Thought I'd share these - feel free to add your own cruise humor!
Some questions to ask the cruise director on your next cruise:
Which elevator do I take to get to the front of the ship?
Does the ship generate its own electricity?
Why do the inside staterooms not have windows?
What do they do with the ice carvings after they melt?
Is this island completely surrounded by water?
The photos in the photo gallery do not have stateroom numbers on them, so how do we know which ones are ours?
Has this ship ever sunk?
Is it fresh water or salt water in the toilet?
Does the crew sleep onboard?
What time is the Midnight Buffet?
Do the movies on the TV come via satellite or cable?
Do these stairs go up, or down?
What is the elevation of the ship?
On the last night of the cruise, should we put our suitcases out in the hall before or after we go to sleep?
What religion are all those people who are wearing a patch behind their ear?
Public address announcement on the second night of a seven-night cruise: "If anyone is driving a green Taurus with Virginia License BVK-743, you left your lights on."
The Top 10 Reasons you may want Early Seating:
More children for your children to make friends with.
Quicker service, as dining room must be cleared in time for next seating.
Two chances to see Vegas Style shows (you can make both seatings)
Less chance of a menu item being depleted.
Early breakfast allows sit-down breakfast before going into port/pool.
Earlier lunch allows sit-down lunch before going into port/pool.
Better chance of being hungry for Midnight buffet.
Usually less demand for this seating. So if you request it when booking you'll have a better chance of getting it. Also, a better chance of changing tables if requested.
The obvious: You get to eat at 8pm instead of 10pm for dinner.
Less honeymoon couples (TAs seem always to suggest late seating to them).
The Top 10 Reasons you might want Late Seating
Less children at late seating (i.e., no crying or food fights).
More relaxed/slower service (they don't have people waiting to eat after you).
The opportunity to watch sunset nightly from deck.
More time to get ready for dinner (or take a nap).
More time for a pre-dinner drink.
Too full for Midnight buffet (only good if dieting).
Better chance of making breakfast if you stay up late at night.
You can make sit down lunch after going into port/pool.
More honeymoon couples to mingle with or share war stories.
You read in rec.travel.cruises this is the one for you. Not sure why?
The Top 10 Reasons you might want NO Seating
On a diet (i.e., you wanted to be the 1st person to lose weight on a cruise).
Prefer having all of your food via room service (honeymooners?).
Ice cream bar is open through early seating, making you too full for dinner. The bar is open, why do I need food? Besides the bar has munchies.
You brought C-rations or like eating in port.
You are a stow-away and afraid you'll be noticed sneaking a dining room seat.
You came with a group whom you'd rather not associate with (e.g., a gift from and with the in-laws; (been there, done that).
You forgot your false teeth.
You are planning on falling overboard while urinating and don't want to eat within a half hour of swimming to shore (see Celebration story).
You want to stay in your cabin and make sure your clothes don't end up being twisted into cute animal shapes.