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Old September 8th, 2005, 11:24 PM
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Default Feeling.........

Hi guys.........

Feeling a little down. Our youngest daughter (24) and a RN just told us she's pregnant. She's not married and just started dating the dad. They live about 250 miles from us in another town. Our son had the same thing happen to him, now he's married to the mother and they've had 2 more children. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my grandchildren, but just wish it wouldn't have happened this way.

We'll get through this as the Lord says, "This too shall pass". But I can't help but think did I raise them wrong? We went to church, we're good people.......I don't want to tell other family members or co-workers.

I just kind of have a heavy heart right now. Thanks for letting me "talk". I'll probably feel better tomorrow morning.

Good night....
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Old September 9th, 2005, 02:28 AM
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Default Re: Feeling.........

Hey Jan... I just want you to know, It wasn't anything you did. My mother had me and my 2 youngest brothers (which are older than me, there is 5 of us) in church everytime the door opened. We had nightly bible study and family prayer. We knew right from wrong. We knew we were not raised to do some of the things we have done and still do. I have overcome drug addiction, my brother still battles it. We have all overcome alcoholism, but it's not easy. We have all been in jail, and numerous other things. Look at the bright side of things, your daughter is an RN, an extremely good profession. Your son seems to be in a loving relationship with his wife, albeit, it didn't start the way you wanted. Although, your daughters judgment has slipped and you all will have to live with those results, dwell on the positive now not the negative. Life is too short. Just think about the beautiful new Grandbaby you are gonna have and support your daughter, believe me, she is probably regretting what happened and is going to need you....REALLY BAD!!

Stay Strong!!

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Old September 9th, 2005, 02:49 AM
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Default Re: Feeling.........

Angela - that was absolutely a wonderful post!!! You said what I wanted to better than I could ever hope to.

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Old September 9th, 2005, 06:12 AM
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Default Re: Feeling.........

It is hard when our children disappoint us and don't live up to our expectations. All we can do is love them thru the hard times. Keep looking up. The Lord will carry you through. Don't worry about what people say (and there will be some that have plenty to say), the scriptures are very strong about telling us not to judge others. If they are judgemental, then the Lord will deal with them in His own time.

Sending you prayers and hugs.

VTJen
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Old September 9th, 2005, 06:36 AM
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Default Re: Re: Feeling.........

We went through somthing similar with our oldest daughter. We are christians, don't drink and live a "good" life. Yet, she became pregnant with our first grandson and again last year. I had a recent phone conversation with my father who informed me I am a lousy mother and I am to be blamed for her poor behaviour. I rejected that 100%.I have been married for 22 years.My father has been married 3 times, my mother was an alcoholic and so is my father. I have done things better then they ever have. I was bounced from home to home, to foster parents to foster parents.
Our daughter might made the wrong choice but she is a good kid.
Enjoy your new grand baby and give your daughter the support she will need. This isn't your doing at all....

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Old September 9th, 2005, 09:18 AM
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Default Re: Feeling.........

Jan, nice post.

I am going to take the liberty of going off on a tangent somewhat. I think this is nothing to do with you or how you raised them. I can tell from your post that you were a fine parent. The issue has more to do with our society and social evolution (here's my tangent part).

I think that centuries before, people were married or betrothed at age 12, 13, 15, whatever. That is also the age at which the urge to procreate arises. So it all worked fine, you got urges, you were hooked up, and you did your baby making thing. In today's world, people have much longer education (more years spent being educated) which typically interferes with that baby making thing, and careers, etc. So people are starting that process in their late 20's and 30's etc. so when the 2 conflict, these things are happening in our society. What I mean is that we get sexually aware and active at a much younger age than what would be ideal for us. It would work great if we hit puberty at 30. But people are sexually active, which is a need, and not ready to commit to marriage or relationship in a serious way until after education and career is established, and this is causing problems.

Also, I feel I should point out that equally more important in today's society, this (what you are talking about) is not such a bad thing, and not necessarily a bad thing at all. There are also mechanisms in place in society for people to meet these challenges and make things work. Young adults are also more responsible and mature about their parenting responsibilities than perhaps we were.

As you said, have faith in God, you raised them well. All will be fine, and you'll be happily surprised in the years to come!

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Old September 9th, 2005, 10:44 AM
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Default Re: Feeling.........

Thank you all so much! I know it will work out, time heals the heart. I do love my daughter and will be there for her. Your words have helped me and I will go back to them for reassurance as we move forward.

Thanks again - Jan
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Old September 9th, 2005, 11:08 AM
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Default Re: Feeling.........

God has blessed your family with healthy grandchildren and a new one on the way..your daughter as an RN will be able to provide for your grandchild with or without the father;s suport..Be thankful you have a good relationship with your daughter and she wants your love and approval and welcome everyday that you can spend with your children and grandchildren

You raise your children to the best of your ability, life is too short not to embrace them
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