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Old February 6th, 2006, 11:49 PM
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Default Suggestions for Future Ship Names

The way ship naming is going for Carnival.... we'll soon see
The Carnival Domination followed by sister ships
Carnival Decimation & Carnival Destruction, with an option on
Carnival Overkill, Carnival Overwhelm and possibly
Carnival Blowout, Carnival Vanquish, Carnival Elimination
& Carnival Juggernaut
I think the Carnival Crush sounds kinda cool. With sisters
Carnival Bash and Carnival Smash. Even dangerously cool. Build them with a ram-bow.

Fantasy Class: future sisters to MV Ecstasy & MV Elation
MV Schmooze, MV Seduction, MV Titillation, MV Bliss, MV Nirvana & MV Orgasm
Free ****** and Cialis available at the purser's desk.

Pride Class: future sisters to Pride & Spirit
Vanity, Compulsion, Obsession and ultimately Guilt (or Gilt)

Following on the success of the Smoke-Free Paradise (not), we get targeted offerings such as: The Carnival Queen (Gays & Lesbians only), The Carnival Flash (first all-nude cruise liner), the Carnival Wagon (for friends of Bill W., just don't fall off the wagon) and the Carnival Cruiser & Carnival Shark (singles only). Perhaps even the Carnival Cougar (complete with younger "Gentleboy Dance Hosts").

A new line of ships should be proposed to reflect all the nickel-and-diming going on: The Carnival Squeeze, Carnival Upsell, Carnival Gouge and (Ultimately), Carnival Graft and Carnival Piracy. Be sure to give these guys your credit card numbers.....

Celebrity ... After Summit and Apex
Stratosphere, Troposphere, and Ionosphere, followed by
Eclipse (wanna bet this one's for real?), Comet, Outer Limit, Spatial, Stellar, Pulsar, Galactic and finally Cosmic
Where does a black hole fit into all of this?

Disney - I'd love to sail on any ship called Mickey Mouse, or Goofy for that matter. Piloted by Captains Nemo and Hook, respectively. The Maitre D' s name is Lumière. The first officer's name is Donald, and he's very jealous that no ships are named after him. This line becomes the favourite of a certain single-gloved celebrity (who shall remain name-less), due to the plenitude of young boys sailing onboard.

RCI - Exploitation of the Seas springs to mind. Also Perturbation of the Seas, Nausea of the Seas, Disruption of the Seas and eventually Plunderer of the Seas. Personally, after the dumping incident, I like Latrine of the Seas. It has a pipe that bypasses all sewage treatment equipment. Chicken of the Seas also springs to mind.

New Mega-Ships due to launch soon: Humongous of the Seas, Colossus of the Seas, Megalomania of the Seas, Monstrosity of the Seas and Overkill of the Seas. Shipboard features include bungee jumping from the smokestack, a subway mass-transit system, horseback riding, motocross, a wave pool (originally installed across the deck, but had to be re-oriented front-to-rear because the large waves generated almost caused the ship to roll over), a petting zoo, skateboard half-pipe, and the very first (and last) glass-bottom cruise ship. Royal Caribbean is proud to be the first to incorporate a full-size Wal-Mart retail outlet (with mini-McDonald's counter) on their newest ships (but the auto center is a miserable failure... who knew?). RCI then creates the first moveable private island, actually a huge barge that moves to the most economically feasible strategic location, and avoids hurricanes. Yacht parking is available here.

HAL - How about the Hooverdam? Personally, I think we should petition them to rename all their ships more politely. Like Noordarn, Volendarn, Maasdarn and the like. Or Noordang, Volendang and Maasdang. They really should put tulips and windmills on all their ships, with complimentary wooden shoes in every cabin. If the ship leaks, don't worry, the huge pumps will put the water back over the dike... I mean, side.

Norwegian: I just can't think of any Norwegian stereotypes....

Costa - The Costa Nocomprenda, The Costa Toomanylingua, The Costa Wassamattayoua and Costa Fahgettaboata (my favourite). The flagship, due out soon, is to be the Costa Waytoomucha. Their latest promotional gimmick is to make you an offer you can't refuse.

Windjammer Barefoot Cruises : The Sliver Song is their newest offering... It seems they omitted to sand the deck before varnishing. Also the Desitin Breeze is on the drawing board, and her sister the Lamisil Wind.

Princess-
I just love the children-friendly "Princess Poopy-Pants". A big white ship that is so cute but smells really bad.
But seriously,
The Tanzanite Princess is a very cruise-pertinent name. Also Swarovsky Princess, Gucci Princess, Fossil Princess, and -the ultimate- Tiffany Princess & Rodeo Princess (slogan: "At least you can afford to dream..."). Endorsement possibilities abound for corporate name positioning. Why not sell out completely, and name one the IBM Princess, or Microsoft Princess for that matter? Soon we'll be going to see a show in the Delta Airlines Theatre, then later relax and dance a bit in the Coca-Cola Lounge. Next is a food court for sure, complete with KFC, Subway and maybe a Sbarro for that international look.

Independant cruise lines are bound to pop up:
Jamaican Cruise Liner : The MS Rastamon (has a problem with vibrations, good ones though..., and a bit too much smoke)
The Club Med Cruise Ship - "For the last time.... EVERYTHING is included, at least until you board the ship."
NASCAR Cruise Lines : "The Fastest Ships Afloat", and everyone can pitch in and help the engineers fix the engines. Every inch of hull is covered in advertising, and even the crew uniforms flaunt ads for chewing tobacco. A few half-disassembled ships sit on the front lawn of the Company's head offices in Myrtle Beach.
WWF Cruise Lines : The Wrestle Vessels (You'd better "smack down" your money if you wanna "smell what the chef is cooking"...) The Captain wears a white referee shirt for his uniform, but most of the time he is completely oblivious to what is going on. You must do lunch at the "Battle Royal Buffet", 3000 passengers and only one line. Watch out for the aluminum folding chairs. They're not bolted down.

Deck chairs will have advertisements printed on them, and be rented by the hour.
10 minutes of commercials will precede the show every night.
There will be a Pepsi logo printed on the bottom of the pool,
And we'll be served Dole Bananas, Campbell's Soup and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

Names to Avoid:
Anything With "Poseidon", "Norwalk", "Clinton/Bush/Monica/Hilary/Gore...etc", "Anything Arabic-Sounding that could annoy clerics prone to calls for Jihad", "Nova" (means "doesn't go" in Spanish), "Valdez (or Exxon, for that matter)", and, in this climate of fear, avoid any affiliation with Target Dept. Stores altogether
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Old February 7th, 2006, 11:32 PM
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Default Suggestions for future ship names

Cruise Cynic, that was really good! lol Did you think this up? Because if you did, you missed your calling. You should be writing for Leno or a sitcom.

Betty
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Old February 7th, 2006, 11:42 PM
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My under-employed lazy-butt mind came up with the whole thing on its own. Go figure.

I heard Leno's downsizing. I'm too weird for Disney. Perhaps Howard Stern is willing to share some of his half-billion....
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Old February 8th, 2006, 07:49 AM
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My favorite columnist Dave Barry came up with a good one. While writing about his Western Caribbean cruise on RCI, he referred to his ship as "The Restaurant of the Seas".
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Explorer of the Seas October 2013
Caribbean Princess July 2006, May 2010 & November 2012
Monarch of the Seas November 2008
Crown Princess November 2007
Celebrity Zenith November 2005
Enchantment of the Seas August 2004
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Old February 8th, 2006, 08:00 PM
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CC-I agree with you that Carnival sounds like it IS going to name the next oneomination or something. (Maybe next they will switch to warplane names or something?!!)
Why can't they name them something 'fun' & tropical vacation sounding??????
Brenda
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