees are each way, not round trip.  The major airlines Delta, American, United, Continental, and US Airways have similar policies on checked baggage, but as of yet, don’t charge for carry-on.

Now that we have the airfare and baggage figured out,  what else is there to consider? Well, Southwest is charging $10 each way now for the privilege of being first on the plane.  Spirit charges $8 a segment for a seat assignment and $25 for a Big Front Seat.  Other major carriers will also charge for what they call premium seats.  Which may mean a little more leg room, an aisle seat, or exit row.  You’ll also have to consider all the onboard expenses.  International Ryan Airlines announced in April that they did intend to charge for using the bathroom.  Some airlines are charging for pillows, blankets, and headsets.  Just about all are charging for meals and snacks, anywhere from $3 for snacks to $8 and $10 for meals.  

Let’s not even talk about those $5-$7 beers and cocktails.  A couple years ago American Airlines tested charging for a soda and it backfired.  This is where I draw the line too.  I would refuse to pay $2 for a coke on a plane.  If I am frugal I can buy Coke on sale at $2.50 a twelve pack.  That’s roughly 21 cents a can.  Now, you know the airlines have contracts with suppliers and  are buying in bulk.  So what is that can of Coke costing them?  If the airlines are going to lock me up in a stuffy plane for hours the least they can do is quench my thirst with a soda that cost them less than 21 cents.

Spirit Airlines is even entertaining the idea of charging you to talk to a human being.  They believe that anything that can be done electronically should be done online or the airport kiosk.  If something can’t be done electronically, then they wouldn’t charge you for having human intervention.  Is this fair?  What about elderly people or lower income people that still don’t have computers?  What if you’re traveling and need assistance but don’t have access to a computer?  I remember many years ago when the airport kiosk first came out.  I flew Northwest all the time then.  I handed my ticket to the lady behind the counter to only be told “You need to check in on the kiosk.”  What!  You’re standing there doing nothing and I have to check myself in?  Don’t these employees realize they are going to put themselves out of a job?

I can’t imagine what the airlines will come up with next.  But I’m sure they’ll keep trying to gouge their paying passengers.  I think they could take a look at some of their own policies and look at cut backs.  For instance, I don’t see why they have to give all these “buddy passes” to every Tom, Dick, or Harry, that knows an airline employee. Let them pay!  So where will it all end?  How low will they go (or should I say how high)?   Like my favorite actor Clint Eastwood said in Magnum Force.  ”A man’s got to know his limitations.”    Well, the soda is mine, what’s yours?

By Dave Beers (CruiseReviews Editor) – So you just booked your first cruise and they are giving you a two category upgrade!  You got a great deal, right?  Well maybe not.  Indeed, it is likely you were lured by a lofty and largely meaningless sales gimmick.

I have long been bothered by the misuse and misunderstanding of the word “upgrade”.  It rarely means what it implies, yet too many cruisers go through various stages of rapture when told they received an upgrade.  Someone receives an e-mail from the cruise line which touts special savings with upgrades and people will take the hook and book.  They either fail to read the fine print, or even bother to look at the cabin category descriptions.

“Book a category 6A and automatically get upgraded to a category 6C”.  Sounds nice doesn’t it?  But what is it really? In most cases, that upgrade is merely a move to an identical cabin on a different deck.  Using Carnival as an example, getting an upgrade can mean booking a 6A cabin on the Riviera Deck of the Fantasy and being moved to a 6C cabin directly above you on the Main Deck.  But the cabins are internally identical.  185 square feet.  Same beds.  Same bathroom.  Same everything except for the category assignment.  Oh, but they do charge more for the 6C so therein lays the shell game aspect of the upgrade.  The cruise line can look you straight in the eye and say you were upgraded to a more expensive cabin.

The prospective cruiser who thinks they can book an inside cabin and will be immediately upgraded to a balcony cabin is dreaming.  Those you encounter on a ship who brag that they get huge upgrades all the time, and in fact they were upgraded from an inside cabin to an owners suite this time, are lying and need to go back to their inside cabin and rethink their lives.

The typical upgrade is going to remain within basic categories and will rarely be a genuine upgrade.  Standard inside cabin to another standard inside cabin, standard balcony cabin to another standard balcony cabin, etc.  One of the forum moderators calls it being “updecked”, and that in many cases is a more accurate description although you can also be “downdecked” too since some ships  have more expensive categories spread all over the place.  You see, there is a reason why cruise lines have so many categories.  The more of something you have, the more likely it will confuse.  Not to pick on Carnival, but recently they changed many of their cabin category names, and split previous categories up into more categories.  Princess, NCL, and Royal Caribbean are also infamous for their seemingly endless categories.  The Caribbean Princess has 35 cabin categories.  The new Norwegian Epic has 38.  The Oasis Of The Seas has 37.

A true upgrade to me means going to a cabin which offers something you don’t have in your original cabin.  Gaining more space.  Getting a balcony.  Getting a bathtub.  Those are upgrades.  And, they do happen.  All cruise lines have tightened up on upgrades over the past couple of years, and they often require approval from a surprisingly high level of management.

The best chances of getting a real upgrade are to either be a high end member of the cruise line loyalty club, or to book a cabin category guarantee.  I know a person who had done close to 40 cruises with Royal Caribbean before he finally got upgraded.  In his case he was moved from a standard balcony cabin to a Grand Suite.  Pretty nice upgrade.  But then, look at all the money he’d spent with the cruise line over the years.

Those who book a guarantee will get at least the category they booked, but do have a better chance of moving to truly better category.  Another option is the “upsell”, which seems to be more frequently used by NCL than other lines.  With the upsell, you are offered a nicer cabin for an extra fee.  This can often be far less than if you booked the better cabin outright, and thus an upsell is often a good deal.

My advice to those who booked a specific cabin category, with an assigned cabin number, is to not get fixated on getting an upgrade.  It likely isn’t going to happen or be meaningful.  It is wise to remember that cruise lines do things for monetary reasons and are not in business to be philanthropic.  If they were, I wouldn’t own stock in them.

I don’t play the upgrade game.  I pick a specific cabin, by number, and book it.  If the cruise line approaches me about moving, I’ll entertain their proposal if it truly offers me something worthwhile.  Otherwise, I prefer to stay put.

Do you like playing the upgrade game, or is picking a specific cabin and sticking with it your approach?

River cruising is the fastest growing niche in travel.  Those looking for a slower pace from ocean cruising will find river cruising fits the bill.  You won’t find rock climbing walls, bowling alleys, Bingo, art auctions, or water slides on a river cruise.  But you will find intimate ships, cultural enrichment, attentive service, and gourmet dining.   River cruises provide an enjoyable way to experience different countries up close and personable.  Passengers will enjoy scenic landscapes and changing vistas as they cruise past castles, vineyards, and picturesque villages.

 

River cruise lines have been raising the bar offering a luxurious and all-inclusive experience.  Most river cruise lines include all meals, unlimited wine, beer, and soda with meals, bottled water, and include shore excursions.  Some include free internet service and use of bicycles while in port.  The average river boat carries 150 passengers or less (except China).  Luxurious appointed river view staterooms are generous in square footage, and offer upgraded linens and bathroom amenities.

 

Those seeking an extra indulgence may upgrade to a suite for a premium experience.  Most of the newest river boats being built have over 80% french balconies.

 

River cruising offers cruisers the opportunity to an Old World in a new way.  You’ll dock in the heart of town just steps away from town squares and charm.  There’ll be no long lines to disembark and no waiting for tenders.  Included shore excursions are escorted by an English speaking guide.  Quietvox headsets are provided, allowing you to spread out from the group and not feel crowded.  Entertainment onboard will often complement the region the ships are sailing.  Cooking demonstrations, local wine and beer tastings, cuckoo clock making, and talented local dancers and musicians will delight your evening.

 

Well known river cruise lines like Tauck, Uniworld, AMAwaterways, Avalon, and Viking, sail the rivers of Europe, China, Russia, and Egypt.  New to the market are Mekong River cruises sailing in Vietnam and Cambodia.  Cruises range in length from as little as four nights on the Danube sailing from Vienna to Budapest; up to 31 days sailing from Paris to Istanbul on the Rhine, Main, and Danube rivers to the Black Sea.  Pre and Post packages can be added on to extend your vacation.  Those looking for a themed  cruise will find Wine cruises, History tours to Normandy, and Christmas Market cruises.  River cruises have a high satisfaction rate and appeal to baby boomers, retirees, and those seeking a historical and cultural experience.