Ine - interesting about Old Town Puerto Vallarta. I have never been there. I will have to check it out next time I am there.
There is a beach 5 minutes from the ship with plenty of hotels with great restaurants and nice beah swimming. You can just walk there. That is what I usually recommend but your recommendation sounds more colorful.
I am the editor, but I also speculate, ask questions and play devil's advocate. I reserve the right to change my mind.