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Old May 3rd, 2008, 08:13 PM
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Seniors Escape Florida Asylum – Discovered on Carnival Freedom
- an on the scene report

I’ve just returned to the cabin after dinner in the Posh Dining Room. The waiters sang and danced tonight, but that wasn’t the only entertainment provided.

According to today’s Carnival Capers tonight’s scheduled entertainment was the Guest Talent Show. But I had no idea they’d be entertaining in the showroom and the dining room.

During dinner tonight, at the 3rd table over from us a man, who I’d estimate to be in his mid-70s, attacked a table-mate, also of the same “vintage”, and held a knife to his throat. It would have been more fitting perhaps, if it was a butter knife, but it was a knife from the tableware. Thankfully it didn’t appear that the man had his own teeth, so he hadn’t ordered the steak, and it was a simple table knife.

At first I imagined that since a second serving of bread is sometimes difficult to come by in the dining room, they were fighting over a dinner roll, or perhaps the attacker had lost 80 cents to the victim playing bridge or gin rummy earlier in the day.

The incident was brought under control almost immediately by a group of vigilante 90 year olds who’d organized earlier in the day (just before their naps), to help take back our decks and restaurants and hallways from the younger criminal element, who calls themselves AARP, who’ve slowly been trying to take over the ship.

They had taken to drag racing their walkers up and down the indoor Promenade Deck (too windy outside), putting other less agile passengers at risk, and continuing this activity late into the night… well past 9 PM.

Rumors abound that for security purposes the Captain is going to put a 9PM curfew in place for everyone over 65. There’s simply no controlling them!

Alright, I admit to taking literary license with the last few paragraphs, but indeed, for the first time ever on any cruise I’ve been on I saw another passenger (and he is at least in his 70s), attack another passenger, and he did indeed put a knife to his throat. And I’ll admit it wasn’t over a dinner roll. It was in fact over a woman at the table.

They were all traveling single, and one man decided his friend was trying to move in on “his woman”, and that set off the incident.

When I spoke to Dino, the Maitre d’ in the dining room, and learned the fight was over a woman, I looked over at the elderly women at the table, and I told Dino I wouldn’t even give up my dessert for any one of them, let alone fight over them.

There truly are some people on this ship who are going NUTS… or more likely they got on the ship that way. I occasionally joke about more elderly passengers on longer sailings, trying to keep it all in good-natured fun, but there’s a serious problem with some of the people on this ship.

Perhaps Carnival is going to have to think about implementing a policy, similar to their age restriction for guests under 21 who must travel with a guardian, for crazy crotchety old folks.
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