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Old May 3rd, 2005, 04:07 PM
HappyCruiser383's Avatar
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Oregon - Southern
Posts: 584
Default Police Funny

Cops say the darndest things! The following were taken off of actual
>car videos around the country.
>"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
>out after you wear them awhile."
>"Take your hands off the car, or I'll make your birth certificate a
>worthless document."
>"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
>"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't
>know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."
>"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can
>write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
>"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
>will help. Oh.... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
>"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
>again or I'll give you another ticket."
>"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk
>or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
>"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go
>to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
>"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
>"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
>"Just how big were those two beers?"
>"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now
>we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
>"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of
>yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
>And the best one...
>"You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're right, we
>don't. Sign here."-
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  #2 (permalink)  
Old May 3rd, 2005, 05:59 PM
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2000
Posts: 7,346
Default Re: Police Funny

Those are so common and old. Heck, I used a number of them and quite a few more over 20 years ago. <G> We actually do have a sense of humor but it is a bit strange. <>

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  #3 (permalink)  
Old May 4th, 2005, 12:26 AM
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Illinois
Posts: 493
Default Re: Police Funny

But officer...I was only going one way <G>
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  #4 (permalink)  
Old May 4th, 2005, 01:06 AM
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Glendale, AZ
Posts: 518
Default Re: Police Funny

Those were great. Let me see if I can condense this story.
An officer stops a guy for speeding after chasing him for several miles.
"But Officer," the man begins.
But before he can continue the officer hold out his hand to stop him, " You know I'm in a really good mood today and I really don't want to write this ticket. I think I've heard every exuse there is there is for why you were speeding, but I'll tell you what, I'm going to my car to run your license and tags and when I get done I'm going to come and listen to your exuse. If it is something I have never heard before I'm going to let you go with a warning. "
So after several minutes the officers says, "Okay, I'm ready "
"Well, Sir," the gentleman began, Six months ago my wife ran off with a Highway Patrol Officer and when I looked up and saw your lights in my rear view mirror , I was afraid he was trying to bring her back."
The officer let him go.


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Old May 4th, 2005, 03:20 AM
Lombard's Avatar
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: NewZealand
Posts: 2,559
Default Re: Police Funny

LMAO Susan.
Didn't see that coming!

Post Edited (05-04-05 02:47)
Liam B
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