As the omnipresent Cruise Director's joke goes:
Does the ship generate its own electricity?
No. We have a very long extension cord.
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Assuming that the extension cord was a common household orange u-ground, and was up to electrical standards.... we could do the following -
- All passengers would share ONE 1500 watt hair dryer, and without blowing a fuse or melting the wire, maybe 8 cabins can keep a 40 watt light on. Once everyone has dried their hair, ONE curling iron may be plugged in. If one cabin is nice enough to volunteer to turn out their light, then maybe 10 gentlemen may use their electric razors for a quick shave.
- Food can be prepared in ONE toaster oven or ONE microwave at a time. No hair dryers or curling irons may be used during food preparation time. After dinner, ONE coffee maker may be plugged in. Ditto in the morning. Once the food is prepared, the lights in the dining room will be turned on. Please do NOT order a second plate, as everyone will have to wait in the dark while it is being prepared.
- Perhaps FOUR slot machines in the casino may be operating at once, assuming Aunt Betty doesn't need to dry her hair. This will be for one hour, on the third day of your cruise.
- We have just enough power to run the sound system in the show lounge at minimal levels after dinner. As everything else shipwide will be shut off, we expect you will be attending the show. Please bring some candles, or your Zippo.
- Gravity will drain the water in the pool if it should get dirty, or little Bartholemew should relieve himself whilst bathing. However, in order to fill it up again, Aunt Betty cannot put on her pretty face for perhaps 36 hours, while the pump is running. We hope this might explain why we chose not to change the water for the past few sailings. It does rain every so often, thankfully, and all drainpipes lead directly to the pool.
- Lifting the ship's anchor (considering we only have 2 horsepower available to the winch) will take 4 or five hours. Please be patient. Ditto the tender (both up and down) so we will be remaining at each port of call an extra day to allow for these logistics to be overcome.
- Please refrain from recharging your video camera batteries, as this will only allow 9 gentlemen to shave, provided someone agrees to dry their hair in the dark.
- 9 am to 9:10 am ONE forward elevator will operate. 12:00 to 12:10 ONE midship elevator will operate. 6:00 to 6:10 ONE aft elevator will operate. Try not to overload the car. Please see schedule in the ship's bulletin for times the stairwells will be illuminated.
- "Flashlight Bingo" will be held on the second formal night of your sailing. Your cruise director reminds you to make sure you have fresh batteries!!!
- At 10:00 pm, all lights must be out, so that the air conditioner may be utilized. Each cabin may benefit from 8 minutes of cool air, before we move on to cooling the next cabin. Please sign up for your allotted air-conditioning slot at the purser's desk, when the promenade deck lights are on (every second day from 3:00 pm to 3:15 pm).
- Daily from 9:10 to 11:00 am, 3:15 pm to 5:00 pm and 12:01 am to 3:00 am (in between the air conditioner) we will be running the compressor for our refrigerators, freezers, ice machines etc. so the food will not spoil. Your cabin electrical will be disconnected during this time to avoid any potential mishap.
- The ship's engines are diesel, however, should they stall for any reason, no hair dryers may be employed during the jump-start procedure.
- Please note the following important safety information:
Please do not play with, or unplug the extension. Safety rules require that a defibrillator be operational at all times without exception. Unplugging the cable could result in a life-or-death situation.
Stay away from the cable. It has been in contact with the water, and poses an electrocution hazard. As well, should you become entangled, you may be pulled overboard while it is unreeling.
The ship carries a spare extension, should the current wire fail. As we obtain our power from Miami, should Florida Light and Power raise their utility rates, a modest surcharge will be added to your cruise fare.
Have a pleasant day!
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Suppose the Ship DIDN'T Generate It's Own Power
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