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  #1 (permalink)  
Old August 10th, 2006, 04:45 AM
Cruise Cynic's Avatar
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Default (Repost) New Cruise Ship Name Suggestions....

The way ship naming is going for Carnival.... we'll soon see
The Carnival Domination followed by sister ships
Carnival Decimation & Carnival Destruction, with an option on
Carnival Overkill, Carnival Overwhelm and possibly
Carnival Blowout, Carnival Vanquish, Carnival Elimination
& Carnival Juggernaut
I think the Carnival Crush sounds kinda cool. With sisters
Carnival Bash and Carnival Smash. Even dangerously cool. Build them with a ram-bow.

Fantasy Class: future sisters to MV Ecstasy & MV Elation
MV Schmooze, MV Seduction, MV Titillation, MV Bliss, MV Nirvana & MV Orgasm
Free ****** and Cialis available at the purser's desk.

Pride Class: future sisters to Pride & Spirit
Vanity, Compulsion, Obsession and ultimately Guilt (or Gilt)

Following on the success of the Smoke-Free Paradise (not), we get targeted offerings such as: The Carnival Queen (Gays & Lesbians only), The Carnival Flash (first all-nude cruise liner), the Carnival Wagon (for friends of Bill W., just don't fall off the wagon) and the Carnival Cruiser & Carnival Shark (singles only). Perhaps even the Carnival Cougar (complete with younger "Gentleboy Dance Hosts").

A new line of ships should be proposed to reflect all the nickel-and-diming going on: The Carnival Squeeze, Carnival Upsell, Carnival Gouge and (Ultimately), Carnival Graft and Carnival Piracy. Be sure to give these guys your credit card numbers.....

Celebrity ... After Summit and Apex
Stratosphere, Troposphere, and Ionosphere, followed by
Eclipse (wanna bet this one's for real?), Comet, Outer Limit, Spatial, Stellar, Pulsar, Galactic and finally Cosmic
Where does a black hole fit into all of this?

Disney - I'd love to sail on any ship called Mickey Mouse, or Goofy for that matter. Piloted by Captains Nemo and Hook, respectively. The Maitre D' s name is Lumière. The first officer's name is Donald, and he's very jealous that no ships are named after him. This line becomes the favourite of a certain single-gloved celebrity (who shall remain name-less), due to the plenitude of young boys sailing onboard.

RCI - Exploitation of the Seas springs to mind. Also Perturbation of the Seas, Nausea of the Seas, Disruption of the Seas and eventually Plunderer of the Seas. Personally, after the dumping incident, I like Latrine of the Seas. It has a pipe that bypasses all sewage treatment equipment. Chicken of the Seas also springs to mind.

New Mega-Ships due to launch soon: Humongous of the Seas, Colossus of the Seas, Megalomania of the Seas, Monstrosity of the Seas and Overkill of the Seas. Shipboard features include bungee jumping from the smokestack, a subway mass-transit system, horseback riding, motocross, a wave pool (originally installed across the deck, but had to be re-oriented front-to-rear because the large waves generated almost caused the ship to roll over), a petting zoo, skateboard half-pipe, and the very first (and last) glass-bottom cruise ship. Royal Caribbean is proud to be the first to incorporate a full-size Wal-Mart retail outlet (with mini-McDonald's counter) on their newest ships (but the auto center is a miserable failure... who knew?). RCI then creates the first moveable private island, actually a huge barge that moves to the most economically feasible strategic location, and avoids hurricanes. Yacht parking is available here.

HAL - How about the Hooverdam? Personally, I think we should petition them to rename all their ships more politely. Like Noordarn, Volendarn, Maasdarn and the like. Or Noordang, Volendang and Maasdang. They really should put tulips and windmills on all their ships, with complimentary wooden shoes in every cabin. If the ship leaks, don't worry, the huge pumps will put the water back over the dike... I mean, side.

Norwegian: I just can't think of any Norwegian stereotypes.... aside from maybe running the AC a bit too strong.

Costa - The Costa Nocomprenda, The Costa Toomanylingua, The Costa Wassamattayoua and Costa Fahgettaboata (my favourite). The flagship, due out soon, is to be the Costa Waytoomucha. Their latest promotional gimmick is to make you an offer you can't refuse.

Windjammer Barefoot Cruises : The Sliver Song is their newest offering... It seems they omitted to sand the deck before varnishing. Also the Desitin Breeze is on the drawing board, and her sister the Lamisil Wind.

Princess-
I just love the children-friendly "Princess Poopy-Pants". A big white ship that is so cute but smells really bad.
But seriously,
The Tanzanite Princess is a very cruise-pertinent name. Also Swarovsky Princess, Gucci Princess, Fossil Princess, and -the ultimate- Tiffany Princess & Rodeo Princess (slogan: "At least you can afford to dream..."). Endorsement possibilities abound for corporate name positioning. Why not sell out completely, and name one the IBM Princess, or Microsoft Princess for that matter? Soon we'll be going to see a show in the Delta Airlines Theatre, then later relax and dance a bit in the Coca-Cola Lounge. Next is a food court for sure, complete with KFC, Subway and maybe a Sbarro for that international look.

Independant cruise lines are bound to pop up:
Jamaican Cruise Liner : The MS Rastamon (has a problem with vibrations, good ones though..., and a bit too much smoke)
The Club Med Cruise Ship - "For the last time.... EVERYTHING is included, at least until you board the ship." NASCAR Cruise Lines : "The Fastest Ships Afloat", and everyone can pitch in and help the engineers fix the engines. Every inch of hull is covered in advertising, and even the crew uniforms flaunt ads for chewing tobacco. A few half-disassembled ships sit on the front lawn of the Company's head offices in Myrtle Beach.
WWF Cruise Lines : The Wrestle Vessels (You'd better "smack down" your money if you wanna "smell what the chef is cooking"...) The Captain wears a white referee shirt for his uniform, but most of the time he is completely oblivious to what is going on. You must do lunch at the "Battle Royal Buffet", 3000 passengers and only one line. Watch out for the aluminum folding chairs. They're not bolted down.

Also Names to Avoid:
Anything With "Poseidon", "Norwalk", "Clinton/Bush/Monica/Hilary/Gore...etc", "Anything Arabic-Sounding that could annoy clerics prone to calls for Jihad", "Nova" (means "doesn't go" in Spanish), "Valdez (or Exxon, for that matter)", and, in this climate of fear, avoid any affiliation with Target Dept. Stores altogether
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  #2 (permalink)  
Old August 10th, 2006, 06:22 AM
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Holy smokes, Cynic -- you may have some issues!

And not just with cruising........!

But then again, perhaps you're trying to make a point. And that point being that "political correctness", for good or bad, has wended its way into our social consciousness. And is that a good thing? Well.....

Whatever happened to "I am Woman (or Man), hear me roar"? We're so worried about offending someone that we offend everyone.

You're entitled to your view, even if it p*sses me off. That's everyone's protected right.

I welcome what others have to say -- especially if I disagree with them. You see, the only way to maintain one's sanity is to have the people around you bring you back down to Earth occassionly. I worry about a world where everyone thinks the same way. I worry about a world in which everyone acts the same way.

And I've been worrying a lot lately....

And so, Cruise Cynic, your point is well taken.

Dean
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  #3 (permalink)  
Old August 10th, 2006, 12:24 PM
BEACH DOUG
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Default Re: (Repost) New Cruise Ship Name Suggestions....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruise Cynic
The way ship naming is going for Carnival.... we'll soon see
The Carnival Domination followed by sister ships
Carnival Decimation & Carnival Destruction, with an option on
Carnival Overkill, Carnival Overwhelm and possibly
Carnival Blowout, Carnival Vanquish, Carnival Elimination
& Carnival Juggernaut
I think the Carnival Crush sounds kinda cool. With sisters
Carnival Bash and Carnival Smash. Even dangerously cool. Build them with a ram-bow.

Fantasy Class: future sisters to MV Ecstasy & MV Elation
MV Schmooze, MV Seduction, MV Titillation, MV Bliss, MV Nirvana & MV Orgasm
Free ****** and Cialis available at the purser's desk.

Pride Class: future sisters to Pride & Spirit
Vanity, Compulsion, Obsession and ultimately Guilt (or Gilt)

Following on the success of the Smoke-Free Paradise (not), we get targeted offerings such as: The Carnival Queen (Gays & Lesbians only), The Carnival Flash (first all-nude cruise liner), the Carnival Wagon (for friends of Bill W., just don't fall off the wagon) and the Carnival Cruiser & Carnival Shark (singles only). Perhaps even the Carnival Cougar (complete with younger "Gentleboy Dance Hosts").

A new line of ships should be proposed to reflect all the nickel-and-diming going on: The Carnival Squeeze, Carnival Upsell, Carnival Gouge and (Ultimately), Carnival Graft and Carnival Piracy. Be sure to give these guys your credit card numbers.....

Celebrity ... After Summit and Apex
Stratosphere, Troposphere, and Ionosphere, followed by
Eclipse (wanna bet this one's for real?), Comet, Outer Limit, Spatial, Stellar, Pulsar, Galactic and finally Cosmic
Where does a black hole fit into all of this?

Disney - I'd love to sail on any ship called Mickey Mouse, or Goofy for that matter. Piloted by Captains Nemo and Hook, respectively. The Maitre D' s name is Lumière. The first officer's name is Donald, and he's very jealous that no ships are named after him. This line becomes the favourite of a certain single-gloved celebrity (who shall remain name-less), due to the plenitude of young boys sailing onboard.

RCI - Exploitation of the Seas springs to mind. Also Perturbation of the Seas, Nausea of the Seas, Disruption of the Seas and eventually Plunderer of the Seas. Personally, after the dumping incident, I like Latrine of the Seas. It has a pipe that bypasses all sewage treatment equipment. Chicken of the Seas also springs to mind.

New Mega-Ships due to launch soon: Humongous of the Seas, Colossus of the Seas, Megalomania of the Seas, Monstrosity of the Seas and Overkill of the Seas. Shipboard features include bungee jumping from the smokestack, a subway mass-transit system, horseback riding, motocross, a wave pool (originally installed across the deck, but had to be re-oriented front-to-rear because the large waves generated almost caused the ship to roll over), a petting zoo, skateboard half-pipe, and the very first (and last) glass-bottom cruise ship. Royal Caribbean is proud to be the first to incorporate a full-size Wal-Mart retail outlet (with mini-McDonald's counter) on their newest ships (but the auto center is a miserable failure... who knew?). RCI then creates the first moveable private island, actually a huge barge that moves to the most economically feasible strategic location, and avoids hurricanes. Yacht parking is available here.

HAL - How about the Hooverdam? Personally, I think we should petition them to rename all their ships more politely. Like Noordarn, Volendarn, Maasdarn and the like. Or Noordang, Volendang and Maasdang. They really should put tulips and windmills on all their ships, with complimentary wooden shoes in every cabin. If the ship leaks, don't worry, the huge pumps will put the water back over the dike... I mean, side.

Norwegian: I just can't think of any Norwegian stereotypes.... aside from maybe running the AC a bit too strong.

Costa - The Costa Nocomprenda, The Costa Toomanylingua, The Costa Wassamattayoua and Costa Fahgettaboata (my favourite). The flagship, due out soon, is to be the Costa Waytoomucha. Their latest promotional gimmick is to make you an offer you can't refuse.

Windjammer Barefoot Cruises : The Sliver Song is their newest offering... It seems they omitted to sand the deck before varnishing. Also the Desitin Breeze is on the drawing board, and her sister the Lamisil Wind.

Princess-
I just love the children-friendly "Princess Poopy-Pants". A big white ship that is so cute but smells really bad.
But seriously,
The Tanzanite Princess is a very cruise-pertinent name. Also Swarovsky Princess, Gucci Princess, Fossil Princess, and -the ultimate- Tiffany Princess & Rodeo Princess (slogan: "At least you can afford to dream..."). Endorsement possibilities abound for corporate name positioning. Why not sell out completely, and name one the IBM Princess, or Microsoft Princess for that matter? Soon we'll be going to see a show in the Delta Airlines Theatre, then later relax and dance a bit in the Coca-Cola Lounge. Next is a food court for sure, complete with KFC, Subway and maybe a Sbarro for that international look.

Independant cruise lines are bound to pop up:
Jamaican Cruise Liner : The MS Rastamon (has a problem with vibrations, good ones though..., and a bit too much smoke)
The Club Med Cruise Ship - "For the last time.... EVERYTHING is included, at least until you board the ship." NASCAR Cruise Lines : "The Fastest Ships Afloat", and everyone can pitch in and help the engineers fix the engines. Every inch of hull is covered in advertising, and even the crew uniforms flaunt ads for chewing tobacco. A few half-disassembled ships sit on the front lawn of the Company's head offices in Myrtle Beach.
WWF Cruise Lines : The Wrestle Vessels (You'd better "smack down" your money if you wanna "smell what the chef is cooking"...) The Captain wears a white referee shirt for his uniform, but most of the time he is completely oblivious to what is going on. You must do lunch at the "Battle Royal Buffet", 3000 passengers and only one line. Watch out for the aluminum folding chairs. They're not bolted down.

Also Names to Avoid:
Anything With "Poseidon", "Norwalk", "Clinton/Bush/Monica/Hilary/Gore...etc", "Anything Arabic-Sounding that could annoy clerics prone to calls for Jihad", "Nova" (means "doesn't go" in Spanish), "Valdez (or Exxon, for that matter)", and, in this climate of fear, avoid any affiliation with Target Dept. Stores altogether
Derps?
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  #4 (permalink)  
Old August 10th, 2006, 12:37 PM
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I believe the Tanzanite Princess should only cruise the Caribbean and in keeping with the hull art of Norwegian would post Diamonds International advetising.

The McDonald's quip made me shudder since we're seeing bits of that already in the coffee and ice cream shops on board. Say it ain't so, Joe!

Cruise Cynic, you obviously put a lot of thought into this and I think it's quite witty. Made me smile - and I really needed that today - thanks.
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  #5 (permalink)  
Old August 10th, 2006, 01:11 PM
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Cruise Cynic your are a true wit. This is priceless and upon reading it I almost fell off the chair with tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard.

Great post.
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  #6 (permalink)  
Old August 11th, 2006, 01:33 AM
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OH Dear ME Cynic... You always make my day brighter! I died laughing... i have no idea how im writing this in my current post-life state...
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Monarch of the Seas - July '00
Enchantment of the Seas - June '01
Grandeur of the Seas - July '02
Horizon - July '03
Rhapsody of the Seas - Thanksgiving '03
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Carnival Ecstasy - May '05
Explorer of the Seas - July '05
Infinity - Doomed Voyage - July '06
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Old August 11th, 2006, 03:15 AM
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Issues? Me?

No charge for the funny.
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  #8 (permalink)  
Old August 11th, 2006, 09:54 AM
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I have said for years....Linda Pearl of the Seas......ok, maybe just Pearl of the Seas! >drat>
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