Here's the deal, Norm:
I categorize "crime" into two groups: those with victims and victimless ones. If you fail to adhere to the dress code there are victims, namely those who did dress and who resent your being out of place in their presence. I recognize this, and I dress appropriately. I also enjoy the atmosphere.
If, on the other hand, you blow off an invitation from the Captain, there are no victims. The Captain (or the SoHo or whomever) will find somebody else to put at the Captain's table, or at the cocktail party, or wherever. Besides, it's a well known axiom that Captains hate the social aspects of their job and would just as soon you left them alone anyway. I'm glad to oblige.
I'm sure that you're correct that once upon a time sombody wrote on a piece of foolscap somewhere that you're not allowed to say no to the Captain. Those days are gone and they're not coming back.
I say we should aim at more realistic and meaningful targets like keeping jeans out of the dining room on formal night.