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Things Cruise Experts Eventually Come To Realize

Written by: Kuki

Those new to cruising, and even those with a few other cruises under their belts, often look to the Internet, searching through and sifting through cruise related web sites, looking for tidbits of information that they hope will make their next experience go more smoothly, and make them more enjoyable.

There is indeed a wealth of information available at no cost, from all the cruisers who happily share their reserearch; information on the ships and cabins they’ve sailed; hits and misses they’ve found on shore excursions and ports of call; and their opinions on most any topic related to cruising.

There’s also an endless supply of information from the so called “cruise experts”; journalists, present cruise line employees, ex-cruise line employees, and travel sellers, who happily share their advice and experience. Along the way I think there are certain aspects and occurances that we all eventually come to realize as “cruise truths”. I thought perhaps it was time to share some glimpses of the pearls of wisdom we all eventually see, and recognize as truth.

- Though you can, you don’t have to eat 16 lobsters at dinner

- When cruise lines call your accomodation a “suite”, as a rule they don’t mean it.

- English spoken with an accent different from your own is still English.

- With the exception of some luxury cruise lines, seeing tuxedos onboard is now almost as rare as seeing penquins.

- Cruise lines love to sell you things.

- You don’t have to buy everything that the cruise lines try to sell you.

- It is possible to eat as much as you like onboard without every spending money on a restaurant that requires extra payment.

- If you eat all your meals in the cost included restaurants onboard you have a high threshold for mediocrity.

- Having a packing list to prepare for your cruise is as useful as having a list of traits you’d like in your future spouse.

- Expecting everyone you see onboard will be “normal” – just like you, will only make life confusing.

- Epecting that everyone onboard will like you will make life even more confusing.

- The cruise lines have become more skeptical of customer complaints than your boss when you call in “too sick” to come to work.

- You can’t go on a cruise without a comedian talking about getting stuck on the toilet when flushing it.

- Port talks presented onboard are really infommercials

- “Recommended shops” in ports of call are recommended in the same way politicians recommend voting policies – they are paid for.

- The assistant bar waiters, deck hands, etc. onboard, perhaps surprisingly, don’t know everything about policy decisions being made by the cruise line. Thus they are not a good authority to rely on for possible investment decisions you’re considering in cruise line stock.

- No other passenger on a ship has paid less than the last person you talked to about the price of their cruise.

- All the rules set to regulate passenger behavior established onboard are just a menu of suggestions for passengers to sift through and determine which of the regulations they would care to apply to them.

- As the end of your cruise nears, and the ship makes its way back to the pier, your status as a “valued guest” diminishes exponentially with each foot nearer to the pier you get.

- The staff member you fell in love with didn’t get too busy and just forget to give you their email address in order to stay in touch.

- Everyone who has ever been on a cruise ship is a “cruise expert”.

- Every “cruise expert” remembers at least one trip they went on where they forgot to pack their underwear.

- A View From the Kuki Side of Cruising -

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Comments

Comment from Kenneth Eden
Time August 11, 2011 at 4:27 am

Pure hyperbole. To expect each passenger, cruise ship, cruise line and cruise experience to be as stated above to be explicit to everyone is pure folly. Not to mention, specific passengers and individual occurances on board any ship.

A massive box of salt should be taken when pondering the above.

Comment from Kuki
Time August 11, 2011 at 8:26 am

Do you think? LOL

Comment from Kenneth Eden
Time August 12, 2011 at 7:51 am

Are you a stand up or sit down commedian?

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