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Old March 6th, 2006, 10:16 PM
fllady's Avatar
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Location: Florida
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Default Performance Evaluation Quotes

These are actual quotes taken from United States Federal Government employee performance evaluations. (Border Patrol PWP's ??)

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom & has
started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of
definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision & cornered like a rat in a

5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards & then consistently fails to achieve

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, & the sooner he starts, the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all

11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

13. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

14. "He's been working with glue too much."

15. "He would argue with a signpost."

16. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

17. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

18. "If you see two people talking & one looks bored, he's the other one."

19. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

20. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

21. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

22. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

23. "He's got two brain cells, one is lost & the other is out looking for it."

24. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

25. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

26. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

27. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

28. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

29. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."

30. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
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Old March 7th, 2006, 06:07 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,988

I could think of someone I've worked with that went with each one.
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Old March 7th, 2006, 07:00 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,638

I love them. May use some of them.
NCL DreamCarnival Victory
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Old March 7th, 2006, 07:47 AM
CruisinK n J's Avatar
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Location: Southern California
Posts: 7,036
Default Performance Evaluation Quotes

They are funny!

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Old March 7th, 2006, 07:49 AM
DougR.'s Avatar
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Erial, New Jersey
Posts: 3,323

Hey!!!! How did you get hold of my personnel folder?????

Crown Princess March 2017
Explorer of the Seas October 2013
Caribbean Princess July 2006, May 2010 & November 2012
Monarch of the Seas November 2008
Crown Princess November 2007
Celebrity Zenith November 2005
Enchantment of the Seas August 2004
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Old March 7th, 2006, 08:35 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 10,929

I absolutely love the "depriving a village somewhere of an idiot" one. I'll be borrowing that one soon.
Marine, Pilot, Singer, Tuba Player, Carnival "Diamond"!
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