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“Kuki” Predictions For The Cruise Industry in 2011

Written by: Kuki

The cruise industry witnessed a multitude of changes in 2010, but alas it was just the beginning.
 
Here’s a look at what you can expect to see happen in the industry in 2011 - by Julian Assange.
 
- In an effort to reduce food costs main dining rooms will be desingated clothing optional.
 
-The “who could eat when seeing those sights” business model proves very effective.
 
- Another 4 cruise lines will begin charging for a “better” steak in the dining room.
 
- 6 cruise lines will be serving the same steak they used to serve for free in the dining room for a fee.
 
- corkage fees for serving wine guest’s brought onboard with them will rise to $125.
 
- all guests boarding ships will be subjected to enhanced pat downs for security purposes ( and to be certain all rum runners are discovered).
 
- the cost of a Pina Colada onboard will rise to $21.06 including gratuity.
 
 

 

- the cost of the all you can drink soda card onboard will rise to $43/day, and you’ll have to guess which bar is allowed to service people with those cards.
 
- Dunkin Donuts shops will open across the promenade from Starbucks on all Royal Caribbean ships.
 
- Jack In the Box will buy the ocean.

 

- One cruise line will experiment with installing an outlet mall on their promenade.

 

- Another will counter with a WalMart Super Store on Lido Deck.

 

- To meet the demand for smaller more intimate ships one cruise line will build a boat.

 

- To meet the demand for larger and larger ships offering more amenities, one cruise line will install an azipod propulsion system on New Orleans.

 

- In an effort to alleviate the growing demands on the health care system the government will approve Medicare payments for cruise fares on Holland America.

 

- Onboard lecture programs will expand. Mothers will be delivering the lectures; covering such topics as: “You could poke your eye out”, “ If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?”, “That’ll make hair grow on your palms”, and of course, “ Why would they buy the cow, if they get the milk for free”.

 

- The percentage of people boarding ships will rise by 13%. The percentage of people disembarking ships via the gangway will rise by 9%.

 

- The price of cruise fares will drop to $18 per day. Non commissionable fees will rise to $4000.00 per person.

 

- Areas where guests are allowed to smoke onboard will be restricted to one washroom, next to the casino.

 

- The building of the world’s newest largest ship will be announced, and it will be so large it will be it’s own congressional district.

 

- It will have it’s own “neighborhood” themes, including one neighborhood designed to present the urban atmosphere; called “The Slums”, featuring cabins with no doors.

 

- Following the success of the extra cost “Behind the scenes tours” several cruise lines will allow guests to attempt to park the ship in each port of call, at a cost of $201,111,111.

- A View From The Kuki Side of Cruising -

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Comments

Comment from Kenneth Eden
Time December 29, 2010 at 9:18 am

Kuki, you forgot one!! THE TAKE NO LUGGAGE AIR/SEA CRUISE! Board your flight, take no luggage, zip.

Get on the ship, buy a throw away camera, rent all clothes, buy toiletries in the Walgreens ,and when the cruise is done, return clothes for a future on board credit, to rent clothes again from the clothing store on board.

Select the ship according to your land based shopping habits:

The junk ships: Walmart
The mid-range: Macys
The high end: Nordstroms
The elites hips: Bergdorfs

Comment from Rob
Time December 29, 2010 at 7:07 pm

Very funny and actually allot is close to reality.

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