Go Back   CruiseMates Cruise Community and Forums > People > Chit - Chat for Cruisers
Register Forgot Password?

Chit - Chat for Cruisers Open Forum for non-cruise posts. Please refrain from inflammatory rhetoric that could be considered offensive. We reserve the right to edit or delete for any reason.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old April 3rd, 2003, 09:35 AM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,988
Default No Manners-Chapter two

Today is the final RSVP date for Andrea's wedding invitations. We currently count roughly 40 invited guests who have not had the courtesy to send back the prestamped,
preaddressed response card. About six have let us know verbally of their intentions (several admitting to "losing" the invitation). Gram wonders how they will know where the church and reception are, when and how to get there, without the invitations. I say they will figure it out, but, each no show included in the final count would buy me a day at sea. (funny how I think of everything in terms of a cruise). 30 of the no responses "belong" to the groom. He does not want us contacting them to confirm their status. Most are his coworkers. We will presume they are not coming , make no provision for them in the seating and instruct the caterer to turn them away at the door. I've done this wedding thing twice before. Never had one single problem with this type of lack of manners.
Anybody have any suggestions about how to word a "follow up".Gram says I can't send a note that says,"well stupid, are you coming or not?".
By the way, this is a white collar, professional crowd that should know better.
For those of you who "know" me, I take this stuff all in stride. I'm writing this to share the "adventure" and hear your thoughts. I wish I could invite you all. It would probably be a better party.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2 (permalink)  
Old April 3rd, 2003, 10:07 AM
MichelleM
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: No Manners-Chapter two

Since most of them are the groom's friends and co-workers see if he will send them a quick e-mail explaining to them that the caterer really does need an exact count and he just needs to know if they are coming.

Most people who aren't married and have never been through the wedding planning process realize how important an exact count is and that you can't just re-arrange and accommidate someone who decides to come at the last minute. Hate to say it but especially single guys.

Good luck. That number is pretty common, we also had about 30 people that decided not to respond. I had my husband and his mom call their people that didn't respond and I and my mom called our people that didn't respond and just said something like.

"Hi (stupid muttered under your breath). I'm sure it totally slipped your mind but we haven't received your response card yet and we need to give the catarer a final count this friday. No pressure but we do need to know if you are coming."

Most people readily admitted they had lost the cards and it had just slipped their mind to call, but only 2 of those 30 did end up coming (as they said on the phone). So you are pretty good in your thinking just to take them as no's.
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old April 3rd, 2003, 11:18 AM
Donna's Avatar
Moderator
Admiral
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: on my computer
Posts: 26,395
Send a message via AIM to Donna
Default Re: No Manners-Chapter two

Hi Bill,
I agree with Michelle and have the groom contact these co-workers and find out their exact status. My son-in-law actually did a lot of those kinds of calls when we were in the same boat. We ended up with 4 people that did respond that they would come, but didn't. One couple had a family emergency, the other, we never knew, they never sent a note or gift??? I know you'd hate to have to pay for a few dinners that don't get eaten, I figure we were lucky with just 4, but you know thats a few hundred dollars these days???

Do, keep us up to date on this situation.

__________________

Message Boards Moderator
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old April 3rd, 2003, 11:22 AM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Palmer, Massachusetts
Posts: 12,716
Default Re: No Manners-Chapter two

since most of them are the groom's co-worker's i agree that a quick e-mail from the groom would be the way to go. Word it simply- Andrea & caterer need final head count by Friday are you coming, yes or no. It always amazes me how many people don't know what RSVP means, i think it should be changed to RSVPS (respondez-vous sil's vous plait, stupid)
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old April 3rd, 2003, 12:11 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 4,017
Default Re: No Manners-Chapter two

What's funny is that the groom does not want these people to be contacted. Hopefully he will have no objection to sending out a quick e-mail himself, like everyone's suggested. If he does object, just turn 'em away at the door and blame him if they ask why.

Cheers,
Michelle B.


Land Cruise, Britain and Belgium



Post Edited (04-03-03 12:59)
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now posting as MichelleP.
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old April 3rd, 2003, 12:37 PM
Senior Member
Cruise Maniac
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 211
Default Re: No Manners-Chapter two

I guess you couldn't send out ANOTHER note to the non-resonders saying something to the effect: "We understand you are unable to make it, sorry we won't see you there"? Or would that leave too much leeway in case they decide that morning that a wedding sounds like fun?

We just celebrated our 4th anniversary. We invited about 100 family and friends. Many were co-workers. I'd just ask them "hey, you going to be there or not?" Not that it was that big of a deal - we were quite casual with a bar-b-que. We had enough food for all invited guests and sent home leftovers with people who did come. My husband's sister never sent back the card (5 guests there) or called. We found out she couldn't (wouldn't?) make the 6 hour drive via the other sister. Some people are totally clueless.

Suzi

PS: by the way, we ended up with about 65 guests.
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old April 3rd, 2003, 01:12 PM
susancruzs
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: No Manners-Chapter two

I was almost in this category myself even though I know it is the pitts trying to plan food, etc. and then have a bunch of no shows!

I left on my cruise and remembered I forgot to mail the reply to a May 4th wedding in Phoenix! Sure enough when I got home, it was on the hutch, sealed, ready to mail!!!

I did have a panic call from my friend, saying we need to plan for the caterer, are you coming or not!!! I called and sent the reply, which was due April 1st. When I talked to him, he said he they were calling or emailing the "no replies" and the majority were people at their work places!!!

Same situation, people you think would have manners! :-)

Susie
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old April 3rd, 2003, 02:06 PM
Kuki's Avatar
Moderator
Admiral
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Right here :)
Posts: 22,381
Send a message via AIM to Kuki
Default Re: No Manners-Chapter two

Bill... I'm surprised the groom doesn't want "his people" contacted to find out if they're coming or not. Perhaps he'd be more interested if he was paying.

I'd suggest dropping a note, or e mail..
Perhaps your reply card went astray, as we haven't received it. Do you think you'll be able to join us for the celebration?

A couple of years back we had sort of the opposite happen for my son's Bar Mitzvah.
People who replied they wouldn't be attending, showed up, looking for their table placement cards. Luckily I did have a list with me, and some open space at tables for them to join.

__________________
C U @ C,
Kuki
CruiseMates' Staff Writer
- The Kuki Side of Cruising-
A new Blog post every Wednesday
http://www.cruisemates.com/blog/author/kuki/
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old April 3rd, 2003, 03:46 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,238
Default Re: No Manners-Chapter two

Yeech.

This is not a "beef & beer" at the local pool hall. Planning a wedding is BIG work. (I know more than I want to know as I write for brides' mags as well as cruise mags.)

Each guest couple for a reasonable wedding probably costs out at around $100. For the fancy ones, a heck of a lot more.

Maybe the thing to do is issue little admission cards to those who HAVE responded ??? Then have a bouncer for those who didn't?

Hmm. This may be worth a story.

Back in the day, people didn't NEED those pre-stamped response cards. They knew enough to write a proper response. These days, they can't even FIND the darned things.

I'm currently wondering about a wedding invitation on my desk where the bride's parents are doing the inviting but the bride and groom (who live in the same place) are to be advised about the responses.

Weird. Very.
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old April 3rd, 2003, 05:27 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,988
Default Re: Re: No Manners-Chapter two

This is engraved invitations to a black tie wedding, etc etc etc. This one subject only touches the tip of the iceberg of the "stuff" going on behind the scenes here. Pamda, maybe when it's all over I'll talk into a tape machine while sitting on the balcony of the Legend and dictate notes for a combination story of my Big Fat Greek Wedding meets Father of the Bride , meets its a Mad Mad Mad Mad World, Meets Le Cage E Folle.
By the way, I only wish the Couples were costing $100. Individual guests are MORE than that.
Reply With Quote
  #11 (permalink)  
Old April 3rd, 2003, 07:19 PM
selke
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: No Manners-Chapter two

I used to check out this website quite frequently. Now every blue moon I look at the posts and remember why I don't bother with this site anymore.
It seem it is just concerned with stuff that has nothing to do with cruising.
What the heck do RSVPs to wedding invitations have to do with anything nautical?
This is beyond ridiculous.
You can all crucify me(and I'm sure you will) but why don't you get back to what this site was originally created for?
Remember cruising???!!!

Selke
Reply With Quote
  #12 (permalink)  
Old April 3rd, 2003, 07:46 PM
Donna's Avatar
Moderator
Admiral
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: on my computer
Posts: 26,395
Send a message via AIM to Donna
Default Re: Re: No Manners-Chapter two

Hi Selke,
This specific board is the place for some off-topic posts such as these, thats why we have this board, hopefully you will not find topics like these in other "cruise" related boards here at Cruisemates. If you see OT in some of the subjects, then you'll know that it may not be a cruising topic and you can skip it. You will find all kinds of subjects discussed here, and this one has seemed to touch a lot of us, so it just continues...

I think you will find the rest of the Cruisemates boards to deal directly with cruising..

__________________

Message Boards Moderator
Reply With Quote
  #13 (permalink)  
Old April 3rd, 2003, 07:49 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Orlando
Posts: 4,424
Send a message via AIM to Angela Z.
Default Re: No Manners-Chapter two

this is what I love about the chit chat for cruisers area! I have learned so much from this niche.
Angela Z., who is hoping that Papa Bill will be available for wedding planner commando consulting duty in several years when my daughter marries!
Reply With Quote
  #14 (permalink)  
Old April 3rd, 2003, 08:03 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,238
Default Re: No Manners-Chapter two

Why is it, I wonder, that these rites of passage are so darned expensive? And what does a single day that costs a ton accomplish? When a wedding gown costs more than the parents' first house, it's getting out of control. My opinion, only.

I don't know that I've ever come up with a wedding gift that cost as much as what the wedding cost the parents for us to attend, and we are quite generous.

And the cost of a funeral? People don't even bring presents

I was cleaning out some files and came across the cost of my dad's funeral. Almost $20,000. And he wasn't even there to enjoy it. However, the donations that his friends gave to the charity of choice was almost $250,000 so I guess it was worth it.

No crucifixtion here, Selke. When a community builds, people talk as neighbors about all sorts of things. There seems to be plenty of cruise talk going on.
Reply With Quote
  #15 (permalink)  
Old April 4th, 2003, 08:21 AM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,988
Default Re: No Manners-Chapter two

By my count there are 21 potential topics under "cruiselines"; nine topics under "destinations"; nine more under "people" and 10 under "practical" advice.
Within each topic there are thousands of distinct threads and responses ,all are quite specific to cruising. Not to mention, articles, reviews bargain finder , photo gallery meet on board (and on and on).
In one line of one sub topic we occaisionally stray to sharing personal topics. Members of this "community" have helped each other through illness,
family issues, weddings ,births,graduations and all other personal events. We share trivia , weather , humor, messages of personal and family accomplishment and disappointment. This one line and one topic is where an ever widening group, initially brought together by at least a curiousity about cruising, chooses to get a little more personal.
Should someone choose to discontinue their participation in this board because of something I have posted, I am of course disappointed, but that is their right to do so. Participation in the free and friendly exchange on topics slightly "off" from those directly
addressing cruise topics is the reason for the chat area. Until someone tells me I should leave, I will continue to post here.
As my friends here know, it was wedding stress that led us to need and take our first cruise and that same stress will hopefully leave as the bride and groom take their honeymoon cruise and Gram and I sail down the Hudson and down to the Caribbean on Legend a few weeks later. Thank you to my friends for letting me vent here. After this wedding I will not be able to afford therapy.
Reply With Quote
  #16 (permalink)  
Old April 4th, 2003, 08:31 AM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 4,017
Default Re: No Manners-Chapter two

I agree, Pam. My parents have set a strict (and modest) budget for my wedding and we're finding that it's very difficult to stick to it. The prices the vendors charge are just silly. I've read that if you book a reception site or buy flowers without saying that they're for a wedding the prices will be reasonable, but if you mention the word "wedding" the price will actually balloon up considerably. Unfortunately this is hard to do in practice.

Here's a great book that teaches you how to have a beautiful wedding without getting ripped off by the Evil Wedding Industry. I've found it invaluable.

Still a long way to go... keep us posted, PapaBill, and we do want to see pics when it's done!

Cheers,
Michelle B.


Land Cruise, Britain and Belgium

__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now posting as MichelleP.
Reply With Quote
  #17 (permalink)  
Old April 4th, 2003, 09:02 AM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,988
Default Re: Re: No Manners-Chapter two

The word "wedding" is the secret password amoung service providers , caterers and
other vendors. It has as it's origin the following:

W equals "wow!!!, do we have this guy over a barrel or what?"
E equals "Expensive" if the word wedding is used we can double the price.
D Equals "Dollar signs" which is what vendors see when they realize you are the father
of the bride.
D
I
N
G equals "DING" the sound of bells ringing in celebration , not for the wedding, but
for the profits made by the wedding vendors.
Reply With Quote
  #18 (permalink)  
Old April 4th, 2003, 11:31 AM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: My GPS says 12 ft. above 6 ft. under!
Posts: 7,267
Default Re: No Manners-Chapter two

Why not hire a telemarketer for a few days to call them repeatedly at dinner time asking them if they are too weak to walk to their mailbox to drop a response card in the mail? They can ask the inconsiderate morons if they would like to have the same treatment when one of theirs gets married.


Regards,
Thomas
Reply With Quote
  #19 (permalink)  
Old April 4th, 2003, 11:56 AM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,988
Default Re: Re: No Manners-Chapter two

Thomas, if I send you a list would you do this for me?
Reply With Quote
  #20 (permalink)  
Old April 4th, 2003, 12:39 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,238
Default Re: No Manners-Chapter two

Thomas doesn't work for cheap, but it might get him out of his room

In an article I wrote for a brides' mag I said that I didn't allow my kids to use four-letter words in my presence. The whole world changed when my daughter started saying "Vera Wang." Now, THOSE are two SERIOUS four-letter words to the person who holds the checkbook.

I told her she could use some of the other ones if she stopped with the "V" word and the "W" word.

As it turned out, she decided NOT to marry the guy, allowing Queeg and me to go on several more cruises.
Reply With Quote
  #21 (permalink)  
Old April 4th, 2003, 01:35 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 4,017
Default Re: No Manners-Chapter two

[rant]
Honestly, I don't understand why one simply must have a designer wedding gown when one can find a dress that looks almost exactly the same for a fraction of the cost. The difference? It isn't designer. Of course, it may be of lesser quality, but really, who cares? This is a dress you're only going to wear once. No one's going to see you walking down the aisle and gasp, "Heavens to Betsy, that isn't real silk!" No one will care what the darn thing's made of, they'll just see that it's poofy and white. My mom and I set a limit of how much we wanted to spend on my gown and only looked at gowns in that price range. And surprise, even though the price was low, I had several gorgeous choices and found the gown of my dreams, under budget. It's just ridiculous to me to pay thousands of dollars for a famous-name dress that you're only going to wear once.
[/rant]

Cheers,
Michelle B.


Land Cruise, Britain and Belgium

__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now posting as MichelleP.
Reply With Quote
  #22 (permalink)  
Old April 4th, 2003, 02:23 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,988
Default Re: Re: No Manners-Chapter two

Wedding gown and brides maid dresses were actually a relative bargain. No designer
gowns (name brands yes , designer no). The expense in this part of the world comes from the reception, photographer, band, florist , limos , tuxedos, church music, invitations, favors (there's one I don't understand) thank you's , video etc etc etc. etc. etc.
The two words I dread hearing because they cost me money every time are "it's only"
Reply With Quote
  #23 (permalink)  
Old April 5th, 2003, 09:05 AM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: My GPS says 12 ft. above 6 ft. under!
Posts: 7,267
Default Re: Re: Re: No Manners-Chapter two

I'd love to PB! It's always been a dream of mine to be a telemarketer who calls telemarketers at home so calling your inconsiderate invitees would make my day. I'd make sure to use my most gravelly voice and mispronounce each one's name. Then I'd ask if they were having dinner and if not when would be the best time to call back to disturb them while they're eating. If the man of the house answered, I'd ask for the woman of the house and vice versa so to aggravate both of them.

Regards,
Thomas
Reply With Quote
  #24 (permalink)  
Old April 6th, 2003, 10:18 PM
tigercat
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: No Manners-Chapter two

Wow I remember my daughters wedding. We had 50 people not respond. We were just frantic. We finally got his side to call all of the non responsive people and we called the few from our side. On our side only 2 couples said they couldn't come. On his side alot said they weren't coming but there were several that said they were. We ended up with 25 no shows and what really made me mad was that a couple of those people were my husbands family who said just 3 days before that they were going to be there. And one of the couple had had their wedding just 2 years before and had complained about people who said they were coming and then didn't come. They also complained about people not sending in their replies??????????????? Boy am I glad that's all over. My other daughter eloped and I just have a son left.
tigercat
Reply With Quote
  #25 (permalink)  
Old April 7th, 2003, 08:07 AM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 4,017
Default Re: No Manners-Chapter two

I guess there are just some insensitive people out there. But, like MichelleM said, if they haven't ever planned a wedding they have no idea how much it will cost the host if they say they'll show up and then don't (or vice versa).

But how hard is it to check a box on a pre-stamped, pre-addressed reply card and stick it in the mailbox? {sigh}

Cheers,
Michelle B.


Land Cruise, Britain and Belgium

__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now posting as MichelleP.
Reply With Quote
  #26 (permalink)  
Old April 7th, 2003, 11:19 AM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,988
Default Re: Re: No Manners-Chapter two

At this point, 4 days beyond the RSVP date, there are 18 guests who have not replied.
We are sending out a "cute" follow up to some. The groom insists we do not contact his business associates that make up the bulk of the no responses. He will contact them.
As I said, No Manners. As Michelle B said" how hard can it be.......? It isn't ,that's why I don't understand.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Miss Manners green_rd All Things Cruising 3 December 30th, 2010 11:01 AM
People with no manners! FL33139 Travel Gripes! 11 May 22nd, 2004 08:54 PM
Parents/Kids manners illiniandy Chit - Chat for Cruisers 18 April 22nd, 2004 05:50 PM
No Manners PapaBill Chit - Chat for Cruisers 17 March 27th, 2003 10:53 PM
manners classes LisaK Travel Gripes! 1 December 5th, 2002 03:56 PM


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:19 AM.
design by: Themes by Design

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.1