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  #1 (permalink)  
Old July 4th, 2001, 10:27 PM
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Default Signs you're on a bad cruise?

The shuffleboard puck looks suspiciously like a urinal cake.

Six -foot-tall obnoxious mice greet you everywhere you go and it's "not" a Disney cruise.

Welcome aboard "wine and cheese" buffet consists of Ripple and Velveeta.

Their Ship: Leonardo DiCaprio sketches a tasteful nude of you in your cabin. Your ship: Bobby-Ray spray paints your name on one of the smokestacks.

"And here's your dance director: The man who invented dancing, Al Gore!"

Cruise line name: ValuBoat, Destination: Florida Everglades

"Attention passengers: Now starting on the Lido Deck is the ship's Tequilla Shots Championship. Come watch undefeated Captain Hazelwood defend his title!"
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Old July 4th, 2001, 11:16 PM
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Default Re: Signs you're on a bad cruise?

The steel drum band' first sail-away number is "Ebb Tide."

You look aft during skeet practice and see the first officer throwing rats off the stern as targets.

You go to the infirmary and the doctor looks exactly like Captain Klink as he says, "very eenteresting."

You see obviously leftover scrambled eggs on the lunch buffet as soon as you board.

You see roach traps in your stateroom.

The captain's first announcement starts with, "We regret to inform you that we have an itinerary change...."

Lifeboat drill? What lifeboat drill....what lifeboats? What life jackets?

You get to the dock and find that your ship is drydocked; they've replaced it, though, with some ship called the Poseidon.

:o)
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Old July 4th, 2001, 11:36 PM
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Default Re: Signs you're on a bad cruise?

Mrs. [shipname] is Shelley Winters.
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Old July 4th, 2001, 11:45 PM
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Default Re: Signs you're on a bad cruise?

My wake up call turns out to be my alarm, and I look around and notice the porthole is actually my bedroom window. My GOD.. I'm on land!

Kuki
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Old July 5th, 2001, 01:08 AM
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Default Re: Signs you're on a bad cruise?

Divetex

"You see roach traps in your stateroom."

This actually happened to me, but it was my crew cabin on the Norway. Yes, its an OLD ship and the crew cabins were all along a corridor they call "slime alley" (ask anyone who has ever worked on the Norway about Slime Alley), because all the crates where loaded there and all the garbage off-loaded not far away. Bugs do come aboard and occasionally I would see a roach in my cabin.

You have to understand that the Norway is an anomaly, modern cruise ships have crew areas as nice as the passenger areas. Well, ok, the cabins are smaller, but they are carpetted and have bathrooms and television sets.
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Old July 5th, 2001, 07:12 AM
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Default Re: Signs you're on a bad cruise?

Only bad cruise is NO CRUISE! lol
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Old July 5th, 2001, 12:42 PM
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Default Re: Signs you're on a bad cruise?

Tweety, Magilla-Gorilla, Wabbit can't fit in my suitcase ... so they leave me behind.

My cabin has been doubly sold; my choice is to accept Andre the Giant as my cabinmate or take a land vacation (gasp!!)

First announcement of the day: "Does anyone have a GPS?"

joanne
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Old July 5th, 2001, 12:46 PM
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Default Re: Signs you're on a bad cruise?

You hear the sound of steel balls being hand-manipulated during the "Voice From The Bridge" announcement.

In the background, you hear "Set sail for Stockholm?"
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Old July 5th, 2001, 01:12 PM
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Default Re: Signs you're on a bad cruise?

The first evening's entertainment consists of a yodeller, someone who makes bottle cap sculptures, and a rousing game of quarters.

A sign in the bathroom indicates that complimentary soap and a large bath towel are provided, "....and when you're done with it, please pass it on to the cabin to your right."

After dinner you are asked to help wash dishes in the galley. And no dessert for slackers!
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Old July 5th, 2001, 01:29 PM
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Default Re: Signs you're on a bad cruise?

Pamda:

Just what is wrong with a couple of steel balls to relieve the tension?

You know you're on a bad cruise when the captain nails a coin to the mast and you cabin mate has more tatoos than Alan Iverson!
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Old July 5th, 2001, 08:43 PM
Liner dan
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Default Re: Signs you're on a bad cruise?

Passenager competitons and fun
# how many cabins can you make up(most will win a prize)
# Who can sweep the deck the quickest
#learn how to cook(for around 3000 people)
#Free bridge tour(just dont leave till the next person takes over)
#Paint lessons(paint supplied just meet on bow and a harness will be fitted)
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