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  #1 (permalink)  
Old November 28th, 2001, 01:08 PM
Senior Member
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Join Date: Aug 2000
Posts: 155
Default Paul - As you requested

Here are some fun facts for you men.
-----------------
Rules That Guys Wished Girls Knew

1) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2) Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.
3) Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present!
5) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6) Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7) Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and monster trucks.
8) Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
9) Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10) Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11) Shopping is not sport.
12) Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13) You have enough clothes.
14) You have too many shoes.
15) Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
16) Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot, and your dad's way past idiot.
17) Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18) No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
19) Peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
20) Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
21) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
22) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
23) Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
24) Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25) Check your oil.
26) Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
27) Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
29) Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
30) If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31) If something we said can be interpreted makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
32) Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
33) Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
34) You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - but not both.
35) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
36) Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
37) Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
38) Consider golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
39) Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty, and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
40) The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SEMINARS FOR FEMALES (prepared and presented by males)

1. Elementary Map Reading
2. Crying and Law Enforcement
3. Advanced Math Seminar: Programming Your VCR
4. You CAN Go Shopping for Less than 4 Hours
5. Gaining Five Pounds vs. The End of the World: A Study in Contrast
6. The Seven-Outfit Week
7. PMS: It's YOUR Problem, Not Mine ("It's Happened Monthly Since Puberty: Deal With It")
8. Driving I: Getting Past Automatic Transmissions
9. Driving II: The Meaning of Blinking Orange Lights
10. Driving III: Approximating a Constant Speed
11. Driving IV: Makeup and Driving: It's As Simple As Oil and Water
12. Football: Not a Game: A Sacrament
13. Telephone Translations (formerly titled "Me Too Equals I Love You")
14. How to Earn Your Own Money
15. Gift-giving Fundamentals (formerly titled "Fabric Bad, Electronics Good")
16. Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side
17. Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry
18. Yes, You Can Fill Up At A Self Serve Station
19. Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+ Channels
20. What Goes Around Comes Around: Why His Credit Card is Not a Toy
21. His Best Friend Can Be Yours Too
22. His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out
23. Commitment Schmittment (formerly titled "Wedlock Schmedlock")
24. To Honour and Obey: Remembering the Small Print Above "I Do"
26. Your Mate: Selfish Bas****, or Victimised Sensitive Man?
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  #2 (permalink)  
Old November 28th, 2001, 06:25 PM
Paul B's Avatar
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: May 2001
Posts: 2,834
Default Re: Paul - As you requested

Rerally neat. I don't know where you get all this stuff, but it is great. It is amazing what people will do to take up their time when they are not crusing.

Paul B
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Old November 28th, 2001, 08:15 PM
rsawick
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Posts: n/a
Default Re: Paul - As you requested

Not bad... but add how to read road maps, instructions and manuals. Cats are better than dogs as long as you do not keep them inside anymore than they want to be. Th keep the property clear of vermin.
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Old November 29th, 2001, 09:19 AM
Senior Member
Cruise Maniac
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 165
Default Re: Paul - As you requested

Don't know what I would do without humor. I live on it. It is the air I breathe.
Never will I mean to offend, just having fun at my own expense too sometimes.
Yes, this occupies me between cruises.
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