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View Poll Results: Should I cancel the cruise?
NO 38 74.51%
YES 1 1.96%
Do all I can to change her mind? 12 23.53%
Voters: 51. You may not vote on this poll

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  #31 (permalink)  
Old March 1st, 2006, 07:56 PM
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Hi Fern,

I understand what you're saying, she indeed paid for own tickets, but I paid for the trip. I paid for everything with my credit card because at the time she didn't have the money. I booked and paid for everything a few months back. Ironically she just gave me money for her tickets two weeks ago.

Our relationship is complicated because of the history, but no complicated that I'm ready to give up.

I explained to her that if she decided not to go she would indeed be making a financial decision that would be irresponsible.

Talks resumed around 4pm and she has once again decided that she wants to go. Stay tuned for details.

FYI... I plan on having a great time on the cruise regardless of how she feels but I sincerely want her to have a great time too.
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  #32 (permalink)  
Old March 1st, 2006, 09:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EMG
Her explanation for partying is that she knows no other way to be happy. (If anyone is interested in what excessive partying means, you can PM me.)
I don't know what excessive partying is to her, but if it is the only thing that makes her happy, then you have bigger problems than you think....

Have your brother pay her for her portion of the cruise and go with you.

A cruise will just increase her "excess partying" since she already does. I would seriously, seriously think about this. It won't get any better just because you have a change of scenery. Think about your costs and do you want to take the chance on having a horrible time with her partying or a great time with your brother?

Keep in mind that none of us know all the details and we are only making suggestions based on what you have told us, but make sure you put your happiness first, and if that means taking her, then take her...
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  #33 (permalink)  
Old March 1st, 2006, 11:11 PM
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Wow I feel for you indeed Since she said she's still going, but has to move out first, thats put a whole new spin on things. Sounds like to me,she's going to move out regardless, and its about to end. And if she does go on the cruise,she will probadly keep her distance from you. In other words, act like your not even there. :evil: And when you do return home, she'll probadly say its over, and good bye. And thats what a cruise vacation is NOT all about

I would give her back her cost of her airline and cruise tickets.If she's dead set on moving out, she's going to need the cash. If, this is the new life or road, she's going to take, wish her well . Since they where purchased under your name, and you bought them, you can do that. Change the name on the tickets, and let your brother buy her share . Then you and your brother go on the cruise, and have the time of your life.

Since she's going to move out before the cruise, she should have everything out before you leave. Have the locks changed, and go on your cruise. Come back home with a whole new out-look on life.

This may sound cruel, and mean, but IF its over, well then its over. Life is to short to live in hell I learned a long time ago, you can't work in it, and then go home to it. You've got to have some peace somewhere.

I will tell you that marriage is a wonderful thing, and a true blessing If you have the right soulmate. I'm working on 28 yrs myself .

Hoping all the best for you ;
Happy cruising ;
David
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  #34 (permalink)  
Old March 2nd, 2006, 12:05 AM
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the tickets are in your name, so change them. get the cash from your brother, give it to her, and make her sign a receipt for it. then change them and go have a great time! sounds like you could use it.

-lisa
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  #35 (permalink)  
Old March 2nd, 2006, 12:49 PM
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Congratualations!!!!!!!!!!!! Go by yourself and have an awesome time. There will be plenty of singles onboard to help you forget about the biotch. Before you go............ get her out, change the locks and hide your cars. They can be evil. Let the neighbors know so they can watch your house against vindictive vandalism.
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  #36 (permalink)  
Old March 2nd, 2006, 01:26 PM
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Dave, I was wondering when you were going to provide your expertise on this topic (VBG)..Is this what Brittany did after you broke up with her ?
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  #37 (permalink)  
Old March 2nd, 2006, 03:19 PM
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EMG: I feel like I am watching an episode of "As the Ship Cruises", . If your girl cannot be happy without excessive partying, then good riddance to her. I know, I had a bf like that a long time ago and it doesn't get any better, just worse. Finally dumped him for the man I married. We still like to party, but it is not a focus in our lives (kids, house, jobs, bills, life). Go on the cruise! Alone if you have to. If you tell your tale to just one person, I bet that person will go out of their way to make sure you have a good time. I know I would.
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  #38 (permalink)  
Old March 2nd, 2006, 05:33 PM
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Episode 3

She say's shes going, she says she not.. then she's going again! WTF! I'm starting to pack tomorrow and am focused on going alone. If she goes, great, if not, her loss.

I told my brother that when I called Carnival they told me I had to change the name like right now, or there could be a problem with homeland security approving the name change. I also learned that the airline ticket would have to be re-purchased and the name couldn't be changed on it, meaning about a $200 increase in the airfare and a $100 cancellation fee of the old ticket for a total loss of about $300 for the flight.

In my head, with the partying aside, I think she's confused, not ever really being in love before, or in a relationship this long, she doesn't understand how to handle her feelings. The "man" in me feels like Dave the Wave, but the "lover" in me feels differently.

On my way to the gym last night and she was coming in the door, we exchanged greetings, she went up stairs, then came back down stairs (something she hadn't done since Sunday) and laid on the couch. I told her I was going to the gym and that I would see her later, she responded with, I'll be here. I got down the garage and then decided that since she was downstairs, this may be the perfect opportunity to try and smooth things over just a little bit more, (Tuesday, we actually talked for a couple hours). So I sat down on the sofa and put her head in my lap and rubbed her hair, face, back, and neck. We talked, and laughed about what we were watching on television (America's Next Top Model), but didn't chat about anything else. For those of you who might be wondering; America's Next Top Model!!!! I'm a glamour photographer in the Philly area (EMG STUDIOS), google will get you to my photography website if you put in that name, and I like to see what the very successful people are doing, so we watch.

We'll see what tonight brings. There is still 4 nights to make things right before the cruise and I feel that even if they aren't 100% right, they will be right enough for us to have fun if she decides to go.

Someone mentioned that after the cruise she would pack up and go. I'm expecting that, so it wouldn't be a big surprise. As I mentioned previously, I'm not going to try and keep her from leaving because that still doesn't fix the underlying issues.

On the other hand there are only 4 days left and I'm prepared either way for this trip, whether it be solo, or with the woman I love.
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  #39 (permalink)  
Old March 2nd, 2006, 05:41 PM
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EMG...run as fast as you can to the plane with your brother (a couple hundred dollars is a small price to pay)...I know from experience when you are in the middle of the "emotions" you can't see straight and folks who are not involved can see clearly..
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  #40 (permalink)  
Old March 2nd, 2006, 05:45 PM
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EMG, as this story continues to unfold I have to remind you that if she does go, stay away from the balcony!
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  #41 (permalink)  
Old March 2nd, 2006, 05:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reverendjeff
EMG, as this story continues to unfold I have to remind you that if she does go, stay away from the balcony!
There will be George Smith going on with me next week..
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  #42 (permalink)  
Old March 2nd, 2006, 07:08 PM
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Which ever route you take, I really wish you the best of luck and happiness, on the cruise and after


Happy Cruising;
David
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  #43 (permalink)  
Old March 2nd, 2006, 08:10 PM
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Maybe it's time to analyze the "lesser of two...er..three....evils" argument.

As I understand it, your choices are:
1)Go and she ends up coming too only after moving out first,
2)Go and she does not end up going and moves out while you are gone, or
3)Stay and she moves out and neither of you go on the cruise

It sounded like she was going to move out whether she goes or not so that is common in all of your choices so that can be put asside for now. Now you have

1)Go and she comes with, 2)Go and she doesn't come with, and 3)Stay and no one goes on the cruise

Of these 3 choices, numbers 1 and 2 have you going in common so the only thing left from those choices is if she comes or goes. So now you have:

1)She comes along, 2)She doesn't come along, and 3)No one goes

Since you can't control what anyone but yourself does, you have to think of it for a moment as if she doesn't exsist. That puts your choices down to 2: 1)You go or 2)You stay.

Both probably, as any difficult choice, have pros and cons to each. You have to think which would be best for YOU and let her choose for herself if she'll come or not. From what I've read, it seems she's moving out either way and that things are not on the best grounds. Staying or going won't change that.Thus, it seems the lesser of two evils is that you go on the cruise, let her choose what she'll do and deal with whatever choice she makes, and have a great time.

Keep in mind I realize these two choices are both much more involved than I state them. I know emotions are going nuts right now, but a decision made is one less thing to feel ambigious about, leaving more mental capacity for other things. This is just one way you could think about the descision. I wish you the best.

Your thoughts?
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  #44 (permalink)  
Old March 2nd, 2006, 08:20 PM
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EMG, a clergy friend of mine knows someone who has worked as a chaplain onboard a cruise ship. Aside from doing weddings and Sunday services on board, they often help with relationship meltdowns, especially loud ones. Thirdhand information is that most ships have an emergency cabin for one of the people to move to. An option to think about if she does decide to go and all hell breaks loose.
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Old March 11th, 2006, 03:16 PM
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so what happenbed ????
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  #46 (permalink)  
Old March 11th, 2006, 03:40 PM
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Yes, We want to know all the details. It is like a soap opera.

International Enquiring Seagoing Minds!!

I hope that everything went smoothsailing, and that you have enjoyed your trip.
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