Also taken from SHIP HAPPENS by M J Kikker:
WAYS TO RELIEVE STRESS WHILE WAITING FOR YOUR NEXT CRUISE:
1. When someone says, “Have a nice day!”, tell them you have other plans
2. Drive to work in reverse
3. Write a short story using Alphabet Soup
4. Make up a language and ask people for directions
5. Go grocery shopping. Sneak items no one would usually buy into other’s people’s carts
6. Dance naked in front of your pets
7. If you have a toddler, dress him/her in clothes backwards before sending them off to pre-school or day care
8. Call up your local pizza place, ask for toppings they won’t possibly have (elephant ear, chocolate covered grasshoppers, zebra stripes). See how many you can ask for before they hang up on you.
9. Buy one of those horsey things on a stick and run around your neighborhood shouting, “THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!”
10. Buy an inflatable boat, have dinner in it on your front lawn, and tell neighbors you're practicing for your cruise.