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Old April 19th, 2002, 07:08 AM
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Default Future Ship Names

The way ship naming is going for Carnival.... we'll soon see
The Carnival Domination followed by sister ships
Carnival Decimation & Carnival Destruction, with an option on
Carnival Overkill, Carnival Overwhelm and possibly
Carnival Blowout, Carnival Vanquish, Carnival Elimination
& Carnival Juggernaut
I think the Carnival Crush sounds kinda cool. With sisters
Carnival Bash and Carnival Smash. Even dangerously cool. Build them with a ram-bow.

Fantasy Class: future sisters to MV Ecstasy & MV Elation
MV Schmooze, MV Seduction, MV Titillation, MV Bliss, MV Nirvana & MV Orgasm

Pride Class: future sisters to Pride & Spirit
Vanity, Compulsion, Obsession and ultimately Guilt (or Gilt)

Following on the success of the Smoke-Free Paradise, we get targeted offerings such as: The Carnival Queen (Gays & Lesbians only), The Carnival Exposure (first all-nude cruise liner), the Carnival Wagon (for friends of Bill W., just don't fall off the wagon) and the Carnival Cruiser (singles only).

Celebrity ... After Summit and Apex
Stratosphere, Toposphere, and Ionosphere, followed by
Eclipse (wanna bet this one's for real?), Comet, Outer Limit, Spatial, Stellar, Pulsar, Galactic and finally Cosmic
Where does a black hole fit into all of this?

Disney - I'd love to sail on any ship called Mickey Mouse, or Goofy for that matter. Piloted by Captains Nemo and Hook, respectively. The Maitre D' s name is Lumière. The first officer's name is Donald, and he's very jealous that no ships are named after him. This line becomes the favourite of a certain single-gloved celebrity (who shall remain name-less), due to the plentitude of young boys sailing onboard.

RCI - Exploitation of the Seas springs to mind. Also Perturbation of the Seas, Disruption of the Seas and eventually Plunderer of the Seas. Personally, after the dumping incident, I like Latrine of the Seas. It has a pipe that bypasses all sewage treatment equipment. New Mega-Ships due to launch soon: Humongous of the Seas, Colossus of the Seas, Monstrosity of the Seas and Overkill of the Seas. Shipboard features include bungee jumping from the smokestack, a subway mass-transit system, horseback riding, motocross, a wave pool (originally installed across the deck, but had to be re-oriented front-to-rear because the large waves generated almost caused the ship to roll over), a petting zoo, skateboard half-pipe, and the very first (and last) glass-bottom cruise ship. Royal Caribbean is proud to be the first to incorporate a full-size Wal-Mart retail outlet (with mini-McDonald's counter) on their newest ships (but the auto center is a miserable failure... who knew?). RCI then creates the first moveable private island, actually a huge barge that moves to the most economically feasible strategic location, and avoids hurricanes. Yacht parking is available here.

HAL - How about the Hooverdam? Personally, I think we should petition them to rename all their ships more politely. Like Noordarn, Volendarn, Maasdarn and the like. Or Noordang, Volendang and Maasdang.

Costa - The Costa Nocomprenda, The Costa Toomanylingua, The Costa Wassamattayoua and Costa Fahgettabouta. Their latest promotional gimmick is to make you an offer you can't refuse.

Princess- The Tanzanite Princess is a very cruise-pertinent name. Also Swarovsky Princess, Gucci Princess and -the ultimate- Tiffany Princess (slogan: "At least you can afford to dream..."). Endorsement possibilities abound for corporate name positioning. Why not sell out completely, and name one the IBM Princess, or Microsoft Princess for that matter? Soon we'll be going to see a show in the Delta Airlines Theatre, then later relax and dance a bit in the Coca-Cola Lounge. Next is a food court for sure, complete with KFC, Subway and maybe a Sbarro for that international look.

Deck chairs will have advertisements printed on them, and be rented by the hour.
10 minutes of commercials will preceed the show every night.
There will be a Pepsi logo printed on the bottom of the pool,
And we'll be served Dole Bananas, Campbell's Soup and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

Mark my words, I am the Nostradamus of Cruises-Yet-To-Come....
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