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  #31 (permalink)  
Old May 5th, 2007, 06:13 PM
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No disrespect, but don't let this woman ruin your vacation. Go on the cruise, you deserve it. There is plenty of room for you to go off on your own and let your Evil MIL stew in her own juices.

Have a GREAT time, and GOOD LUCK!
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Old May 5th, 2007, 09:53 PM
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Believe me, I understand your situation. I will be praying that your cruise turns out to be wonderful. Maybe your hubby will go and do stuff with them and you can do stuff with your brother and sister. One other thing.....there suuuuuuuuure have been a lot of people falling overboard these days (hint hint)
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Old May 5th, 2007, 11:37 PM
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i SAY "KILL HER WITH KINDNESS" My MIL does not like me and is not nice sometimes. I will not lower myself to her level and be mean back. I treat her nice and just keep thinking.....she will not be here forever. I dont know how anyone can be toxic on the valor. Just keep a smile on your face and enjoy the cruise. If all else fails....there's always those drinks with the little umbrellas in them to make you feel better. Let me know how you like the valor...we loved it.
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Old May 6th, 2007, 02:12 AM
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This is so sad to hear. My DH and I are taking my parents on a cruise and we are so excited. My DH especially bc he just cant wait to hang out with my parents.

I am going to probably say something that might hurt your feelings but here it goes.

Why are you with your husband? are you still in love with him? Also I want to ask you if you are in love with him how can you be when he doesnt respect you?

I have more respect for myself to stand by and let my husband disrespect me and our marriage by basically putting his mother first. You two need counseling ASAP. You need to tell your husband that your will no longer be his or his mothers doormat. Like someone said you need to have the Come to Jesus talk with him. Leave her out of it. Let him deal with her.

This has been going on for way too long and I seriously think that this can effect you and how you view yourself. If he wont go to counseling go by yourself.

We do not know your situation but I can tell you that living with someone who puts you second is not a partnership. Please take some of this advice and start working on trying to make it better.

As far as the cruise, I personally would have NEVER agreed to go. If its too late just go and put a smile on your face but seriously the minute you guys get home you need to deal with the bigger issue you have going on.
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  #35 (permalink)  
Old May 7th, 2007, 09:38 AM
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MG
I understand what you are going thru, my BF’s mother hates me. When I say “Hates Me? that is being gentle. I told my BF that I refuse to go on any vacation with his mother she is an EVIL :evil: , MEAN, UN-HAPPY, B*&^%. I have dated this man for 7 years and finally about 2 years ago I decided that this woman (His Mother) would not speak to me ugly any more and I would NOT tolerate her or any one being mean to me. I finally started given her exactly what she gave me and I guess she finally understood that if she is ugly to me then she BETTER be willing to get what she gives.

Best of luck to you, just tell her what you feel and go and enjoy your cruise.
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Old May 7th, 2007, 10:25 AM
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ok.. I'll throw in my two cents worth.

It obvious that your husband made this trip all about him spending time with his parents.. Your going with a large group and you have your brother and his wife. I suggest you treat this like a separte vacation. You make plans with your brother and other people in the group.. Believe me.. there's plenty to do where you don't have to put up with the sour company. Life is too dang short to have to deal with things like this. If your DH insists that you must be with them then have him select one time per day on the ship... OK.. I have this this and this already set up what are you doing and what time. I'll be there.. suffer through it then say your off to your next event. See ya.. Your outta there. That way he can't say that you didn't join in "family" stuff.

Good luck. and have a great cruise just for you.
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  #37 (permalink)  
Old May 7th, 2007, 10:36 AM
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I married the oldest child who was the only son.....so now you know how much his mom liked me. It was horrible for a long time. I'll never forget what she told me when I was pregnant with our first child, "The child you are carrying is not my grandchild. One day Michael will meet the girl who is right for him. They will marry and have children. Those children will be my grandchildren."

My DH never did believe his mother said such horrible things to me, but she did. I had one terrible argument with her and stormed out of her house. I didn't speak to her or see her for 5 years. My DH brought the children to visit, but I stayed away. My absence spoke volumes! DH tried to make excuses for everyone.

Fast forward through 20+ years and the relationship was tolerable. Then MIL was dying. I took family leave to care for her during her final days (her daughters helped as well). She was totally paralyzed during her last week on earth, and could barely talk. She asked me...."How can you do this?" I said, "How can I not." Three days before she died, she said she was sorry....I said I know. Her last words to me...."I love you" and I said "I love you too!" and I did.

My MIL taught me MANY valuable lessons. My oldest is married and MY only son is in a serious relationship. I keep my nose out of their business and I have always accepted my SIL and future DIL into my family with open arms. I don't criticize them or say cruel things to them.

Plus, she taught me how to make a great cornbread dressing!

There was never a defining moment in the turn of our relationship. It just evolved. My advice.....keep your distance and NEVER let her know she has upset you! The weight issue...When she makes her comments, say DH hasn't complained. If that doesn't work, SMILE, then say DH loves to see every square inch of me! Name calling....address that by saying DH did you hear that, your mom thinks you are married to a _______.

Separate shore excursions, definitely! And if DH doesn't grow some backbone.....find someone who will!

Melody
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  #38 (permalink)  
Old May 7th, 2007, 11:00 AM
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*HUGE hug* I am so sorry I wasn't on here this weekend to post sooner.

Have you ever got your MIL drunk? You might get some honesty out of her why she is like this to you. Amazing how honest people are with a few drinks, maybe some long island ice teas

OK seriously. I have one word for you, counseling. And not for you, for your husband. It sounds like he has some serious issues with his family if he is allowing this to happen. From what your saying it sounds like he is a 'people pleaser' and has yet to please Oscar the grouch (AKA his psycho mother).

If your husband is going to take the stance that this is family time for him, then it must be family time for you too. Give him a wave goodbye as you head out on excursions with sister and brother. I bet the three of you will have a blast.

Good luck. I will be thinking about you this weekend when I am hugging my BF's mother this weekend for being such a sweet heart. *HUGGG*, Carla
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  #39 (permalink)  
Old May 7th, 2007, 11:25 AM
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In the spirit of equal time..have your MIL post on this site
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  #40 (permalink)  
Old May 7th, 2007, 02:13 PM
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venice,

I would love for my mother in law to post how she feels, but she doesn't know how to use the computer. I would love to hear her side as well.

MG
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  #41 (permalink)  
Old May 7th, 2007, 02:19 PM
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adias.angel,

No my mother in law doesn't drink she is very much stero type. She feels people who drink are drunks. I have 9 years worth of stories. I wish I could get her drunk on the cruise.

MG
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  #42 (permalink)  
Old May 7th, 2007, 03:22 PM
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Passion Mango...first I love your screen name, why did you select it ?(it's my favorite juice that I purchase every week from Winn Dixie)

Second, just something to think about that I learned from first hand experience..Sometimes when people treat you like that, you have to do some deep research and you find out that person has some very deep pain in their past that has manifested itself in their treatment towards you. You think it's caused by you or something you did, but it's not your pain ( I bet your husband knows the real deep dark family secret and has chosen not to share it with you)

People are good about giving advise (well intended as we might be), but the bottom line is that if you agree to go on the cruise, you have agreed to the conditions. One day, by pure accident, you will stumble into the reasons why your in laws are the way they are. Your assignment is to make sure you don't treat your children's spouses like you have been treated..

Now back to the good stuff..have you figured out how you are going to spoil yourself on this cruise ? Did you treat yourself to a whole new warobe ? Is this your family's first cruise ? You might plan to have a night out at the karoke bar and with your inlaws present you can dedicate the song 'Mother - In- Law" (written of course by a New Orleans native who actually really loved his MIL)..Have you priced at home any jewelry that you are thinking about buying while on your cruise..You have gone online to check the various spa services offered on the ship because it's very obvious you are going to need not 1 but maybe 3 spa treatments...have you planned a romantic evening or two with just your husband and make sure he tells his parents don't bother you two that evening..better yet, you should plan a romantic evening for his parents..
Have you ever tried the drink Majito (???) if not try one for us and let us know how it turns out

matter of fact, if you really get stressed out on the cruise and are close to lashing out at your inlaws or husband send us an e-mail with a daily round up of your day !!!

Change your energy level from "toxic inlaws" mode to "hey I'm going on a cruise and I'm going to have a good time because I work hard and deserve to have fun" mode. So many of us wish we could go with you
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  #43 (permalink)  
Old May 7th, 2007, 03:27 PM
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well said venice... *thumbs up* Its all in how you choose to approach it..
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  #44 (permalink)  
Old May 7th, 2007, 03:41 PM
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Well said venice. For people who have seen this happen to loved ones it always makes us extra angry to see it happen to others. It hits close to home, so forgive us for too much advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by venice
So many of us wish we could go with you
Then again if many of us "well intended advice" givers went with her, she would almost be guaranteed her MIL would "accidentally" fall over board

I hope that made you laugh passionmango, you need a few laughs it sounds like
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Old May 7th, 2007, 03:46 PM
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I figure better vacation via WINE! Makes everything fun.
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  #46 (permalink)  
Old May 7th, 2007, 04:19 PM
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Sunday is Mother's Day...Purchase a copy of the DVD "Out To Sea" with Walter Matheau and Jack Lemmon and present it as a Mother's Day gift to your MIL and view it after dinner with her !! It's funny as heck, gets you in the mood for your upcoming cruise and Dyan Canon's mother may remind you of somebody (hint hint)
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  #47 (permalink)  
Old May 7th, 2007, 04:38 PM
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passionmango;
Ahh the Mojito as venice said this is a great drink. I have found one that could be your signature drink. I haven't tried this one yet, but sounds good. Give it a try. Practice before the cruise. Have a good time on your own.
Gary

Mango Mojito recipe

The Mango Mojito is a popular variation on the Mojito. You'll find this recipe being used in parts of Palm Beach County, Florida and Crested Butte, Colorado.

This for one serving
1 1/2 oz Cruzan® mango rum
3 oz club soda
4 mint leaves
1 lime wedge

Muddle the mint leaves and lime wedge in the bottom of an old-fashioned glass. Add Cruzan mango rum and club soda as above or adjusted to taste. Add ice cubes, and serve.
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Old May 7th, 2007, 08:33 PM
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WOAH! I wish I would of replied sooner...Passion your MIL is one f%$*@#d up chick...seriously if u need need help sending her to swim with the dolphins I'll help you out! What's the deal with her? Is she THAT jealous of your relationship with her son? C'mon there shouldn't be ANY competition between the two of you. She is obviously dysfunctional and insecure and just straight up crazy! Good luck on your trip and I'll be on the ship if you need back up!
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  #49 (permalink)  
Old May 7th, 2007, 11:28 PM
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MG
I also have a toxic mother-in-law, though not abusive. I would not be able to do what you are doing unless I knew I could safely avoid her 90% of the time. I try very hard to get along with her for my husband and kids but any vacation with her would be pushing it!

Good luck! Hope you can have a great time with your brother and sister. With being in charge of the group, I'm sure there will always be someone who needs you for something!
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Old May 8th, 2007, 12:18 AM
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see-chel,

Thank you and after reading everyones posts I got some really good ideas. Thank you to everyone!!

MG
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Old May 8th, 2007, 10:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by passionmango
Thank you and after reading everyones posts I got some really good ideas.
Really good ideas huh.......Does that mean that we should be looking for articles about a woman "accidentally" falling overboard? Just kidding, wanted to make ya laugh. Have a great trip, Carla
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Old May 8th, 2007, 11:12 AM
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adias.angel,

lol- I would hope she would not fall over board, As much as I don't like her I don't wish her bad.

MG
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Old May 8th, 2007, 05:17 PM
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I'm laughing with all of the other posters! We've been married 30+ years and this is so funny now, but it wasn't back then........

After another confrontation with my MIL, I was telling DH about the incident hoping he would FINALLY see what his mom was up to. But, as usual, he made yet another excuse for her possible behavior and my possible misinterpretation of her comments. I was so angry.....I couldn't believe he was still being a momma's boy, so I told him.........

FINE! Since you seem to agree with the way your mother is treating me, you need her as your wife, why don't you just go sleep with her (only I didn't say "sleep with"!). I think at that point, I sent him back home to live with his dear mother for several months.

She passed away several years ago. I cried at her funeral, not for my loss (although I had come to love her), but for my children's loss. She was an absolute gem as a grandmother. I wish she were here today to see her youngest granddaughter graduate and to see how gorgeous her great grandchildren are!
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Old May 8th, 2007, 06:03 PM
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MG, You are in a difficult situation, but you can make the most of it. Plan your day and do what you want to do. At anytime that your MIL starts getting out of line, leave! Walk away from them. There is plenty of activities on the ship that you can find a pleasant way to spend you time, without the abuse! You are in my thoughts.
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Old May 8th, 2007, 07:08 PM
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Ms. Mango, I must applaud the decorum with which you seem to be handling this awkward situation. I would not have done as well. I would definitely do my own thing. I think it was ingenious of you to invite your own family members as well, so you will have allies. Truly since your d/h invited them, I would let him plan their activities and I would put on my go to hell hat and go to hell shoes and dance on the tables and have a great time (I didn't mean to literally dance on the tables, but I am sure you know what I mean) I wouldn't waste one minute of my valuable cruise time worrrying about them. Go have fun with the people who love and appreciate you.
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Old May 8th, 2007, 10:20 PM
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Gary & Rox,

Yum!! The Mango Mojito sounds good I may need a few to keep going.

Thank you,

MG
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Old May 8th, 2007, 10:30 PM
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passionmango;
You are very welcome. I am going to try it this weekend.
Enjoy
Gary & Rox
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Old May 11th, 2007, 10:43 PM
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I would go on the cruise and maybe book excursions with your brother and sister. The ship is big enough that you can easily get lost. A couple of cruises ago my friend needed time away from her mother. We got a couple of cocktails, went out on my balcony, and just sat and talked for hours. (You cannot hear anybody knocking on the door if you're on the balcony) If your husband wants to spend time and do things with "his family" let him. Lord knows there is enough going on that I'm sure you can find things for you to do as well. It might be beneficial if everyone goes their own way during the day and then you can all talk about your experiences at the end of the day. Best of luck to you and if things get real bad order a woo woo at the bar. (shot of vodka, with cranberry juice and a splash of peach schnapps) Pound that down and guaranteed you'll say woo! and not care what snide remarks your inlaws make.
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Old June 10th, 2007, 08:26 PM
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I made It with my Mother in law. I hope to not take her again.
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Old June 10th, 2007, 10:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by passionmango
I made It with my Mother in law. I hope to not take her again.

And? How did it go?
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