I have not read all of the individual posts but I gotta', I mean I just gotta', respond to the OP's first two posts.
1. I've heard of diggin' a hole 'ol pard'ner, but did you have to start out by using a track-hoe?
2. I grew up in Tennessee, lived for awhile off "Toid Avenue" in Brooklyn and eventually retired back to Tennessee. I love all accents and find humor in many. I'm bothered by loud people people whether they're from New York, Tennessee or Georgia just as I'm bothered by stupidity and ignorance and of those three things, I too have been guilty. I hope young man, you have more smarts than I.
3. I'm sure you're proud of your physique and work hard to retain it, but some of the people you're addressing with your original post, had just as good a one when they were your age. Therefore c'mon back in about thirty years and if you have the same physique, you'll probably be the first.
4. Nobody has ever heard an accent such as the one a good friend of ours has (and to the original poster a woman who, by the way, you would absolutely have drooled over when she was your age and might well still do today). She came to this country from France as a teen aged au pair. Long story short, she married well and educated herself quite well. And her still pronounced French accent enhanced with a southern drawl, often elicits the question, "Just where in the world are you from?" to which she answers, in all honesty because this is what she considers to be her home, "Tennessee!" The reactions of the questioners are priceless.
We'll be, in a little over two months, on our way to our cruise. I reckon' I jest cain't wait to get up yonder where that there big 'ol ship docks....... in New Joisey.