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Old December 15th, 2001, 11:46 AM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,238
Default Playing the Lagerphone ...

This is mostly for Jake, mostly because he asked, but it's important information.

Many people believe that the official musical instrument of Australia is the Diggery-Doo. Not.

The REAL musical instrument of the Land of Oz is the LAGERPHONE.

Lagerphones are highly personal and are usually constructed by the musician. It is a time-consuming (and consuming) process.

Take one broomhandle. Report to pub. Order beer. Remove cap. Pierce cap with sharp instrument. Wire cap to broomhandle. Drink beer. Do this approximately 200 times and you will have a lagerphone. You will probably also be drunk and have several holes in your hand from the sharp instrument.

Playing the lagerphone is an art. When the pub's band begins a tune that speaks to the musician, the lagerphone is pounded on the pub floor in time (more or less) with the beat of the tune. It is wise to confirm that no unsuspecting pub patrons are lying on the floor before commencing.

For those visiting Oz from abroad, please note that it is increasingly difficult to get a lagerphone through airport security. A good pub has lagerphones available for emergencies. These are called "house phones."

Lagerphones should never be used as weapons.
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