Have you ever snitched on someone? I am so torn about something. The short version is, my friend is separated from her husband for the past three months. He claims he has no income, because he is disabled (which is a lie). I recently found out he is working. I don't want to get involved in this mess, but its making me crazy. I want to tell her but just can't. Should I "snitch"?
OH forgot to mention, there are two children, which thru out the 13 year marriage he never worked or helped with bills. (yeah she is crazy I think). Worst part the husband is my cousin. Ugh not a nice person at all, I could write a book on what he has done to everyone.
He truely thinks he does not need to give her any money to help out with bills and kids. So I know if it was found out he was working, they would take the money out of his pay check for child support.
We are not in grade school anymore so snitching is no longer a mortal sin.
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Can you send her a note in the mail telling her about him working so you won't be caught in the middle? I learned the hard way to stay out of family situations. It cost me the friendship of 2 great people. It is strange how bad one person can be treated by another but then they get back together with that person and it is not longer so bad. All of a sudden they have a memory lapse. I listen and support but offer no advise and never say a negative word about the other person. I try to stay far far away from feuding couples.
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Is there a private investigator involved, an attorney or a court appointed "someone"? This would be difficult...........I'd go through a professional and you could be an unknown source...........if this isn't available, you've got to think about what your decision would mean to everyone 5 years from now, not just today while emotions are running high. You also need a pray about this and ask what God's will would be..............
I think you should tell her. I HAD a very dear long time friend (18 years), who's husband was having an affair. I find out about the affair and didn't tell her. I thought I should mind my own business. When she found about the afffair and that I knew about it, needless to say, we are no longer friends. She was mad at me for not telling her. From that time on, I always SNITCH.
you are in a no win situation..plus you may not know the "whole deal"...I would stay out of it..of course you could always call the producers of the tv show 'Cheaters" and they could snitch for you (smile)
tough call, if my friendship was very very strong, I would tell my friend, but be prepared to lose a friend
I agree with Lisa, he is breaking the law, and guess who supports his disability payments , we the tax payers do. A nice anonymous call to workers comp. will get to the bottom of his nofarious actions .
give the free loading bastard his just deserts, if he is disabled, he is collecting from the government, or collecting state assistance, might be working off the books. you may feel uncomfortable telling your friend, but if there are children involved i would have no reservations telling her, the ball is in your court
This man is essentially stealing from his children. He is literally taking the food out of their mouths. I would definitely let your friend or her attorney know (even if it is anonymously). My sister works for the State and works in child support enforcement, I can tell you she takes great joy in going after deadbeat parents, things will go much better and easier on him if his little secret is discovered now as opposed to later. If he helped to create these children then there is no reason that he should not share in supporting them, job or not. Your friend is having to shoulder the burden alone and that is not fair. It would sure be interesting if someone got a video of this guy "on the job". Its sometimes hard to do the right thing, but thank goodness people listen to their conscience.
Oh for crying out loud. If this is a legal matter and someone is breaking the law then reporting it is your duty. (It isn't snitching in the adult world). If it is just civil then don't meddle and MYOB. You might say that I made my living from 'snitching' on people. It's called being a police officer. I just reported it, what they did in the judicial system was not up to me.
Thank you all for the advice...seems I should tell on him so she can get childsupport. Now here is my second problem...and I know it probably sounds stupid.
But what if they start taking money from his pay and he goes "nuts" about it and hurts her or someone.....he is a very unstable person. I am so worried about everything for her. And if i snitch and something dreadful happens I would never be able to live with it.
So what you are saying is you feel that there is the possibility of violence if this low brow scum is forced to:
a) follow the laws that everyone else does , ie not collect benefits for which he is NOT entiltled, and
b) support his own children
Well that does make it difficult, but still, if he is breaking the law then it ISN"T "snitching" in fact the fact that you used that term is a bit offensive to me.
The word "snitching" is used by crimminals and kids who ARE doing wrong.
You are NOT snitching, so don't even fall into that trap, as Jim said, you are doing your civic duty. And as serveral posters pointed out, you can do that anon. and not be directly involved.
I guess there are still the what ifs, but if you really feel the man is that unstable then he could come unhinged at anything.
PS Aren't there any respectable men folks in your family that could go and talk to this cretin and get him to care about his own kids? Jerks like him will sometimes not listen to anyone but another man whom they like and respect.
BTW Aren't these children who are being ripped off your neices and nephews? No one trashes me or mine !
" He claims he has no income, because he is disabled (which is a lie). ..... Mary Margaret.
Good grief people! You have run off the deep end with this already and claimed he is breaking the law, stealing money from taxpayers, "literally taking food out of his childrens mouths" (I suppose you meant figuratively), he's a dead beat parent, "collecting benefits for which he is not entitled, etc., etc. etc.
Grab a hold of yourselves and stop the rumor mongering. All she said was: "He claims he has no income, because he is disabled."
Now, where in those words do you see he is collecting undeserved taxpayer disability money????? Where in those words do you see he is breaking the law????? Where in those words do you see he's a dead beat parent (let the court impose child support payments on him first, then he can be a dead beat parent if he doesn't pay).
For your information, many people are entitled to disability payments from an employer and still able to hold a job of some sorts. All you need for most company provided disability payments is a disability which prevents you from doing a comparable job for comparable pay at the company. For instance, if your job required you to color match panels of paint to designated standards and you became color blind and could no longer do the job, you could collect disability from this job. But you could still get another job outside the company. Your disability payments would supplement what you lost in decreased wages from your original salary.
This happens all the time, and Mary Margaret said NOTHING about him collecting any money for his disability whatsoever. In fact, he claims he has no income because he is disabled, which says to me his wife would know he is not collecting any disability money, but doesn't know he is collecting a paycheck.
Thomas you are so right!
He is not collecting disability, and if he was the children would automatically receive payment from disability income, beacuse they would be entitled to it, even if he did not like it.
He actually applied for disability but got turned down two times. So now that he has a job, he can not collect any disability money. Cause the bad back he says he has, is no longer bad, since he can work all day. I guess in due time his wife will notify the right people and they will attach his salary, and he can not do anything about it. Ugh I hate dead beat parents. I hate myself for not turning him in....just something nagging at me not to do it!
Thomas, if he is using his disability to get out of supporting his own children while actually earning a paycheck then he is a dead beat parent, I don't feel it is necessary to have a court issue a judgement or garnish his wages to consider him an official deadbeat. In some cases people pay child support because they know their children have needs that have to be met and it is not necessary for the courts to impose support payments. If the man claims he has no income while drawing a paycheck in order to avoid paying child support, he's a deadbeat in my book. A court declaration is not necessary.
Kids are expensive, the burden of financial support should not just fall on one parent. If the mother lost her job would it be acceptable for her to let the kids starve or go without clothes? If he has a job he should definitely be paying support and not weaselling out of it. He's a deadbeat. He should spare the taxpayer's the expense of forcing him to support his own children (yes this does cost taxpayers money). The message he is sending his kids is very sad.