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Old September 18th, 2005, 11:02 PM
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Default Disorder in the Courts (jokes)

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
If this is true, then these are really hysterical . . .
______________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
--------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't
know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....Duh......
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the person?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

donna (who loves the last one) with thanks to BW for sending it to me!
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Old September 18th, 2005, 11:19 PM
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thanks for the laugh, they were good!

banker
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Old September 19th, 2005, 03:31 AM
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LMAO

Thankyou RD and BW "Oui Vey"
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Previous cruises....

Celebrity Constellation November 2010

TALLY HO!!!
Chin Chin and all that!
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Old September 19th, 2005, 05:47 AM
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Donna, Thanks for the laughs.

Laura
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Old September 19th, 2005, 02:27 PM
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Thanks for the laughs...I printed that out & showed some of my office mates...They loved it!
SE
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