A LETTER TO YOUR PET
> > >>Dear Dogs and Cats,
> > >>When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch
> > >>positions with each other so there are still two of you in the
> > >>
> > >>The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.
> > >>other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a
> > >>paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim
> > >>for it becoming your
> > >>food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
> > >>slightest.
> > >>
> > >>The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
> > >>Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
> > >>help
> > >>because I fall faster than you can run.
> > >>
> > >>I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry
> > >>about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to
> > >>ensure your
> > >>comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can
> > >>actually
> > >>curl up
> > >>in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
> > >>stretched
> > >>out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
> > >>straight
> > >>out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space
> > >>used is nothing but sarcasm.
> > >>My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
> > >>
> > >>For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
> > >>by
> > >>some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it
> > >>is
> > >>not
> > >>necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your
> > >>paw under
> > >>the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
> > >>same
> > >>door
> > >>I entered. In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years -
> > >>canine or
> > >>feline attendance is not mandatory.
> > >>
> > >>The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cat's
> > >>butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple
> > >>for you.
> > >>To pacify you, I have posted the following message on our front
> > >>door..... Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain
> > >>about our pets:
> > >>1. They live here. You don't.
> > >>2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
> > >>furniture.
> > >>3. I like my pet better than I like most people.
> > >>4. To you it's an animal. To me he/she is an adopted son/daughter
> > >>who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
> > >>5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask
> > >>money all the time, and are easier to train. They usually come
> > >>called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using
> > >>friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest
> > >>fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars
> > >>for college, and if they get
> > >>pregnant, you can sell the results.
> > >>
> > >>Pass this on to all your pet loving friends, and to non-pet lovers
> > >>also.
Thanks for the laugh. If I show this to Miss Lilly maybe she will allow me to have another inch of pillow tonight.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.“
That is so funny. I will have to show the bit about sharing the bed to our dog. He sometimes sleeps stretched across the bed and hubby and I are hanging on the edge trying not to fall out of bed. We don't really want to move our furry son because he looks so comfy, but we do. Then he puts his head on my pillow and sleeps like the furry person that he is.
Great Donna! My stepson recently complained because my dog (the lovely Cindy Lou Who, our Boston Terrier) STARED at him while ate.
Let's review: YOU have the yummy people food, she has the yucky dog food. She's learned that if she stares someone will usually take pity and give her a nibble.....
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I LOVE this. My dogs have almost killed me many times trying to beat me to the bottom of the steps (why DO they do that)? And you haven't LIVED till you've tried to sleep with two 100 pound labs stretched out in a queen size bed (as I do each night)! You have described my life with my dogs (Bear and Moose) to a tee and I wouldnt have it any other way.
hahaha I cant say anything, the tears from the laughter are flowing down my cheeks, down my arms to my fingertips so i can hardly type, this is the funniest thing I have ever read, and is it SO true!!!