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Old March 8th, 2011, 03:22 PM
ToddDH ToddDH is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Greeneville, Tennessee
Posts: 4,523

Good Afternoon everyone,

I started this post this morning when I got a call I had to get up and get an INR (which is a blood test to determine viscosity (too thin or too thick). While I was out I had errands to run and got them done as well so I wouldn't have to go back out and waste gas.

Right off the bat Laura, I am so sorry for your loss. When I was very young my parents were friends with a couple with two mentally challenged daughters, the elder of which was severe. When my Aunt died she left a small bequest to the elder sister because she had been the child's Godmother (she was a great friend of the mother's as well). In the search for her (by then both parents had died) we discovered the elder daughter had tragically died as a result of a choking incident on a piece of food.

The Mother (her father had died decades before) had made arrangements that the younger daughter (Darby) was well attended. She lived alone in her mother's condominium and had daily checks and assistance from a care giver overseen by an excellent and caring attorney who had custodial powers and who managed the considerable finances Darby interited. She was a year or so younger than I and she not only remembered but was thrilled to hear from us. Fran and I established a close long distance phone relationship for two years with her. Fran and I, in effect, became her "family" by proxy. One very hot Friday morning her central air broke down and the care giver made arrangements to have it fixed, as her care giver was off that weekend. The guy never showed so on Sunday she called me because she said she was unbearably hot. I knew there had to be someone from the organization that provided her care giver that she could call but she couldn't remember and couldn't even find the number of the organization (which of course was there somewere). She had tried her own caregiver but she had gone out of town for the weekend and I could tell by Darby's voice that she was panicky. I suggested she call her "guardian" to whom she had 24/7 access when at all possible. The attorney was great and had the problem repaired within three and a half hours when she called me back and told me what had occurred. This attorney was unbelievably committed regardess of whatever financial arrangements had been made to pay him which, I'm sure, involved a considerable sum.

We talked many times after that and she was so proud she told me that she finally, had graduated from high school! She also worked in the bakery department of a local Kroger store. Darby knew and understood her disability and used to talk about it all the time. As a result she was fully cognizant of her limitations. She even had a long time boyfriend who was also in the same condition but who still lived with his parents who were still alive. She had had some surgeries (female related) but nothing drastic and they had been a couple of years previously and she wanted to come down and visit us. She could even travel on her own provided there was someone at either end. Fran was initially apprehensive, not because of Darby's condition as much as what to do if a problem arose. We figured we'd get info long before she came and I was going to call her Christmas Eve (it was then mid November) and tell her that for her Christmas present, we wanted her to come and we would help make arrangements with her care giver organization.

Literally three days later I received an envelope with my name completely misspelled but the address correct and it was from an attorney. It turned out to be her guardian. We were absolutely stunned. Darby was dead "of natural causes"! Her guardian had found our name and address somewhere among her things, didn't know who we were but had the common sense to understand we somehow knew the family (it could have been a result of long distance calls from her because he handled all financial affairs). We both were terribly heart broken especially as the relationship, long distance though it had been, had become firmly cemented.

He wrote that per her Mother's will, once Darby passed, all financial assets were to be distributed among several charities and even listed them. This was information he really didn't have to provide but somehow figured that would have been a question (which in fact it would have but of course been a topic that we would never pursue because it was none of our business). I wrote back, thanked him so very much for his many years of service to Darby and explained the relationship Only shortly thereafter, did I discover that those with Downe's Syndrome often do not live much into their fifties, which answered some major questions we had (by that I don't mean suspicious ones, but why she died so young).

So suffice it to say, Laura, that I do so feel and understand your loss and you have, of course, my deepest condolences.

Moiraine, you are TRULY a "Queen," and not just of Oakville!

Beenie Weenie, I always arisen around five or even before prior to Fran's death. Now my sleep patters are so screwed up I insure I receive at least TWO phone calls in order to meet early morning appointments! I put everything on a calendar which I religiously try and check daily so I don't miss any.........uhhhhhhhhhhhh, if I remember to check the calendar!

Prayers and Blessings continue and I hope everyone has, if not a celebratory, at least a really good Tuesday! I'd celebrate except that my newest medication can have such severe consequences if one drinks alcohol while on the medication! For me not to do that, it has to be REALLY bad side effects.


Last edited by ToddDH; March 8th, 2011 at 03:29 PM.
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