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Old September 27th, 2002, 09:35 AM
Cruise Cynic's Avatar
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Default You might want to Switch Cruises if...


- It is September, and the latest tropical storm is called "Anna".

- "Due to the healthy lifestyle craze sweeping America, we at Cruise Line XXX have decided to adopt a "Healthy Lifestyle Cruising" policy on all of our ships. We have hired a diet guru to oversee our culinary experience, and adopt a fat-free menu for everyone. Guests may order from either our zero-fat or Vegan menu offerings. In addition, regular ship's activities which are not considered to reflect an active lifestyle, like bingo, trivia, and sunbathing, will be replaced by mandatory aerobics, tae-bo and run-a-mile. All passengers will be expected to participate. Early-seating wake up calls will be at 6:00 am, Late Seating at 7:00 am"

- A large group of Jehova's Witnesses is booked on your particular sailing. Check out the "Watchtower", they do go cruising alot. Captive audience is my guess... where ya gonna hide???

- Cruise Line XXX is pleased to introduce "Come-As-You-Are Cruising". No dress codes, anywhere, anytime. Bring the whole family, we especially love colic-ey infants! Party as loud as you want, any time or anywhere you want... The Ship is yours! No need for childcare, the ship is a completely safe environment, let those young ones run free.... No Rules Cruising makes you feel inhindered and unencumbered... Free, like Americans should be! (***Cruise Line XXX reserves the right to put ashore without compensation any guest deemed to be a threat to themselves, crew or fellow passengers)

- The ship's propulsion unit has broken down on the last three sailings, but the cruise line gives you their "greatest assurances" that the problem has been fixed, once and for all.

- Cruise Line XXX announces the first 100% Environmentally-Friendly ship at sea! All electrical power, including propulsion, is generated on board using stationary bicycles. (We usually have enough crew for this purpose, but during periods of peak usage, or rapid travel, cruise passengers may be required to assist) All refuse generated onboard is completely re-cycled, from waste water to left-over food, it is all "purified" and re-introduced into the system. Lobster tails become lobster thermidor become lobster soup etc... Unconsumed beer and wine will be meticulously collected and re-used, mostly for cooking purposes.

- Cruise Line XXX is pleased to announce a new partnership with McDanelds Restaurants Inc. Beginning immediately, our esteemed partner will take over our food service infrastructure, with the ultimate goal of increasing global market penetration of total market share. Our partner's famous products, such as the world renouned "Big Muck", will certainly quickly become as big a cruising favourite as it already is back Stateside. Mascot Ranald will be on hand to entertain the kiddies, but could also be prone to pinching your wife's bottom while you're not looking.

- There are several clothing-optional cruises every year, on several cruise lines. Remember from your last cruise, most cruisers are not terribly attractive with their clothes on.

- Cruise Line XXX has designated the next sailing as an "All Heavy Metal" cruise, featuring your masters of ceremony Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne. Famed performers such as Limp Bizkit, Nine Inch Nails and Marilyn Manson will replace your regular performers in all ship's venues. Earplugs will be available for a modest fee. Join your cruise staff for some head-banging in the mosh pit! Future themed cruises include an All-Rap cruise with your host Kid Rock, featuring a showdown between Eastcoast & Westcoast posses. Duck, homey, or pack your 'nine'!

- Carnival Cruise Lines announces the acquisition of RCI Inc. and P&O Princess Cruise Lines Inc.

- In light of recent allegations (which we consider to be totally without merit), at this time Cruise Line XXX has no plans whatsoever to conduct any form of drug tests on its Bridge Staff and Officers. However, the free televised soccer matches via satellite will be discontinued immediately for crew members, and all sets removed from the bridge areas.

- Cruise Line XXX announces the $50.00 Cruise!!! Imagine 7 days in the Sunny Caribbean for a measly fifty bucks! This is the deal of a lifetime! (***Cruise Line XXX reserves the right to alter the pricing of beverages, shore excursions, games of chance, port fees and taxes, and tipping guidelines without prior notification)

- "There is no truth whatsover to the rumours circulating that our Cruise Line is experiencing financial difficulties."

Le Cynic
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  #2 (permalink)  
Old September 27th, 2002, 12:03 PM
Happy Camper
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Default Re: You might want to Switch Cruises if...

This was great! I actually heard a horror story about the Jehova's Witnesses being on board with only 500 normal people. Glad it wasn't me!

These were good! Debbie
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  #3 (permalink)  
Old September 27th, 2002, 06:55 PM
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Default Re: You might want to Switch Cruises if...

Where can I sign up on XXX Cruise Lines..its sounds wonderful! I especially would like the Jehova Witness Cruise...I would love them to knock on my cabin door day and night!
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