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  #31 (permalink)  
Old March 31st, 2005, 07:53 AM
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Default Re: Surprise cruise for hubby gone sour

Sounds like maybe your husband needs to go for grief counseling. I hope he does, because it certainly sounds as if his anger is incorrectly directed towards you. Or maybe someone he respects (a relative or co-worker) can speak to him.

It's going to take some time, but please don't feel the guilt he is trying to bestow upon you. And thanks for the update...I hope you continue to let us know how you are doing...

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  #32 (permalink)  
Old April 1st, 2005, 09:56 AM
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Default Re: Re: Surprise cruise for hubby gone sour

I also want to express our simpatico from CruiseMates staff for what has happened to you. As a man, I believe your husband will understand someday that you heart was in the right place and stop blaming you for events that were fully out of your control. He is grieving and he needs time to sort out his feelings.

Boy oh boy. What an ordeal for you to endure. The pressure of all the travel mishaps ALONE would have broken a lot of people down, but to add the tragedy of his sister on top of it all just makes you wonder what God has in mind for us sometimes.

As Eric Clapton said after his son died - the one thing he gained was acceptance of the knowledge that as humans we will never be able to fully understand the nature of God's will, but we just have to trust that he loves us and has reasons beyond our comprehension.

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  #33 (permalink)  
Old April 1st, 2005, 11:26 AM
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Default Re: Surprise cruise for hubby gone sour

So sorry to hear about your trip!! I agree with Thomas-things happen that you have no control over. I hope your husband will 'calm down' eventually and will go on a trip with you & the kids eventually. It will take him some time to grieve and maybe he will need some counselling after all.
I think that was the nicest thing to do-plan a surprise cruise!!

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  #34 (permalink)  
Old April 1st, 2005, 11:41 AM
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Default Re: Surprise cruise for hubby gone sour

I'm glad to hear you will sail again. Please give it time and know that your husband will get past this stage and get back to normal. I can't imagine him actually adhering to the statement that he will never travel with you again. That was just said in the heat of the moment. I doubt he would spend the rest of his life with you and not ever plan on travellng with you.

Hang in there. Time heals all wounds.

Regards,
Thomas
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  #35 (permalink)  
Old April 1st, 2005, 11:50 AM
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Default Re: Surprise cruise for hubby gone sour

So sorry to hear about your added grief. I know what you are going through as my DH and I had similar problems when his dad died 12 years ago. Please believe me when I say time heals all. I believe our marriage became stronger after this happened. Be there for him if he wants you to and even if he doesn't. People say hurtful things when they are upset and distraught. (I was told I was heartless) Please be strong and have faith that you will get through this. In time he will heal. All people grieve differently and we need to allow them to grieve in their own way no matter what that grieving process is.

I agree with David W that maybe going to Puerto Rico would be good therapy for your DH and you.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your DH for a peaceful healing. God bless you both.

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  #36 (permalink)  
Old April 2nd, 2005, 02:45 AM
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Default Re: Surprise cruise for hubby gone sour

It is understandable that your dh needs to lash out at someone - and you happen to be it. Try not to take it too personally. It will get better. Give him a little time to get over his shock. He will see one day soon what you tried so hard to do for him. As my Granny used to say - keep your chin up - and take care of yourself. He needs you right now even if he doesn't know it. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Good luck to you - ttfn Jennifer
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  #37 (permalink)  
Old April 2nd, 2005, 08:35 AM
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Default Re: Surprise cruise for hubby gone sour

My hubby was finally able to talk to me in a civil manner. He asked for my forgiveness for all the horrible things he said to me, and of course, I've forgiven him from the first spiteful word out of his mouth.

He told me that he loves me and he never meant to hurt me, it was just the fact that he was trying to fly out to Puerto Rico, and felt so helpless because there were no seats available on any of the flights leaving that day.

The human mind is so complicated, only God understands it. I was sure that if I told him about his sister's death after we got back home, he would be extremely irate for me not telling him sooner. I had absolutely no one to guide me on this one, and at that moment I felt God was standing at the side with his arms crossed just watching, and waiting to see what I would do. My husband told me that I should've told him when we got home from our vacation...go figure. I can't win for losing.

My husband loved the cruising experience. He couldn't believe that he was on a moving vessel, what with all the stores, lounges, swimming pool. He was really dazzled by it all. I ordered room service for him, and he loved his shrimp salad sandwich. I mean, this guy was licking his fingers and raving about how delicious it was.

I had booked the Mayan ruins excursion because I know how much he enjoys learning about ruins, pyramids, and such. He was in heaven as he walked through the Mayan ruins.

Thanks for all of your kind words. My husband came around, and yes, he will be going to Puerto Rico soon to visit his mother.
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  #38 (permalink)  
Old April 2nd, 2005, 10:55 AM
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Default Re: Surprise cruise for hubby gone sour

What a great answer to prayer! You did the best you knew how. It can only get better now. After he visits his mom and gets his own feelings in order, plan the next cruise TOGETHER! Let him be a big part in the next one and he will have a fantastic time. Maybe even entertain the thought of cruising out of Puerto Rico and having his mom cruise with you...in her own cabin of course!! My husband and I have so much fun looking at all the ships and ports available. We still have 4 weeks to go and he is like a little kid on Christmas Eve! He can't stop talking about what he wants to do and see!

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  #39 (permalink)  
Old April 2nd, 2005, 11:31 AM
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Default Re: Surprise cruise for hubby gone sour

Thanks for the good news update. Hopefully after awhile when some of the pain has subsided, you can both plan a more wonderful cruise or some sort of vacation...

Now here's a question for everyone.........would you want to know on your vacation if someone close to you passed away? We told our kids not to tell us if any of our pets passed away until we got home (which unfortunately ended up happening during our last cruise!), but I'd be really pressed not to know about a family member.

How does everyone feel about this?

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  #40 (permalink)  
Old April 2nd, 2005, 02:34 PM
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Default Re: Surprise cruise for hubby gone sour

My dear friend (the one who took care of our kids while we were away) told me that the only mistake I made was paying on board to have internet access. She told me that it was a four night cruise, and my kids and the house were okay, and that there wasn't any real reason for me to email anybody. We could've enjoyed our trip and grieved later, not during.

Like I said before, I can't win for losing.
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  #41 (permalink)  
Old April 2nd, 2005, 04:45 PM
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Default Re: Surprise cruise for hubby gone sour

While cruising in March of 2003, my husband's grandfather died. He was in his 90's and it was not a surprise. My wonderful in-law's opted NOT to get in touch with us. They decided our one family vacation of the year with all four of us should go on as planned. Although my husband is still upset about the timing, he felt his parents made the right decision by not calling. There was nothing we could do at that point, and everyone understood why we weren't at the funeral. Even if we weren't cruising it would have been some work with us living in Florida and the funeral in Chicago.
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  #42 (permalink)  
Old April 2nd, 2005, 06:50 PM
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Default Re: Surprise cruise for hubby gone sour

I am sorry for your loss and am grateful your husband has come around. As others have said, he was grieving and lashed out at the one he loves which is really quite common. We lost my mother the third day out on an 11 day cruise to Tahiti a few years back and my oldest son did not send the information to us until we were back in the USA on the way home. We really appreciated this as we could not have gotten back but maybe 24 hours earlier and lost four or five days of the most beautiful cruise we ever had. There was nothing we could have done and he did right by putting everything on hold until our return.
Jim

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  #43 (permalink)  
Old April 2nd, 2005, 07:30 PM
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Default Re: Surprise cruise for hubby gone sour

getsemani ,
That is so good to hear ! Glad to hear everything is getting back to normal !


Jean S,
To answer your question, No I wouldn't ! It would worry my wife to death ! She would somehow figure away to get back home asap, leaving everything behind if need be.

Happy sailing to all;
david
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  #44 (permalink)  
Old April 4th, 2005, 09:08 PM
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Default Re: Surprise cruise for hubby gone sour

I know how excited you were about this one and am very sorry that things went the way they did. I am glad you are going to PR it will be good for both of you.

I'll be thinking of you
haley

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  #45 (permalink)  
Old April 6th, 2005, 04:27 PM
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Default Re: Surprise cruise for hubby gone sour

Hello getsemani:

My thoughs and prayers go out to you.

Things are meant to be for a reason. What that reason is, God only knows. You did the best you could with what you had. You can't blame yourself. You can only control what you can control and what you can't control. Easy to say. Very hard to do.

I'm glad that things are getting back to even keel for you and your husband. I concur with CA Cruiser.

God Speed.

Hondo
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  #46 (permalink)  
Old April 6th, 2005, 09:27 PM
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Would you want to know if a family member got ill or died while you were away? Here's what happened to me: In 1999 I finally got to do what I'd dreamt about my whole life - see The Pyramids. While I was en route to Egypt, my mother fell & broke her hip. She lives alone in an apartment, & she lay on the floor for 6 hours until someone finally heard her calling for help. When my sister came to the hospital from out of town, my mother made her promise not to try to contact me. So when I got home the following week, there was a message from my sister on my answering machine, asking me to call her as soon as I got in. That's how I found out.

I had mixed feelings at first, but I came to realize that it was better for me to complete my vacation than to cut it short.

PS - Egypt was fantastic - better than I had imagined. I'm hoping to go back next year.

PPS - I'm glad things are starting to go better for getsemani & her hubby!
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  #47 (permalink)  
Old April 7th, 2005, 10:38 PM
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Default Re: Surprise cruise for hubby gone sour

Things are getting back to normal, thank God.

I'm just surprised that my husband told me I should've waited for us to get home before I told him about his sister's death. I had thought about that, but I thought he would be angry at me for withholding the news from him.

Like I said before...the human mind is a very complicated thing only God understands.

Thanks again for all of your kind words.
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  #48 (permalink)  
Old April 8th, 2005, 05:20 AM
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Default Re: Re: Surprise cruise for hubby gone sour

Dear Getsemani,

I read your post and was very touched by the emotion of it all. I did some thinking and it seemed very much to me that obstacles were constantly being put in your way to try and stop you going on the cruise.

I don't know how you feel about fate and the unknown but maye somebody up there was trying not to get you there so that you would be home when your SIL passed on.

Who knows, just seems so wierd that you had to overcome so much to get to your cruise to then have that happen but as everyone says, come what may it would have happened.

I myself do believe in fat and what will be, will be. Last December when I was on the Victory doing the Eastern Caribbean (I live in the U.K.) one evening when I was in the bathroom, I saw my Grandmother staring back at me in the mirror and mentioned it to my husband. He laughed it off and said you have one too many! That was late on Thursday, 2nd December (I remember it well).

When I called home on the following Monday (from Florida where we were spending another week post cruise) my Mother sounded fine but I could tell my Son seemed a little distant - I didn't push it as I was so far away but something was nagging at me.

Eventually the next day, I called home again and my Son confided to me that my Grandmother had passed away in the early hours of Friday 3rd December. With the time difference that would have made it late p.m. (circa 23.30) on Thursday 2nd when I saw her staring back at me.

My Grandmother was 102 and she and I were very, very close. I was her first grandchild and her only granddaughter. She had 15 grandsons!.

I felt terible inside as I felt she had been calling out to me. My Mother had made the decision not to upset me and ruin my holiday as she felt I was too far away to do anything.

Anyway, we managed to get back for her funeral - flew the redeye from Miami to Heathrow and then flew straignt up North (she lived in Chester) to attend the funeral.

It taught me that these things will happen and you cannot spend your life not doing things or travelling because you are scared of what might happen.

Fate is fate, I beleive my grandmother called out to me and I believe your SIL was maye trying to get a message through to you and your husband that her time was nearing.
It is a compliment as it shows that you both meant alot to her and she was trying to communicate.

I am glad that things are settling down for you and I am sure in time your husband will understand your reasons. My mother felt it was best to not tell me and I was angry at first but in the end realised that there was not really anything I could do being across the Atlantic but I know that in our own way, my Grandmother and I said our goodbyes via that bathroom mirror on the Victory.

Take care of each other

KG
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  #49 (permalink)  
Old July 4th, 2009, 10:55 AM
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Wow. I can't believe it's been 4 years since this happened. My husband's been true to his word. He has never gone cruising again.
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  #50 (permalink)  
Old July 4th, 2009, 11:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by getsemani1
Wow. I can't believe it's been 4 years since this happened. My husband's been true to his word. He has never gone cruising again.
Wow indeed. I was reading this as a new post, not noticing the original date.

That's a long time to hold a grudge, especially one where it's not warranted. I hope you have continued to cruise, or vacation, without him, and let go of the guilt you have felt over what happened.

You have my best wishes.
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Old July 4th, 2009, 11:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by getsemani1
Wow. I can't believe it's been 4 years since this happened. My husband's been true to his word. He has never gone cruising again.
Sadly he now assiocates cruising with the painful loss of a love one. Subconsciously he may think if he cruises again someone else will die. Even if that doesn't seem logical it doesn't matter because emotion isn't always logical. I'm sorry that your surprise cruise ended this way. He was probably stressed out and you thought the cruise would relax him.
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Old July 4th, 2009, 12:46 PM
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glad to hear he wised up and apologized. That was a horrible way to treat you.
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Old July 4th, 2009, 02:25 PM
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I hope your next trip will go more smoothly.

best wishes.
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  #54 (permalink)  
Old July 4th, 2009, 02:33 PM
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Actually, we're doing very well. He just doesn't like cruising and I've never pressed the issue. I respect him and his decisions and he respects mine. It doesn't bother him that I go on trips with the kids.

I had worked hard and diligently when organizing that trip, everybody knew except him. Believe me, it took everything I had not to let the cat out of the bag and it worked...kinda. But, before then, I had suprised him with a trip to Niagara Falls back in '03. We went without the kids and had a great time.

At one point, I was the queen of surprise trips, but not anymore.
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Old July 4th, 2009, 03:31 PM
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Im so sorry i cant believe that much can go wrong god bless you
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