Here's a little something for all you moms and grandmoms out there for Mothers' Day!
The Signs of Advanced Motherhood
Maybe it starts when you realize rock concerts give you a headache. Or that you're ofering to cut up other people's food. Or you catch yourself ending a discussion with, "Because I'm the mother, that's why!"
You've reached a new level of motherhood. All the warning signs are there. You know you've crossed the threshold into advanced mommydom when:
You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your son's favourite toy car and made him cry.
You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
Your child throws up and you catch it.
Someone else's kid throws up at a party and you keep eating.
You consider finger paint a controlled substance.
You've mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.
Your child insists that you read Once Upon a Potty out loud in the lobby of Grand Central Station, and you do it.
You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child bites his toast into the shape of a gun.
You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats.
You convince your child that FAO Schwartz is a toy museum, not a store.
You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.
You hate the thought of his wife even more.
You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into unusual shapes.
You fast forward through the scene when the hunter shoots Bambi's mother.