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View Poll Results: Should I cancel the cruise?
NO 38 74.51%
YES 1 1.96%
Do all I can to change her mind? 12 23.53%
Voters: 51. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old February 28th, 2006, 03:00 PM
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Default Separated a week before cruise!!! ???

Me and my long time (ex)? girlfriend, we're actually engaged; are supposed to cruise on March 6th, western carribbean. Thing is; we had the biggest fight of our 5+ year relationship this past Saturday and now she's ready to move out and end the relationship.

(Short History of our relationship in this paragraph)
We've been having problems off and on for a while but I will assume that I said some things this time that have really rattled her cage, but I said nothing that wasn't true. I think what I said was too much for her to hear and instead of taking my advice and helping herself, she'd rather leave and not deal with the problem.
(History Done)

Well we've had our tickets for I guess the last 6 weeks, but since the arguement, she's refusing to go on the cruise and wanted me to cancel it. I refused to cancel the cruise and said that if she didn't go I would go by myself, NOT REALLY SOMETHING I WANT TO DO. But in all honesty I don't see her budging over the next 5 days, because even though we live in the same house she will barely talk to me.

I have tried to turn it around and tell her that it could be a break up cruise, since I've never broken up with a girl on good terms, lets try it! At least we'll have fun for a week and then deal with the other issues after the cruise. She says she can't go because now she has to save up for an apartment and car since she's leaving. (She lives in my house and drives one of my cars right now.) I offered to treat, but no response. I'm actually trying to save the relationship between the woman that I love and me, but it may be too late.

I'm worried that if I have to sail alone, I will be miserable because of the circumstances. I know this isn't a relationship advice board but any advice would be helpful on how I can salvage what seems to be a very long, sad, and depressing week on the water.

I sent roses today, supposed to be delivered at 2pm.

I understand that there are many professional and knowledgeable people on these boards so; if anyone is a counselor of any sort, except of the veterinary sort, please PM me, I promise to not take up too much of your time.

Thanks
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Old February 28th, 2006, 03:23 PM
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I would go anyway. Who knows you may meet someone else cruising by themselves and end up having a great time. Stranger things have happened. Just remember when one door closes another one opens.
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Old February 28th, 2006, 03:38 PM
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That's a good way to look at it, but what a bummer!
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Old February 28th, 2006, 03:42 PM
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EMG...

Wow....sorry to hear that kind of news. But like darcy mentioned, you never know what can happen when you least expect it. I wouldn't cancel the cruise, I would try to encourage you to make the most of the trip and maybe your girl will calm down in a few days and you both can have a wonderful trip together. If she declines the cruise then have a great time with others aboard the ship. Plenty of good times will come my friend. Think positive and keep your head up

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Old February 28th, 2006, 03:48 PM
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I'm sorry to here this. If your spending this much money, you should have a good time. It sounds like your situation can not be resolved before the time you leave. Two very unhappy people in tight quarters pretending to have a good time is not what cruises are about. If it can't be resolved then go on the cruise and take a friend with you. Or take it on your own and join the crowds. Sounds like you need this break.
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Old February 28th, 2006, 04:02 PM
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I've actually been in your exact situation..I went on the cruise and am glad I did..suggest you do the same, if for nothing else, it gies you the opportunity to put some distance between the two of you to think about stuff.if you don't go, you will be doubly upset first at your situation and then the lost money...you do have trip insurance correct ?
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Old February 28th, 2006, 04:07 PM
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I do have ship insurance but I'm sure "jilted lover" is probably not covered. lol.. I am trying to change my point of view about going the trip alone and I guess by tomorrow I'll fully come to grips with the situation and ask to be seated at a singles table and try to get all the information I can about the singles activities that may be going on, onboard.
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Old February 28th, 2006, 06:05 PM
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hmmm.. Tough one...

My opinion:
1) Try and convince her that the trip will be good for you both, you will either get over your problems, and start fresh... Or... you will be able to walk away friends, knowing that you didnt just give up on what could be the love of your life.

2) Take a friend and go ( if you can sub) and enjoy life, and think about it she is worth fighting for. You will come to a conclusion easier if you have time to weight pros/cons.

Being the sappy romantic that I am I would love to hear that you have tried option #1. Sure fights get nasty, but why not give it one last try. At the very worst... those ships are so big if you wnat to enjoy them seperately you could.

Good Luck!
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Old February 28th, 2006, 06:11 PM
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read the small print of your trip insurance (VBG), I'm sure it covers broken hearts (yea right)...I think you are turning the corner about your attitude regarding the cruise...you will have a good time if you go onboard with an open mind and heart...if nothing else, you get a week's worth of great food, rest and vacation

And who knows, there might be a group of 400-500 single women looking to have a good time and every male onboard will be married or with their girlfriend and you will be the hit of the cruise..also mention to the cruise director that you are looking to meet nice people and I'm sure you'll get some assistance in the right direction

take plenty of pictures and don't be down on yourself..opportunity presents itself when you least expect it..hint..make sure to take the picture by yourself when you first come on board...that's one of the first places that other singles look for potential candidates
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Old February 28th, 2006, 06:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by venice
make sure to take the picture by yourself when you first come on board...that's one of the first places that other singles look for potential candidates

If I do end up going by myself this is great idea!!!
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Old February 28th, 2006, 06:44 PM
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Default Re: Separated a week before cruise!!! ???

You are probably SOL on a refund/cancellation. Sad to say, but I doubt you would enjoy her company if she went on the trip. I have seen several break up cruises and none were 'all that they could be'--even when both parties give a serious effort. Take a friend, family member or even coworker with you on the trip. Ask someone from this website to join you for a portion of the cruise fare. You will have to pay a small fee to change the passenger's name. If this is truly the lady for you, she will have time to think about you having fun without her while you are at sea. I know that probably sounds heartless, but I am older [finally an advantage to aging!]. I did go on a trip following a break up. We never fought, before, during or after the trip, just a large number of differences arose[I am a west coast girl and he wanted to move back to Boston]. During the cruise we both seemed to focus on being so nice to each other that we seemed to miss our trip.

All breakups are hard and this has not intended to make light of your situation, but to make the best of it. Once you return, post and let us know how the trip went.

BTW: There are always single and available ladies on cruises...
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Old February 28th, 2006, 07:46 PM
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Truly, if I was nursing a broken heart, feeling sad and depressed...would I rather mope around the house (especially if the former girlfriend was still there) or go get pampered and catered to on a cruise ship and possibly be surrounded and sought after by other eligible singles? Its a no brainer. The money is a non-issue as it has already been spent and there is nothing you can do about it, so why not put your best foot forward, be strong and move on with your new life. Now get out there and have some fun!
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Old February 28th, 2006, 07:59 PM
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Crap! I hit yes, meant to hit NO! Go on the cruise. On one of my cruises, I met a girl on what was supposed to be her honeymoon cruise. She had the best time and said towards the end of the cruise how glad she was that she went even though she thought it wouldn't be any fun.

Don't let my mis-vote count! No one has said not to go on the cruise yet!

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Old February 28th, 2006, 08:06 PM
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Hi EMG,

I agree with everyone else! Go on the cruise!

If you don't want to go by yourself take your best bud or even your Mom!

(You might change the locks on your house before you leave, if you think it's necessary.)

I think you'll have a great time,
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Old February 28th, 2006, 08:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UConn1
Crap! I hit yes, meant to hit NO! Go on the cruise.
I was wondering who hit yes.. lol.. I have talked to my brother and he said that if she said no, once I asked her again tonight, that he would go. I'm going to tell her that if she tells me no tonight, that I'm going to have her name on the ticket changed to my brothers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fern
You might change the locks on your house before you leave, if you think it's necessary
I wish I could but she is still living here, so changing the locks would only make a bad situation worse if she came home one day over the weekend and learned that she couldn't get in.
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Old February 28th, 2006, 08:37 PM
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At this point, I think you will have far more fun with your brother. Think about how stressful it will be to have someone around that may or may not be talking to you. If she says no, leave it at that and cruise with your brother, I guarantee he won't let you down!

Jodi
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Old March 1st, 2006, 12:31 AM
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Yep, you have the tickets - take a friend or relative and go enjoy! But do not drink in depression!!! Have safe fun -- and enjoy. It only cost about 50 bucks for a name change I believe.
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Old March 1st, 2006, 12:51 AM
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The idea of allowing the ever present ship photographers to get pix of you is a great idea. It got me to thinking...once you are on the ship let two people know that this is your 'jilted cruise'==the Restaurant Manager [this is the guy who IS connected] and the Captain's Hostess. Just hand write a brief message, place in a sealed envelope and label with the person's title. Explain that you got 'left at the alter' [the staff LOVE trying to make things right!!!] and that this is your first cruise and you are concerned that you will enjoy it. Sign your full name and list your cabin #. Ask either ask the Purser's staff or your cabin steward [butler if you are in a suite] to have the messages delivered. I bet you will get so much attention that you can't help but have a great time.

How do I know this? I missed a cruise due to ice storms in Houston, therefore, the smaller airport closed...long story short I had a small adventure just getting to Miami. Since I missed two days of the cruise, the staff was all over me to try to make up for lost time. I just mentioned the missed days to the cruise director, who put me in touch with the Captain's Hostess [dinner with the Captain, several behind the scenes tours, etc., the Restaurant Manager comp'd several items...best o' luck.

BTW: Everyone's ideas in the earlier thread are GREAT!

Bon Voyage!!!
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Old March 1st, 2006, 01:14 AM
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EMG,

I'm not a counselor; however, I've been married for more than 22 years and I am female. I do not know what the "heart of the break up" is . . . but, this is a 5 year relationship, and if you have both been faithful to one another and this is over conflict of personality (but she loves you/vice versa). Then I bet that this will all work out with proper communication and each of you truly paying attention to each others "feelings" . . . sometimes we do not take into consideration that our partner is human too. We tend to drain them for our own needs and fail to nourish them back to health . . . Perhaps you have needs she hasn't met (vise versa). .. I know I drained my mate w/out realizing it until we had a "Heart to Heart".... I do hope I helped you some and that this made sense.

Keep your cruise tickets Enjoy who you are!

You seem to be very romantic (re: roses sent) ... sure this is 1 quality she loves about you.
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Old March 1st, 2006, 01:40 AM
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Go - have a great time - and deal with "at home" once you get back. Hopefully she won't take her "mad" out on your home - it sounds like you have been very generous with her so far. Just tell her she can stay at your place until she can get herself situated somewhere else. When you leave for your holiday - make it on good terms. A brother is a great friend in a time of crisis. Enjoy - you deserve it and she may even have had a change of heart by the time you get back - absence makes the heart grow fonder.

If by chance you do go on this cruise with her - steer clear of those "dangerous topics" for the week - especially when you've had a few "umbrella drinks"

ttfn Jennifer
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Old March 1st, 2006, 01:44 AM
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Quote:
If by chance you do go on this cruise with her - steer clear of those "dangerous topics" for the week - especially when you've had a few "umbrella drinks"


Great Advice Jen!
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Old March 1st, 2006, 03:46 AM
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If you listen to the radio, tune in to Tom Joyner Morning Show and ask Ms Dupree (a New Orleans psychic) what you should do (VBG)

You might think about bringing back a small present for your lady friend just in case she calls and asked you how your cruise was

you of course know that since you posted this and opened yourself up for our coaching, the heck with the review of your cruise, you have to tell us what happen when you get back with her..inquiring cruise minds want to know..or better yet, if you met a nice lady on the ship

as someone earlier posted.. the last thing you want to do is go on a cruise with a partner you are having conflict with..cruising is for lovers and friends and fun and romance, not a week of "discussions"..my mother raised all of her sons to honor the "don't ever go to bed mad at each other, resolve it before it gets to the bedroom"..you think you are having problems now..in a confined ship enviroment the problems magnify !!!!
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Old March 1st, 2006, 04:16 AM
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Ok here is my two cents- at worst case you go alone and maybe are a bit lonely but you are at sea! It's beautiful quiet and you can always curl up with a good book on a deck chair and relax. Plus you get great entertainment and food, you can even have it brought to your room for no extra charge. Chances are if there are singles on board they will be women so the odds are in your favor there.

Having taken a cruise with my ex boyfriend years ago we got into an awful fight on formal night it ruined my formal night I spent it crying in our cabins bathroom. Not a good night at all it put a damper on the rest of the cruise. So if your not getting along now, and she is not meeting you half way; then I say go without her. If you can get a male friend to go alone even better as you two can meet women together. In the future if your breakup sticks try an organized singles cruise with a singles agency like Vacations to Go. I've been on 2 singles cruises and I can tell you they are wonderful for making friends and possibly finding romance.
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Old March 1st, 2006, 07:22 AM
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EMG,

It's always hard to give someone else advice about a relationship issue especially when you don't have to stand in this person's shoes but here's my point. If you decide not to go at all, you may think about or regret how you didn't go on the cruise or what a great time you missed. Relationships are one of the hardest things us humans have to deal with but regret is just as hard. I'm sorry for your tough times but definitely take the cruise and also hit up the MOB section on this site and see if any other CM's will be on your ship. Good luck.
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Old March 1st, 2006, 10:41 AM
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yes, i do think you should go on your cruise!!! i already told my bf that if we broke up (we booked last summer for an april 2006 cruise) i'd go without him. reason being, the vacation and the ports i wanted to see were just as important as being there with him.

as far as flat out telling her "if you're not going, my brother is going" i'm not so sure that's the way i'd want to hear it. if you love her and she loves you, she is probably hurting over what you said and deep down is hoping things will work out. i mean, if she really hated everything about you, she would have left that day and gone to stay with a friend until she found a new place. it will take some effort on both parts i'm sure.

here is how this would probably work if this happened to my bf and me: he'd have to convince me to go with him, and convince me he still wanted to be with me after what he said. he'd probably leave a list of reasons he wanted me to go in a letter on my pillow. i'm sure there would be roses involved. he'd probably call my sister and tell her how miserable he is since i was't talking to him, knowing she'd call me and tell me everything. my sister would convince me to go, saying that one fight in almost 3 years isn't worth calling everything off. i'd probably go, and he'd spend the rest of the cruise being extra nice to me and we'd figure out everything else when we got home. if i happened to say no, i would almost expect him to go anyway (although if he came home with pictures of him with a thousand different women, i'd be REALLY mad!!!)

hope this helps and good luck! let us know how it goes.
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Old March 1st, 2006, 11:22 AM
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EMG, First let me say, tough break and I am sorry that this is where you are at right now.
I am not a licesned counselor, but I am a minister and often assist folks in similar situations. So here is my quasi- professional opinion.
Cruises are great, but they only last a week. If you are serious about trying to mend this relationship, how will she feel when you come back? As far as the advice given about finding someone else on the ship, I think that is the last thing you want to do. How fair is it to the new person that they get hooked up with someone who is still in love with another?
I say, if this lady is really the one you want, take the hit on the cruise cost and work on mending what you had with her. It is tough to lose out on the money, but what about the love?
I would be happy to go further with this if you want to send me an e-mail.
The good news is that you have alot of us here that are in your corner.
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Old March 1st, 2006, 12:59 PM
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Hey Emg :

How did the flowers go over??

I agree with ( didnt see name sorry!) the lady that has been married for 22 yrs! Communication... its gotta be there even after the nasty fights.

But...I strongly beleive that you need to get everything said and on the table... My bf and I have been together for 2 yrs...THIS TIME! lol.. We first met 12 yrs ago.. and because I was not into communication, I lost out for 5 years! Then we " met again" and tried it....and yes... we were both to " proud" to bare our hearts once again...

For some reason...We kept getting other chances, and this time.( our 3rd and last time! lol). my god have we ever bared our souls! We have had some huge fights and we both almost gave up a few times, but in the end, it comes down to whether you love each other enough to get over the little things.

When little things bother us, we talk, its better then letting them boil over.

Tell her you would love to have her with you on the cruise, but, if she doesnt budge, then tell her that maybe a week apart will give you both enough time to think about if this is the love you want to save.

If you do take your brother, just relax and have fun!
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Old March 1st, 2006, 04:37 PM
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No response to the flowers I sent yesterday, I had to check the delivery to make sure the got sent, they did. I let her come home, unwind and go upstairs and lay in the bed with the dog, gave her about a half an hour to relax, went upstairs, but my hand on her chest and asked her how she was feeling. She told me fine, and then went on to tell me about she feels about the argument we had.

My problem with her stems from excessive partying, her problem with me stems from me not breaking my back to make her happy, which stems from my problem with her excessive partying. It's a cycle that is broken only when the EXCESSIVE partying isn't happening. Her explanation for partying is that she knows no other way to be happy. (If anyone is interested in what excessive partying means, you can PM me.)

I was told last night, once again that she doesn't look at me the same after what I said and I told her that I could understand how she felt because I feel the same way; (probably won't make much sense if you don't understand what excessive partying means). But I can forgive, even though I will never forget.

We talked for about an hour or so before I had to finish some work and she had to get to sleep but, she mentioned that she WAS going to go on the cruise last night. I told her good, come on the cruise, then when we get back, you can do whatever you want to do, I will not try and keep you, or pursuade you from moving out, even though I don't want you to.

Today, I sent her a text message that said, "Hi beautiful and I was thinking about you so I wanted to say Hi" her response was, "I will go on vacation with you, but I have to move first" I said, I need to know kinda like right now, if you're going or if you're not going because, if you're not going I'm going to get the names on the tickets changed and take my brother since cancelling them would be a total waste of money. (She paid for own tickets - cruise and air). She then tells me that it was funny, that I was going to get the tickets changed when I didn't even pay for them. I wrote back that it would be a TOTAL waste if no one went, but if you want to send someone in your place, that's fine too. To that, I got no response.

I don't think it's unfair to change the name on the tickets she paid for if she doesn't want to use them. However, I think she will now say she's going, but not go, just so my brother doesn't go. So I may end up going alone, which I have also come to grips with.

BTW: Carnival said if I was going to change the name on the cruise ticket, I'd better do it now before the dept. of homeland security puts restrictions on the name change, and the airlines said that I can't change the name on the plane ticket that I would have to cancel all my tickets, then repurchase, which sounds kind of odd especially since I got the airfare at a great deal, and now airline tickets are close to $500 since the date is so close..
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old March 1st, 2006, 04:52 PM
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well you two still have time to be on Dr Phil tomorrow (VBG)

you must be in some pain trying to figure this out..good luck
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Old March 1st, 2006, 06:53 PM
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Quote:
(She paid for own tickets - cruise and air). She then tells me that it was funny, that I was going to get the tickets changed when I didn't even pay for them. I wrote back that it would be a TOTAL waste if no one went, but if you want to send someone in your place, that's fine too. To that, I got no response.
Well, the above puts a whole new "spin" on things! If your GF paid her own way there's really not much you can do if she doesn't go.

I'm not even sure you could change the name on the tickets; she might have to do that.

It would be a waste of her money, but if she's upset enough with you, she may very well tell you at the last minute that she's not going!

I'm glad you've decided to go no matter what.
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