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Old June 7th, 2005, 07:44 AM
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Default need some advice--Please help

Need some family advice. I'll try to keep this short but explain the situation.

Every year for the past 15 years, we have a cookout and watch the town Flag Day Parade. This year the date is June 12th. One month ago we had friends asking us if it was on again this year. We said of course and that invitations were going out the following week. About 10 people were already invited at this point via word of mouth. The day I sent invitations, via e-mail and snail mail, we got an invitation to my niece's graduation party in New Hampshire for the same day. Needless to say, my husband's family will be going to the graduation party. We told my sister-in-law that we wouldn't be there because of our cookout and that we had already invited people. On the phone, she said no problem she understood. Well, yesterday we got a nasty note in the mail from her basically accusing us of ignoring our niece (who is also our goddaughter) and planning the cookout after the fact. My DH and I were very hurt by the note.

My question, WHAT DO WE DO? Go on with our original plans, cancel our cookout and go to the graduation party, have my DH go to the graduation party (it's his side) and I run the cookout? PLEASE HELP, IT'S THIS WEEKEND.

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Old June 7th, 2005, 07:56 AM
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Default Re: need some advice--Please help

When we are ever in this sort of situation we find a way to do both. Shorten the cookout, move it up or back a few hours, have it at somebody else's house which is near the graduation party, something. Go to the graduation party but leave early, or arrive late. Some sort of combination that allows you to do both.

If that's not possible ask somebody else to host the cookout this year and tell them you will do your best to attend. Let them know, and everyone whose invited to the cookout, what the circumstances are.

If it's up to me though, a graduation party or a cookout is not all that important in the grand scheme of life and I would blow one of them off if I couldn't do a little of both and NOT feel bad about it.

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Thomas
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Old June 7th, 2005, 08:05 AM
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Default Re: need some advice--Please help

I should have given the minor details also, sorry. The cookout invitations are for 12:30 pm with the parade starting at 2:00 pm in Framingham, MA. The roads around my house close at 1:00 pm. The graduation party is in Derry, NH at 1:30 pm. Don't think there is anyway we can do both unless we split up.

As for someone else hosting the cookout, they would have to do it at my house since most of my neighbors come to my house and are "somewhat" elderly.

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Old June 7th, 2005, 09:10 AM
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Default Re: need some advice--Please help

Have the cookout. If she cannot understand that this party is an annual thing, has a fixed date, with guests already invited and RSVP'd, travel plans set, and was planned before her party then too bad.

She's the one with the 'tude. Tell her to change her party plans. She'll get over it at some point if not oh well. Ive gotten to the point where I basically dont care what people think if there was no malicious intent on my behalf. There are times when I suck it up and do the family thing, as many folks do, but when it comes to rearranging my life to suite them I draw the line.
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Old June 7th, 2005, 09:17 AM
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Default Re: need some advice--Please help

Personally it seems to me that a lot more people would be effected if you did not do the cookout than if you did not attend the graduation party. I'd do the cookout as planned and then go see your Goddaughter another day and take her to lunch etc.. At her age she should understand about life and if not she will soon. I DO NOT let others control me. My friends have tried those tactics to get me to do what they want me too and I do the opposite on purpose to say "Hey look" you can't tell me what to do. They do not try this anymore. You have plans and that is that - there are other people counting on you for the cookout. You can see the Goddaughter later on a one on one which is better than a party anyway where you won't get any time with her at all... JMHO Debbie
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Old June 7th, 2005, 10:19 AM
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Default Re: need some advice--Please help

you have been doing this for 15 years, that's a tradition and its not like you can call up the parade committee and ask them if they could please change the parade date to accomodate your SIL. She should have known and made her plans accordingly. I would have your annual traditional cook-out. You can't please everyone.
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Old June 7th, 2005, 10:20 AM
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Default Re: need some advice--Please help

I think your relative should have called the immediate family with a save this date ! That way, everyone, who at this busy time of year, could plan well in advance..SHE obviously knew when her function would take place, so too bad for her and her attitude..BUT do send out a nice gift to the graduate..There are some nice sites, and it could get there before the weekend.

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Old June 7th, 2005, 10:51 AM
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Default Re: need some advice--Please help

I would have the cook-out ! There will likely be so many people @ grad party that she honestly wont miss you... then, when you reschedule your time w/ her it will be more special & intimate. Tell the SIL to take a CHILL PILL.... !
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Old June 7th, 2005, 08:32 PM
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Default Re: need some advice--Please help

I'd have the cookout, but IF your dh wants to go to graduation, let him off the hook and let him go. If he doesn't, then yes, take your niece out to lunch and explain.

dorothy

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Old June 9th, 2005, 10:14 AM
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Default Re: need some advice--Please help

OK - what did you decide??????? Debbie
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Old June 9th, 2005, 10:53 AM
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Default Re: need some advice--Please help

Just wanted to thank everyone who gave me advice. My DH decided we will have the cookout as planned. He is going to drive up to New Hampshire first thing in the morning to see our niece, then turn around and come home. He his very upset at his sister, as am I, for her nasty note but feels this decision is the in the best interest for all involved. Gotta love families!!!!!

Thanks again. I knew I could count on my CM family for help.

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