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Old October 5th, 2005, 11:21 PM
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Default Future Ship Names (prophetic humour)

(It's been a while since I've posted this one.....)


The way ship naming is going for Carnival.... we'll soon see
The Carnival Domination followed by sister ships
Carnival Decimation & Carnival Destruction, with an option on
Carnival Overkill, Carnival Overwhelm and possibly
Carnival Blowout, Carnival Vanquish, Carnival Elimination, Carnival Take-Over, Carnival acquisition & Carnival Juggernaut
I think the Carnival Crush sounds kinda cool. With sisters
Carnival Bash and Carnival Smash. Even dangerously cool. Build them with a ram-bow.

Fantasy Class: future sisters to MV Ecstasy & MV Elation
MV Schmooze, MV Seduction, MV Titillation, MV Bliss, MV Nirvana & MV Orgasm
Free ****** and Cialis available at the purser's desk.

Pride Class: future sisters to Pride & Spirit
Vanity, Compulsion, Obsession and ultimately Guilt (or Gilt)

Following on the success of the Smoke-Free Paradise (not), we get targeted offerings such as: The Carnival Queen (Gays & Lesbians only), The Carnival Exposure (first all-nude cruise liner), the Carnival Wagon (for friends of Bill W., just don't fall off the wagon) and the Carnival Cruiser & Carnival Shark (singles only). Perhaps even the Carnival Cougar (complete with younger "Gentleboy Dance Hosts").

A new line of ships should be proposed to reflect all the nickel-and-diming going on: The Carnival Squeeze, Carnival Upsell, Carnival Gouge and (Ultimately), Carnival Screw and Carnival Rip-off. That would be truth in advertising.

Celebrity ... After Summit and Apex
Stratosphere, Troposphere, and Ionosphere, followed by
Eclipse (wanna bet this one's for real?), Comet, Outer Limit, Spatial, Stellar, Pulsar, Galactic and finally Cosmic
Where does a black hole fit into all of this?

Disney - I'd love to sail on any ship called Mickey Mouse, or Goofy for that matter. Piloted by Captains Nemo and Hook, respectively. The Maitre D' s name is Lumičre. The first officer's name is Donald, and he's very jealous that no ships are named after him. This line becomes the favourite of a certain single-gloved celebrity (who shall remain name-less), due to the plenitude of young boys sailing onboard.

RCI - Exploitation of the Seas springs to mind. Also Perturbation of the Seas, Disturbance of the Seas, Nausea of the Seas, Disruption of the Seas and eventually Plunderer of the Seas. Personally, after the dumping incident, I like Latrine of the Seas. It has a pipe that bypasses all sewage treatment equipment.

New Mega-Ships due to launch soon: Humongous of the Seas, Colossus of the Seas, Monstrosity of the Seas and Overkill of the Seas. Shipboard features include bungee jumping from the smokestack, a subway mass-transit system, horseback riding, motocross, a wave pool (originally installed across the deck, but had to be re-oriented front-to-rear because the large waves generated almost caused the ship to roll over), a petting zoo, skateboard half-pipe, and the very first (and last) glass-bottom cruise ship. Royal Caribbean is proud to be the first to incorporate a full-size Wal-Mart retail outlet (with mini-McDonald's counter) on their newest ships (but the auto center is a miserable failure... who knew?). RCI then creates the first moveable private island, actually a huge barge that moves to the most economically feasible strategic location, and avoids hurricanes. Yacht parking is available here.

HAL - How about the Hooverdam? The Don'tgiveadam? Personally, I think we should petition them to rename all their ships more politely. Like Noordarn, Volendarn, Maasdarn and the like. Or Noordang, Volendang and Maasdang.

Costa - The Costa Nocomprenda, The Costa Toomanylingua, The Costa Wassamattayoua and Costa Fahgettabouta. The flagship is called the Costa Nostra, but only Italians can sail on her. Their latest promotional gimmick is to make you an offer you can't refuse.

Princess-
I just love the children-friendly "Princess Poopy-Pants".
But seriously,
The Tanzanite Princess is a very cruise-pertinent name. Also Swarovsky Princess, Gucci Princess, Gap Princess, Fossil Princess, and -the ultimate- Tiffany Princess & Rodeo Princess (slogan: "At least you can afford to dream..."). Endorsement possibilities abound for corporate name positioning. Why not sell out completely, and name one the IBM Princess, or Microsoft Princess for that matter?

Soon we'll be going to see a show in the Delta Airlines Theatre, then later relax and dance a bit in the Coca-Cola Lounge. Next is a food court for sure, complete with KFC, Subway and maybe a Sbarro for that international look.
Deck chairs will have advertisements printed on them, and be rented by the hour.
10 minutes of commercials will precede the show every night.
There will be a Pepsi logo printed on the bottom of the pool,
And we'll be served Dole Bananas, Campbell's Soup and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

Names to Avoid:
Anything With "Poseidon", "Norwalk", "Clinton/Bush/Monica/Hilary/Gore...etc", "Anything Arabic-Sounding that could annoy clerics prone to calls for Jihad", "Nova" (means "doesn't go" in Spanish), "Valdez (or Exxon, for that matter)", and, in this climate of fear, avoid any affiliation with Target Dept. Stores altogether.
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Old October 6th, 2005, 07:17 AM
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How about the "Carnival Friends" Sponsored by the Friends Beans company. The ship for a "Rootin' Tootin' Funship Cruise" Of course this ship will exclusively do the New England Canada route where beans are a Saturday night tradition.

Laura
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Old October 6th, 2005, 07:21 AM
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Anyone thought of Carnival, Carnival?
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Previous cruises....

Celebrity Constellation November 2010

TALLY HO!!!
Chin Chin and all that!
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