Memo to the Family Dog and Cat
>1. When I say move, it means go someplace else. It does not mean switch
> positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
>2. The dishes on the floor are yours and contain your food. All other
>dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note: placing a paw print
>in the middle of my dinner does not stake your claim on it, nor do I find
>it aesthetically pleasing in any way.)
>3. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
>Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
>because I fall faster than you can run.
>4. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. Locate your inner
>beast and remember that sleeping animals can actually curl up in a ball,
>so it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out
>to the fullest extent possible.
>5. My cd's are not miniature Frisbees.
>6. For the last time, humans like to use the bathroom alone. If by some
>miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it won't help
>to claw, whine, meow, bite the knob, or get your paw under the edge and
>try to pull the door open. (Trust me. I have been using the bathroom for
>years... canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)
>7. When you see me asleep on the couch, it is not funny to make a
>sudden leap onto my stomach and drop a chew toy, bone or jingle ball on
>my crotch, no matter how much that makes other family members laugh.
>8. Dog: Don't think for a minute that making a sad face and whimpering
>pathetically will get you out of trouble when I find a puddle of pee on the
>carpet. The face and the whimpering only validate that you knew it was
>wrong when you did it.
>9. Cat: My sitting down to bite into a juicy sandwich is not a signal for
>you to begin gagging loudly and then hocking up the most disgusting
>hairball in history.
>10. Dog and Cat: The proper order is kiss me, then go lick yourself. I
>cannot stress this enough.
donna (owner of a dog and a cat!)