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The Problems We Face Being Cruisers

Written by: Kuki

Normally most of us (the cruise addicted) are very proud of our affliction. We don’t waste our valuable cruise dollars on psychiatrists or mood altering medication because we know all we need to keep us happy is to have a countdown clock set for our next cruise; the shorter the countdown the happier we are.

But the fact is most of us don’t have many friends left on land because we’ve bored them to death at every social function we attend. We’re much too adept at turning the topic of any conversation to something cruise related.

-A new parent tells us all about the first time their lovely new bundle of skin and membranes has just slept through the night for the first time and we respond telling them that children aren’t allowed in the swimming pools onboard until they are toilet trained.
-Our friend who’s an architect talks about the structure he’s designed for a mega project in Dubai and we respond how we much prefer to cruise to Australia and New Zealand.
-A Fireman friend tells the story of how he saved a family from a burning building just prior the structure collapsing, and we respond with the story of the time we were on a cruise and rescued 14 Haitian refugees in a raft built out of milk cartons and chewing gum.
-We take our friends out for dinner to celebrate their anniversary and we talk about the fabulous cake the cruise line brought us when we were cruising on our anniversary.

Then, of course we also become social misfits….

-Friends invite us out for the evening to go see the hottest new blockbuster movie, but we decline because we have to stay home as the Travel Channel is showing the Making of the Freedom of the Seas for the 132nd time.
-The family is going camping for a weekend, and without thinking we pack our formal wear, but forget the tent.
- Our neighbours report us to the police because we keep checking their mailboxes; it’s difficult to explain to the police that we just want to make sure the mailman didn’t made a mistake when delivering our cruise documents.
-While everyone we talk to is excited that winter is over, spring has come, and summer is almost here, we’re getting depressed because it’s the start of hurricane season.
-During spring clean up or when having garage sales, we’re willing to get rid of everything we own except for our favorite document holder, and the 36 cruise line tote bags we’ve received.
-We’re no longer invited to anyone’s birthday party because everyone we know is sick of getting the paraphernalia we won at the cruise ship trivia contests as presents.
- Someone smiles at us when we walk by them in a mall and we glare at them, thinking we have a stalker, yet on a ship we’ll stop, ask them where they’re from, and invite them to our cabin for cocktails.
- We know all the terms for desired cabin categories – aft cabins, hump cabins, extended balconies, etc., but have trouble remembering the dates of our kids birthdays, and worse yet our spouses.
-When we do attend parties, people look at us strangely as we take a bottle of liquor out of the knapsack we’re carrying. A habit we just can’t break.
-For the past decade the picture on our Christmas cards has been an embarkation photo— and really that just aggravates all our friends.
-87% of our emails- and the only ones we read – are ads from travel agencies.
-We spend 43.7 percent of our free time reading cruise message boards, and our spouses shrug their shoulders when we call them in to read yet another “funniest thread ever.”
- When we do happen to leave the house, and go out for dinner, we ask the server where they’re from— and they call the manager who accuses us of being a pedophile.
- We think of ourselves as well rounded, great conversationalists, who can entertain people for hours on end with wonderful stories from our cruises, yet no one we know wants to talk to us anymore.

Yet, get us on a cruise ship and suddenly we’re “normal”. We’re gregarious and social, and wandering around with a big smile on our face. We meet up with friends who we’ve met on previous cruises, and become long time friends with people we’ve never met before.

There’s no question that cruises change people. And I personally don’t mind being shunned by family and friends alike if it means I get to go on another cruise soon. The cruise industry is an institution and I’m happiest when I’m institutionalized.

- A View From the Kuki Side of Cruising -

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Comments

Comment from JSnow
Time May 27, 2009 at 1:36 pm

Just today I was trying to explain that I don’t like to have to iron my tux shirt at home and that on a 3 night cruise there just isn’t time to have it done before formal night. He never understood what my issue was.

Comment from Trip
Time May 27, 2009 at 4:54 pm

We are a fun bunch at sea, aren’t we? At home, ahhh, not so much;):)

Comment from WildRover
Time May 28, 2009 at 11:08 am

These are the very reasons I am anxious for DH to take his first cruise. — So we’ll have something to talk about. Right now, he just doesn’t get it. Just wait til he hears that horn!

Comment from Kevin Bacon
Time June 2, 2009 at 9:06 am

Kuki – that is a great piece of writing – my family and i laughed hilariously while reading it – if you’re not writing for a living you should be!! Thanks for brightening our day, Kevin

Comment from MagnoliaBlossom
Time June 20, 2009 at 7:10 am

When our friends come to dinner we decide on cocktail based on which set of souveneir glassware we want to use.
Hurricanes? Martinis? Collins? Margarita?
So many choices. Somehow our friends never seem as enchanted with our neon pink plastic stemware as we are. Go figure.

Comment from Camilla
Time May 2, 2010 at 8:54 am

I admit…. I became one of them…. :-D
GREAT piece of lecture. Had to forward your link to my addressbook-content for better understanding of our needs hehehehe….
That text really brightened up my rainy sunday here…. :-)

Comment from RobBar
Time May 2, 2010 at 12:05 pm

Nice tongue in cheek article. I’m not sure we are that obvious though you forgot to say how we are waiting for our tax refund so we can afford the next cruise.
The other conversation is to say how we are comparing merits of an inside cabin , an outside cabin so we can take that World Cruise as the balcony requires winning the Lottery.
If it was not for the daily cruise mailings that arrive in our mailbox the postman would think nobody except for bill collectors love us.

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