Location: Wisconsin....about 100 miles south of the Frozen Tundra and 70 miles east of Camp Randall
Judy - no need to feel guilty. People change....life changes them! Yes, it is difficult, but illness does affect people very differently. Frankly, I would be surprised if there weren't problems - in many families after all the stresses that illness puts on them, there are many problems. I deal with this all the time at my job.
Go to the counseling and work hard.......from your post it seems that Keith is willing to do this too. The two of you have an investment in each other that is worth saving. Don't give up! Prayers going out for both of you.
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Judy: Please don't worry about what we will think of you. We are not judgemental! Only you have walked in your shoes and know how you feel. I'm glad you are willing to get counciling. Good luck and please know we are here for you.
Mary Lou Scanlon
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It sounds like you're taking a big step in the right direction. You've both been through quite a lot in this past year and changes happen. Hopefully you'll find a way to work through this.
Judy--sorry to hear that you and Keith are having problems. You are moving in the right direction to get help. Everyone has problems somewhere in their lives, whether it's with marriage, family, friends or work. You both have been through alot in the past year. This can build up inside a person to the point of resentment. At least you started the healing process by opening up to Keith about your feelings towards him. That was very brave of you.
You are both in my thoughts and prayers even more now, that the life you have built over all these years will one day be happy and loving again.
You should not and will not be judged by this problem, at least in the hearts of your CM family and true friends.
The first step is in recognizing that there is a problem. The second step is recognizing why. It seems you have done both of those things. The next step is to seek the assistance you might need to salvage a 30 year relationship. You've done that too.
You and Keith have weathered some "Category 5" issues in the last few years. That cannot be without damage (physical and psycological). Please both of you know that you are surrounded here by good folks who care about you and who are willing to offer a place to speak out on your feelings at any time. I hope you two can redefine the love that brought you together and that has kept you together for 30 years.
Judy, problems can and do come up in any marriage or relationship. It's good that you have recognized your need for outside help, and that Keith is willing (although reluctant) to go with you to try to work things out. I've learned along the way that you really can't change anyone else, but you can change yourself, and how you deal with things. There is much to be hopeful for for both of you. I will keep you in prayer.
Judy, you shouldn't worry about what we might think, that doesn't matter. What DOES matter, is that you and Keith have 30 years invested in each other, and I think you're going in the right direction by A) admitting there's a problem, and b) looking for help.
Having been through a divorce early in my first marriage, I understand your pain and your shame, but you have to do what's right for YOU!
Good luck to you both.... and remember, we're here for you.
After what you two have been through it's not surprising that there are problems. I hope the therapist will be able to help you and Keith sort things out. I'll be thinking of you both, and you know you can always vent here.
"A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour."
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Judy, it makes me feel good that you care enough about us to tell. You are doing the right thing, by getting help. What you have been through these last few months have been more than most could take. You are wonderful. Take care.
Judy and Keith,
Do not feel bad about ventiing your feelings here. I can't add anything to what the others have said and I think PapaBill put as well as it can be put. You have taken all the strides to secure your marriage, now just follow through with it. You know we are here and we are praying for you and Keith. Now all that said....Don't make me stop this car
Good Luck and God Bless.