Go Back   CruiseMates Cruise Community and Forums > People > Chit - Chat for Cruisers
Register Forgot Password?

Chit - Chat for Cruisers Open Forum for non-cruise posts. Please refrain from inflammatory rhetoric that could be considered offensive. We reserve the right to edit or delete for any reason.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 02:12 PM
sue's Avatar
sue sue is offline
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 5,111
Default Please I need Help....

Today was the worse day with oldest daughter. Where do I begin? I am not a good writer but I try to give details...I need some ideas from anyone please.

Today when she did not get her way she is letting Aiden screaming forever and ever. And I mean a long time. I finally had enough and picked him up myself. She cussed at me and told me to put him down and I said no. She smacked me point blank in my face <I still would not let go of him as he was still screaming> To make a long story short we told her <dh over cell phone she has to leave> We can not take this stress anymore. I had her outside of the house and she had the bay..she took the carseat base and threatened me to break the windows with it. And no, I don't swing. I was so upset and my dh told me to let her in through the back but not let her in the main house.

I called her boyfriend in KY and wanted to tell them that we will put her on a bus and send her back. Well, guess what? His live in girlfriend answered the phone. She sounded real nice and only after I asked her who she was did she tell me. I started crying since now this only avenue is out. I did not tell my daughter and do not plan on telling her. He had told my dh and me here at the hospital that he would never live with her again since she is such a nightmare to live with. There is no one else, no one wants her back due to her distractive behavior. What do I do? She hits me, she even hit her sister today after younger sister asked her not to swear please.

I need help or I will go insane .............Any idea? We can not pay for an appartment for her..but she needs to leave.............

__________________
June 1st 2015--- Denali Explorer Cruise on Star Princess!
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 02:23 PM
Jane_Marlow
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Please I need Help....

That sounds terrible! How old is your daughter? How old is her child? Has she had any anger therapy? Is she employed?

Striking you or anyone else is completely unacceptable and she must be told this, by you and your husband. Is she a danger to her child? Does she have a history of this sort of behavior?

You do not need to tell your daughter that her "ex" bf has a new girlfriend living in his house.

She sounds as though she needs a lot of help. We cannot force others into therapy, of course. The only alternative is to set bounderies, and not let them cross them....hitting is obviously one of them, and yelling, and disrespecting you in your own home cannot be allowed.

She is an adult, right? She lives in your home out of the goodness of your heart. If she has a personality disorder/mental sitution that is one thing, but if she is merely spoiled that is another.

Does she drink or take drugs? Does she have any friends? Any religious beliefs? Is this behavior new? Or a pattern?

Best Wishes to you.
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 02:35 PM
Senior Member
Yeoman
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 967
Default Re: Please I need Help....

File charges! Get her some help!
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 02:41 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,988
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Sue, do I understand correctly that you work at a hospital? Is there any kind of social worker or social services department at the hospital that you can seek couseling and welfare assistance through? Is there a social services department or welfare department locally (city, town , village , county??) that you can utilize to set up your daughter with housing, support and perhaps couselling services? Would your local church offer social services or counselling?
You are being abused. I know this is your daughter and your grandchild, and that makes it hard to take. If she hits you, you might consider having her arrested. Perhaps that is an avenue that needs to be explored. Once arrested, it may open up all kinds of programs to help your daughter and your grandchild through the courts.
Is your grandchild being neglected in any way? Properly fed and cared for? Perhaps you can get custody of the child and get your daughter out of the house and in proper treatment and care through the family courts?
All very overwhelming. Start by speaking to some kind of social services professional.
Do this NOW , TODAY.
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 02:44 PM
Happy Camper
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Do not allow your other children to be abused. You are their only protection. Think of what is best for them. Debbie
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 03:01 PM
Senior Member
First Mate
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 429
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Hi Sue,

First of all, the welfare of that baby and your family had to be the most important thing. It is apparent that your daughter needs help. Please contact solcial services, the authorities, whatever it takes. You have to be tough, it will be very hard. The baby will probasbly get taken away from your daughter, but if she gets help now then things can get better. There is no one who should put up with abuse by someone wlse. There are trained people who can help with this. Also, do not let the baby be a bargaining chip. That is not OK.

Many prayers are headed out your way.

__________________
ms Zuiderdam - May 2006

Carnival Mardi Gras - July 1991
RCCL Viking Serenade - November 1994
Carnival Pride - September 2004
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 03:04 PM
bigjohn461's Avatar
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Hot Springs, Ark.(just below farrimco
Posts: 4,118
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Sue..I do not offer this kind of advice very often..but you are in desperate need of help.
You may not like what I am going to tell you but if you do it ..it will probably work.
Just to let you know that I did work for the Police Dept for 4 yrs and have seen this kind of behavior over and over..First..call the local law enforcement, afterall you are being abused and badly. The police will more than likely arrest her if there are signs of abuse to you or your younger daughter they have no choice..I think Fla has the same programs..they will then contact Family Counseling for you and force her to go. THIS is what she needs..the baby will more than likely remain with you and your husband as he HAS no one else.
They may(if they have it)contact a Crisis Intervention System which most states have.
THEY will get you the help you need..Like PapaBill said..DO IT TODAY..this problem is not going to fix itself and you have tried every avenue there is to try. I can promise you from experience..this is not going to get any better by itself..Get help today Sue..before something tragic happens..Please. in the mean time stay safe as you can and protect you younger daughter..She needs you too. You have nothing to be ashamed about. If you are not part of the solution then you are part of the problem..and you my dear have certainly been trying to be part of the solution, so guess who has not. God Bless you and we will continue to pray for you and your family for some divine intervention, whether it be from the law of the land or from a higher power).

P.S...A night or two in jail just might make her realize how lucky she really has it..that's tough love but you have to try it..nothing else is working..right?..I feel your pain.



Post Edited (07-27-04 22:39)
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 03:11 PM
Senior Member
First Mate
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 301
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Sue, it is not fair to your other children to have to live in an environment like this. Your oldest daughter is grown, YOU are responsible for your minor children and thats who you need to look out for. I was a teen mother (had my daughter at 16) and lived at home. I was so grateful to my parents for allowing me to stay there with my baby that I did everything possible to not inconvenience them, so I do not understand your daughter.
You truly do have a responsibility to your other children to provide a pleasant, loving, PEACEFUL home life. I agree with PapaBill.. You are being abused, and if you call the police and press charges, you will open up opportunities to get her the help that she needs.
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 03:42 PM
Kuki's Avatar
Moderator
Admiral
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Right here :)
Posts: 22,384
Send a message via AIM to Kuki
Default Re: Please I need Help....

The issue is unfortunately a rather simple one. Your daughter has abused you, your husband, her sister.. AND more importantly, the baby (by allowing him to cry without tending to his needs).

You're obviously not equipped to deal with this troubled child (most of us wouldn't be) , so you HAVE to find an authority that is more capable. Perhaps the reality of having the authorities deal with situation will serve as a wake up call to your daughter.

In any event, the actions are necessary. Make it clear to the social services dept that you are willing to act as caregiver for the baby, if they remove him temporarily from his mothers care (if you are).

This is well past the point of a problem you can deal with yourselves, and to attempt to do so will create even more problems down the road.

__________________
C U @ C,
Kuki
CruiseMates' Staff Writer
- The Kuki Side of Cruising-
A new Blog post every Wednesday
http://www.cruisemates.com/blog/author/kuki/
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 04:30 PM
rollerdonna's Avatar
Moderator
Admiral
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Caribou River, Nova Scotia
Posts: 16,214
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Take her to the nearest hospital and have her admitted as a psychiatric patient. If that doesn't work, call the police and have her charged with assault. Call social services and have that baby put under Child Protective Services (unless you are willing to care for him yourself). It's called Tough Love, but you gotta do it or you'll go insane, and somebody will get hurt. Good luck Sue, we're here for you!

donna

__________________
Reply With Quote
  #11 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 04:40 PM
lexxity's Avatar
Senior Member
Yeoman
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Manchester, England.
Posts: 547
Send a message via MSN to lexxity
Default Re: Please I need Help....

sue, i am not qualified to give you advice or offer any, but all i can say is we are here for you and we wish you love and a peaceful solution to your problems.
love and prayers
lexxity

__________________
What do you mean this isn't how they eat onboard?

Queen Elizabeth 2 - Trans-Atlantic 2001
Queen Mary 2 - Caribbean - 2004
Queen Mary 2 - Mediterranean - 2004


QM2 Transatlantic
QE2 40th Anniversary Round Britain Cruise.
Reply With Quote
  #12 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 05:09 PM
Phyllbo's Avatar
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 6,502
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Sue, my heart goes out to you, and I agree with the others. You need to get help with the situation. I know it will be the hardest thing you have ever done, but there is help out there. If she doesn't want it, you can at least get it for the rest of you, and protect yourselves and little Aiden. I am praying that all of this will work out, and that good will come out of this difficult situation.

Phyll

Reply With Quote
  #13 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 06:12 PM
cruisingkandJ
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Re: Please I need Help....

Sue, please, please call Social Services, at least, and get some help. The other posters are right: something terrible could happen.

J.
Reply With Quote
  #14 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 06:43 PM
SarahJ
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Please I need Help....

I wish I could give you that much needed hug.

Do protect your self, your other children and baby Aiden. Your family is in my prayers.
Reply With Quote
  #15 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 07:52 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Orlando
Posts: 4,424
Send a message via AIM to Angela Z.
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Sue,
You and your family are in my heart and prayers.....it will be hard to take the step to get help but you must do something.......easy for us to say I know but for Aiden's future.....
Angela Z.
Reply With Quote
  #16 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 08:01 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 2,061
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Sue, I am sorry to hear of the trouble escalating. As others have said:you must protect yourself, the rest of your family and baby Aiden first. Your daughter needs psychological help. Talk to someone who knows what to do and take action!! Also have a heart- to- heart with your youngest- the poor thing!!! You can not let this continue!!! Sincerely, Brenda in Canada
Reply With Quote
  #17 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 08:30 PM
Jeanne&Ellis
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Please I need Help....

So sorry to hear of this. She definitely needs help, but you do too and please listen to what eveyone has said. You must do something now, don't let it escalate into something that could turn worse. Prayers for you all.

Jeanne

Reply With Quote
  #18 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 08:42 PM
rollerdonna's Avatar
Moderator
Admiral
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Caribou River, Nova Scotia
Posts: 16,214
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Sue, one more thing - please keep us posted - we care, very much so, and all of us are praying for you and your family!

donna

__________________
Reply With Quote
  #19 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 09:17 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: My GPS says 12 ft. above 6 ft. under!
Posts: 7,272
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Sue, I'm not that far away and can come down there and help your daughter adjust her attitude!

The most important thing is not her abusive behavior or her slapping you but her inability to raise a child with decency and morals. When Aiden's mother is slapping her mother there is no way she will be able to properly raise Aiden to be a reasonable member of society unless some corrective behavior is instituted. You have to intervene on Aiden's behalf now and like the others have said, call the authorities.

First thing I would do is call the police and charge her with assault. She struck you with her hand and that's criminal. They most likely will leave the baby with you but may take her to family services. Your daughter will be removed from the house which she needs to be anyway. If she's adult enough to be abusive to you she ought to be adult enough to live on her own. She does not have the privilege of living in your home.

Good luck to you Sue, we're pulling for ya'

Regards,
Thomas
Reply With Quote
  #20 (permalink)  
Old July 27th, 2004, 10:21 PM
pg. pg. is offline
Senior Member
Yeoman
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 809
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Sue, please protect that baby. If your daughter was angry enough to slap her own mother, then I shudder to think of what might happen to Aiden one day when your daughter really " loses it".
Charge her, get her help. but most of all, protect that baby, you are all he has.
Reply With Quote
  #21 (permalink)  
Old July 28th, 2004, 06:23 AM
Senior Member
First Mate
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 454
Default Re: Please I need Help....

I can't add anything that hasn't been said but to let you know we praying for you.

__________________
Jim & Leslie

"If we weren't all crazy we'd go insane"
Reply With Quote
  #22 (permalink)  
Old July 28th, 2004, 06:46 AM
VTJen
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Dear Sue,

I've not much else to add as its already been said. The first step is the hardest to take, but hopefully you started the process yesterday as everyone suggested.

Perhaps you daughter needs medical testing, she could be suffering with something such as bi-polar or another disorder that effects behavior. I really know nothing of those types of conditions except that my best friend adopted two children who both have this and it is very difficult to deal with the behaviors. As others suggested it does take tough love.

We love you and will support you as you take these steps to keep yourself and your family safe. Aiden needs you, as he has no voice or means of protection. All this stress can not be good for him. Also, you daughter needs you to take these drastic measures, though it is doubtful that she is in a state to realize this or admit it.

I know you have faith in the Lord. Trust Him. Let Him lead you. He will give you the strength you need. I'm sure there is someone in your church family that will reach out to you during these difficult days. I truly wish I lived closer. It would be so nice to be there physically for you and the girls. I will pray, though, that the Lord puts someone very special in your life that will be able to be there for you in a very special way.

Please keep us posted. I'm very concerned about you all. If there is anything, anything at all that I can do for you, please, please email me.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

VTJen
Sensation 2/2003
Majesty of the Seas 3/2004
Reply With Quote
  #23 (permalink)  
Old July 28th, 2004, 07:50 AM
sue's Avatar
sue sue is offline
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 5,111
Default Re: Re: Please I need Help....

First of all I would like to Thank each one of you taking the time to write and encourage and suggest ideas to me. Yesterday I read some of the replies and cried reading them. Everyone said the same and I knew I had to do something. So I did make a call to the office at the social place. I told her what I told all of you and she said I should call the police so they can talk some sense into her and maybe find a way to help her. She said there is nothing else she can do. Today I will see another lady that has met oldest daughter and I when she was pregnant and see if she has any ideas.

But......my husband is another story. He believes we just can't throw her out and because of our faith this would not be the right thing to do. He took her out last night to Wendys and tried to talk to her. Forget it..she told him she has zero respect for us <but said she loves us> etc etc. At the end he told her about the boyfriends girlfriend and told her she has got to stop dreaming and a Knight on a white horse will not come and rescue her. She was very upset. She called the ex-boyfriend..ah it was ugly. <I wasn't there> We ended up talking to him again and he told us he will not live with her and she is so bad. Well, he had cheated on her several times before so he isn't all that innocent. My MIL was the saving grace last night.She talked to daughter for hours and I called her this am and she told me what was said. Daughter has been giving an ultimatum <sp?> to find a part time job by mid October and I will take care of the baby. Our goal is for her to be on her own by years end. Will I survive this? To be honest I don't think so. My husband and I have been married 21years..never had any abuse in our marriage and I don't know what is wrong with her. I will also call my christian councelor and see if she can see oldest one. But it is expensive and money is tight now.Please keep us inyour prayers and again...Thank you so much.

__________________
June 1st 2015--- Denali Explorer Cruise on Star Princess!
Reply With Quote
  #24 (permalink)  
Old July 28th, 2004, 08:10 AM
bigjohn461's Avatar
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Hot Springs, Ark.(just below farrimco
Posts: 4,118
Default Re: Please I need Help....

You got it sue..prayers and support are here for the asking..you know we care and are very concerned about you and your family..keep us updated..glad something is being done.

Reply With Quote
  #25 (permalink)  
Old July 28th, 2004, 08:49 AM
Senior Member
Cruise Maniac
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 184
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Sorry to catch up on this a couple days late Sue but thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. You're in a tough situation but you know what has to be done. It's just very difficult to make the call. If I can say one more thing on the subject? You and hubby have to take a united stance in this one - you both have to be on the same page, there can't be any sign of indecision between the two of you. Together you have to protect your family and get help for your daughter. Take your heart out of the equation and make your brain do the work on this one. Good Luck!!
joelin
Reply With Quote
  #26 (permalink)  
Old July 28th, 2004, 09:28 AM
Senior Member
First Mate
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 429
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Hi Sue,

I completely agree with joelin. You and your DH need to be unified. I don't think anyone on this thread is suggesting you throw your daughter out, but what I think we are saying is get her the help she needs. Sometimes people can't see that they even need help until reality slaps them in the face Sue, and that's what it sounds like your daughter needs. Hitting you or anybody is not acceptable behavior, and at this point in her life she is a danger to the baby as well. The point is that the situation won't improve on it's own, it never does, but if you can get her help then it is much more likely that she can get through her problems and be able to care for the baby. As I said yesterday, many prayers are headed your way, and I would encourage you and your DH to work together to help the family.

__________________
ms Zuiderdam - May 2006

Carnival Mardi Gras - July 1991
RCCL Viking Serenade - November 1994
Carnival Pride - September 2004
Reply With Quote
  #27 (permalink)  
Old July 28th, 2004, 12:10 PM
MichelleP's Avatar
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: sunny Orlando, Florida
Posts: 3,362
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Sue, I'm sorry to hear that you and your family are going through such trying times. I will be keeping you in my prayers, as so many of us on the boards are doing. When you think about how many people out there are praying for you - and I'm sure there are many who read this thread but didn't reply - I hope you will feel encouraged. We're all here for you. Please keep us posted.

Cheers,
Michelle P.

__________________

Reply With Quote
  #28 (permalink)  
Old July 28th, 2004, 01:21 PM
pg. pg. is offline
Senior Member
Yeoman
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 809
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Sue , You have mentioned your faith, and that your husbands faith says he can't turn his back on her. I agree. But. The bible does say to respect your parents. Hitting you is not respect. Your daughter NEEDS to be held accountable for her behaviour, we can't stand by and watch someone sin and say nothing. As christians we are to try and point out ( with love) the path that she is following is wrong. This should have been done a long time ago. Your daughter saying she loves you but does not respect you is a huge slap in the face. I feel awful for you. I too have one child in particular( who is much younger) who is ( and alwyas has been ) difficult to parent. He is so much work!! It is tempting to throw in the towel sometimes, but of course we love him, so we keep on trying.
We have let him fall on his face though, we fight the temptaion to " protect " him( from himself) and we do believe in learning through natural consquesenses.
Unfortunately your daughter now has a child, and that child should not have to suffer because his mommy is not in control of her behaviour.

I sincerely hope that someone will be able to give you some good advise that will enable you and your hubby to follow through with a good plan of action. Don't just put up with crap, it serves no one , and helps no one.

Goodluck and remember the Lord walks with us when we go through trials, god bless.
Reply With Quote
  #29 (permalink)  
Old July 28th, 2004, 05:50 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: My GPS says 12 ft. above 6 ft. under!
Posts: 7,272
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Just remember Sue, when you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror you are seeing the only person who decides how happy you will be today.

Prayers for you and your husband.

Regards,
Thomas
Reply With Quote
  #30 (permalink)  
Old July 28th, 2004, 06:55 PM
Senior Member
Yeoman
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 565
Default Re: Please I need Help....

Sue,
Even Christians are allowed to show their children tough love. You are not turning your back on her by trying to get her help. If the only way help comes to her is by putting her out of your home, then it is not anti-spiritual. After all, you are doing this out of love for her and her son. And you have offered to help care for the baby. You are not throwing them both out. Keep your courage and faith up and keep reminding her that you are not doing this to hurt her but to help her.

Luanne

Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:23 AM.
design by: Themes by Design

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.1