It's really hard for servers/tipped employees to cheat the IRS, they have a system now that all must adhere to. It is a percentage of total sales. That amount is taken out of their $2.13 an hour pay. So sometimes if a server waits on someone like you they just might end up paying to serve you.
What's with your attitude about going out and getting a better paying job, some people don't have the education to 'just go get a better paying job'.
I really don't want to stereo type but I am going to guess that you are very picky, very demanding, allow your kids to mess up the floor, leave all kinds of trash for the 'help' to clean up, send food back, ask for tons of refills and you're more likely to complain to the management to justify your no tipping attitude.
Do you ever go to the same restaurant twice? You might want to consider that the servers can and just might do something to your food. Servers NEVER forget people that STIFF.
I would like to suggest counseling, you need to work on your resentments, just because you don't get paid or thanked for your job doesn't mean others shouldn't.
Another thing, there is this old expression and I think you might want to consider it as well, " When in Rome do as the Roman's do".