Saturday, April 20, 2002
The Wit & Wisdom of Rodney Dangerfield
I was so poor growing up, if I wasn't a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with.
I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
I'm so ugly . . . I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times -- three of those times I was reading it.
A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home