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  #1 (permalink)  
Old December 4th, 2004, 09:13 AM
rollerdonna's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Caribou River, Nova Scotia
Posts: 17,607
Default Hollywood Squares Zingers

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares
> >and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions
> >and answers are from the days when"Hollywood Squares" game show responses
> >were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are
> >now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
> >
> >
> >1. Q. Do female frogs croak?
> >A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads
> >under water long enough.
> >
> >2. Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump,
> >at least how high should you be?
> >A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking
> >should do it.
> >
> >3. Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as
> >5,000 years.
> >A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way
> >sometimes.
> >
> >4. Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep.
> >Are you probably a man or a woman?
> >A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me
> >awake.
> >
> >5. Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger
> >at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it
> >okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
> >A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
> >
> >6. Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish
> >as you get older?
> >A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
> >
> >7. Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three
> >words to say "I Love You"?
> >A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a
> >pineapple and a twenty.
> >
> >8. Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I
> >Can't Get Enough"?
> >A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming
> >from the next apartment.
> >
> >9. Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture
> >more or less with your hands while talking?
> >A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old
> >question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never
> >forget.
> >
> >10. Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
> >A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too
> >easily.
> >
> >11. Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow
> >strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first
> >year?
> >A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy
> >growing strawberries.
> >
> >12. Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
> >A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
> >
> >13. Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss
> >two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is
> >the other?
> >A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
> >
> >14. Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the
> >bedroom or in the closet?
> >A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always
> >safe in the bedroom.
> >
> >15. Q.! Can boys join the Campfire Girls?
> >A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
> >
> >16. Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag
> >his tail. What will a goose do?
> >A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
> >
> >17. Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what
> >would you give birth to?
> >A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be
> >afraid of the dark.
> >
> >18. Q. According to Ann Landers, is there
> >anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a
> >lot of people?
> >A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
> >
> >19. Q. It is the most abused and neglected part
> >of your body, what is it?
> >A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it
> >certainly isn't neglected.
> >
> >20. Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa
> >put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
> >A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
> >
> >21. Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of
> >time, your wife or your elephant?
> >A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
> >
> >22. Q. When a couple have a baby, who is
> >responsible for its sex?
> >A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the
> >rest is up to him.
> >
> >23. Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he
> >firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at
> >least two occasions. What are they?
> >A. Charley Weaver: His feet
> >
> >24. Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two
> >things you should never do in bed?
> >A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh

donna (who misses the old Hollywood Squares)
> >

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  #2 (permalink)  
Old December 4th, 2004, 10:47 AM
dan p
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Hollywood Squares Zingers

You are right ,you dont hear things like that antmore.Thanks for the laughs.
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  #3 (permalink)  
Old December 4th, 2004, 11:40 AM
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Columbus, Oh.
Posts: 2,183
Default Re: Hollywood Squares Zingers

I was a big fan of Paul Lynde. I even took a date to see him in the Kenley production of "The Impossible Yeas" and was able to get his autograph for my girlfriend, backstage. He is buried in a cemetary just down the road from the home of my cousin in Lynde's home town of Mt. Vernon.

I think his funniest Hollywood zinger was to the question: "How much will your sex change operation cost?" His answer: "Don't tell--it's a secret!"

My second favorite was a Lynde and Weaver running gag. When Peter Marshall asked him a question, Lynde said, "How should I know, Beaver face?" Later in that same program, when Peter asked Charlie Weaver a question, Weaver responded, "Go build yourself a dam and leave me alone."

Lynde also had some funny moments as Samantha's uncle on "Bewitched." He first appeared in an early episode as Sam's driving instructor, who was so nervous, his doctor prescribed tranquilizers in large wafer form. When he later appeared as her warlock uncle, he was in a family picture calling, "Help! I've been framed!"

Certainly a funny, funny fellow.

I may dwell on the land, but I live at sea!


Sensation 2/03 I disembarked, but never really left the ship.
Enchantment 9/03 Just had to go back.
Inspiration 3/04 Just have to go back again, and again, and again...
Sensation 04/05 The vessel made me do it!
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  #4 (permalink)  
Old December 4th, 2004, 12:18 PM
Cruznut2's Avatar
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Lakeland FL
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Default Re: Hollywood Squares Zingers

Really funny, Thanks for the laugh Donna.


“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.“
---Mark Twain

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beaverface, bewitched, framed, funniest, hollwood, hollywood, ive, lynde, paul, square, squares, zingers

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