Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:
8:00 am - Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
9:40 am - Got to go to the park! Rolled in some really nasty stuff, was so proud of myself. Humans were less than impressed.
10:30 am - Got my tummy rubbed and petted - - I'm in love!
12:00 pm - Lunch: Yummy!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard: I love it!
3:00 pm - Stared adoringly at my masters...they're the best!
4:00 pm - Hooray! The kids got home! I was so happy I was bouncing off the walls!
5:00 pm - Milk bones - - awesome!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! What a day, this was too good to be true!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:
Day 683 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them I once again vomited on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!!!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives specials privileges. He is regularly released - and he seems more than willing to return! He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant - - I observe him communicating with the guard regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe - - for now. But I can wait.
It is only a matter of time...