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  #1 (permalink)  
Old November 23rd, 2004, 11:15 AM
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Default Raising Male Children

RAISING MALE CHILDREN

a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...

Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft. house 4
inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by
a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too
late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old
Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCRs do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not
like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or
without kids.

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Old November 23rd, 2004, 11:36 AM
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Default Re: Raising Male Children

I am raising 3 male children, and can attest that much of this is true, I have seen it with my own eyes!!

Good Day, everyone!
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Old November 23rd, 2004, 11:37 AM
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Default Re: Raising Male Children

This is hilarious, (my son is 23)! HAHA,
Nancy

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Old November 23rd, 2004, 11:44 AM
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Default Re: Raising Male Children

Ah yes,
As the mother of 5 and 10 year old boys. Uh hunh and a few more too! Never tell a ten year old something can't happen . He will make it happen. Oranges are a good replacement for baseballs here in Fl. Citric acid is a wonderful thing to clean off windows. Math problem: how many oranges will it take to displace the water in a swimming pool. Also, paint does'nt wash off a cat easily.
Anne
Ours try mostly to see what floats and what does not.

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Old November 23rd, 2004, 01:07 PM
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Default Re: Raising Male Children

I fall in the 20%....... I mixed the brake fluid & clorox years ago also clorox & baking soda, clorox & ammonia; clorox &.... oh well you get the picture

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Old November 23rd, 2004, 01:20 PM
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Default Re: Raising Male Children

It isn't limited to male children even though my son is the mad scientist in the family and has almost set fire to the house on three occasions. None of them were malicious but they were projects gone wrong. He has to figure out why something works or doesn't. He also did the parachute thing off the house with a bed sheet. That resulted in a broken arm.

My daughter on the other hand could be the one with the voice that could wake the dead; swallow the Leggo; would investigate why you can't mix a base and an acid and other things. The worst thing you could tell her is that something couldn't be done. The best thing was to tell her what would happen if you did something and then give her a controlled demonstration. She is now all grown up and still, she rarely takes no for an answer.

I on the other had was a sedate child who gained my knowledge from books and never gave my parents any problems. :-)

Take care,
Mike(Who once again, needs to find out why his nose keeps growing)

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Old November 23rd, 2004, 01:22 PM
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Default Re: Raising Male Children

That is so funny and soooooooo true...I could probably add another 30 but I dont want to give any of your sons or daughters any ideas incase they should accidently read it..

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Old November 23rd, 2004, 09:00 PM
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Default Re: Raising Male Children

I've seen that before, but it was great fun to read it again. Unfortunately, it's all so very true, and not necessarily limited to boys!

donna

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Old November 24th, 2004, 05:05 AM
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Default Re: Raising Male Children

This brought back memories.......my son is 24 now.

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Old November 24th, 2004, 07:08 AM
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Default Re: Raising Male Children

My boys are now 33 and 35. I was a working mother, so heaven knows what they did when I wasn't there, when they reached elementary school age-the first of the latchkey children revolution. I know one lit candles up in the attic of our Queen Anne style house, with his friend. He used to count the Little King beers his father had in the refrigerator, so they could be replaced before they were missed.
I think the one thing I can remember that almost sent me into a stroke was the time when I took both of them to the beauty parlor with me. They were like 3 and 5. There I was sitting in my chair with the beautician trying to style my hair or something, and the two boys had gotten over to the shampoo basin and turned on the water and the rinse hose! I could feel the vein in my neck pop out,as I couldn't get to them fast enough. No more beauty shop trips for them! MY CHOICE.
They are all grown up now-not married yet-not for the lack of girlfriends.But, Trevor has 4 adult children so we have the "pleasure" of "enjoying" the "antics" of the grandchildren on that side! I can probably say without contradiction, that my son-in-law's now 8 year old, hyper active son, has tried most of the things on the list.He even got our golf cart in gear when he was about 5 and almost ran over Trevor!!!

Have a great day! Lynne

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Old November 24th, 2004, 10:59 AM
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Default Re: Raising Male Children

Too funny Lynne! My stepson once microwaved a GI Joe....it was grisly...

Got a dust bunny..now where are those roller blades....

dorothy

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Old November 24th, 2004, 07:02 PM
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Default Re: Raising Male Children

If we all think enough, I'm sure that we can come up with some real good stories,Dorothy! Lynne

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Old November 24th, 2004, 07:35 PM
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Default Re: Raising Male Children

Two of our boys went in the bathroom one day and stuffed TP in the space heater(which was not on)..then lit it with matches..they said they were cold. AND one of those boys dropped a potato in the toilet one day..had to disassemble the whole thing to get it out.

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