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Old September 7th, 2006, 09:20 PM
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Default Help!!!! I need a cruise!!!!

This afternoon I picked up our 15th year old daughter from school. I guess she went above our heads and pierced her nose. We are furious. Our daughter has been so good and we have not had any problems with her for a long time. We had discussed this nose thing many times and we had told her NO. She refuses to take it out because according to her there will be a hole now.

I watched "Adventure of the Seas" tonight after all this and told my dh I need a cruise.

What would you do with your daughter?
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Old September 7th, 2006, 09:33 PM
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Default Help!!!! I need a cruise!!!!

Sue, We are sharing your situation on a quite different basis.

Our oldest son ( who is 41) was always a "good kid". Didn't rush into marriage at a young age (married at 23). Has two fantastic kids. Divorced at 38. Since then, he has had both ears pierced, has a tongue stud, started smoking and has two or three tats.

Guess he is going through a mid life change or something ???

We are not extremly thrilled with all this.

crabbie1
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Old September 7th, 2006, 09:37 PM
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Crabbie1 I guess we will never outgrow parenthood? I had high hopes And yes it does sound like a midlife crisis.
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Old September 8th, 2006, 06:58 AM
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Sue,
You need to find out where the piercing was done. There are laws in Florida about piercing minors without parental consent. Call your local county health dept. or go to www.doh.state.fl.us and find your county. You'll be looking for the environmental health section. Each county health dept. inspects body piercing salons and one of the inspection points is checking client records. The salon is supposed to check her id and insist on a notarized letter from her parents. The salon can be fined for piercing minors but unless you pursue this nothing will happen and they'll just keep doing it.
If she got it done at the mall that's another no no as those kiosks and jewelry stores are only supposed to use the piercing guns on ears.
At least it's a piercing (which can close over) and not a tattoo.
Angela Z.
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Old September 8th, 2006, 08:09 AM
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Default Re: Help!!!! I need a cruise!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by sue
She refuses to take it out because according to her there will be a hole now.
I'm sorry for the stress this is causing you, and yes, I think you do need a cruise!

I have one son and he started asking to get his ear pierced at about age 16. The answer was always "no" so when he was 18 he came in with a very small earring.

My first thought, after reading your post was to tell her to take it out, regardless of the fact that there will be a hole there. What did she expect? She was the CAUSE of the whole being there. If she takes it out, it WILL close up and heal. (Very quickly, too).

Does it help to know that you have lots of people in your corner? I hope so.
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Old September 8th, 2006, 08:28 AM
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Sue, I hate to sound cliche, but "don't sweat the small stuff".
It's just a nose ring, and she'll eventually tire of it and perhaps remove it, and it will heal over. Of course she did it without permission and against your wishes, but that's how teens exert some sort of independance. In other areas of her life she has improved and not been any trouble lately, be grateful for that.
I've "Been there, done that" when my daughter got both a tattoo and a tongue piercing without my permission. (she was 18 by then) She's 22 now, and greatly regrets the tattoo, but much to my dismay, still has the tongue piercing. I just try not to look!

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Old September 8th, 2006, 09:05 AM
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Sorry Sue,

Wish I had great words of wisdom. DD wanted to pierce her belly button when in High School. I told her she could do what she wanted when she turned 18. Thankfully she waited. Shortly after her 18 birthday she went to Canada (Sherbrooke, thru that in for our Montrealers who will be familiar with the city) and come home with a belly button ring. Don't know where she got it done, do know that she worked very hard at keeping it clean, but it got infected and within two weeks she took it out and has never revisited that topic again, tho' she did get a second ear piercing. Also, my niece got a small nose ring when she went to college - to celebrate her independence I guess. That too was short lived, within a couple of months she couldn't stand it. Then there is my husband's sister, same age as above mentioned niece. She has four tatoos, a pierced tongue, multiple ear piercings, belly ring (her fiance has nipple rings), and she loves it. She just started teaching and has to try and hide the tats (not sure what she did with the tongue ring). One is pretty hard as it covers her ear.

Keep hanging in there, hopefully she will take it out on her own initiative. Sorry you have to go thru this. Each child has their issues. Parenting isn't always easy, but in the end it is worth all the hard spots.
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Old September 8th, 2006, 10:21 AM
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Thank you all for the kind replies. I am still furious. Angela, she did it herself YUP she had also done her belly button ring herself a while back<which had brought on the nose ring discussion> We as parents made a mistake back then, we did not do anything about the belly B but she knew she wasn't allowed to do it. If we would have had put her on restrictions back then we would not be in this dilemma.<maybe>

Two things speak against this nose ring A> it puts her in a category that she isn't really in B> Its ungodly Just because some Teenagers do it does not mean it's right. Oh well, we will see where we go from here.

Again, thanks for all the replies, it's good to hear other peoples opinions and good ideas
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Old September 8th, 2006, 11:41 AM
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I saw an article this morning on Yahoo news that said a new study out of the UK shows that teenagers brains are still developing after puberty, contrary to the previous held belief that they stopped developing at puberty. The study concluded that this continued development may be responsible for the strange behavior of teenagers. Article is on Yahoo news, made for good reading!
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Old September 8th, 2006, 02:15 PM
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I thoroughly agree with Donna. A nose ring does not seem out of line in todays day and age. My 14yo boy does some strange stuuf but I realize it's his little way of gaining independence in his mind. As a parent when ou say no to them with things like this it just makes them want it more and they find a way to do it anyway. Like Donna said don't sweat it it's only a nose ring there are bigger fish to fry with kids. Funny thing is tell her you are getting one and I bet her reply will be "you can't what will my friends think if they saw my mom with a nose ring" You should be more concerned with things like drugs, alcohol, poor grades stuff like that.
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Old September 8th, 2006, 02:29 PM
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Sue, you need to impose some type of punishment for her actions. She specifically went against your wishes, there needs to be some type of consequence or she will continue to defy you to see what she can get away with.
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Old September 8th, 2006, 02:32 PM
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Yes there should be some sort of punishment for her defiance but I would way the request a little more the next time something occurs
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Old September 8th, 2006, 05:48 PM
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Default Different opinion..sort of

first let me say if you had discussed the topic and your answer was no....then she should have abided by your wishes. My daughter had her nose pierced when she was 17. She came to her father and I, asked, we talked and we let her get the smallest one she could find. She still has it a year and a half later, but if she does decide to take it out the hole will not be visible. We ask her to take it out sometimes for different reasons and if you are not looking for it you can't see it.
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Old September 10th, 2006, 01:02 AM
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rollerdonna,

I hate to sound cliche, but "don't sweat the small stuff".
It's just a nose ring, and she'll eventually tire of it and perhaps remove it, and it will heal over. Of course she did it without permission and against your wishes, but that's how teens exert some sort of independance. In other areas of her life she has improved and not been any trouble lately, be grateful for that.


A nose ring is "small stuff," but disobedience of parental authority by a minor is not. If there are no consequences, the disobedience will grow worse and will happen over things that do not qualify as "small stuff."

Norm.
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Old September 10th, 2006, 01:06 AM
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sue,

This afternoon I picked up our 15th year old daughter from school. I guess she went above our heads and pierced her nose. We are furious. Our daughter has been so good and we have not had any problems with her for a long time. We had discussed this nose thing many times and we had told her NO. She refuses to take it out because according to her there will be a hole now.

I watched "Adventure of the Seas" tonight after all this and told my dh I need a cruise.

What would you do with your daughter?


Let's see... How about (1) a thorough spanking that she will never forget, specifically for her disobedience, AND (2) "grounding" until the hole is healed?

Norm.
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Old September 10th, 2006, 07:39 AM
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Sue,
You could've jumped up and down, preached, grounded her, or many other forms discipline in the past..
I still think she would've done this anyway. Thats just there nature. There not grown yet, but they want to be bad You know how it is at that age. You've got all the answers, and your 10 feet tall and bullet proof So you think anyway

The wife and I are very blessed. We have a great son , who has never gave us any serious problems.I've never had to go get him out of jail, or bail him out of any trouble. Never heard him show disrespect to any older adult. We as a family, could always sit down and talk about his problems; or any issues that was bothering him.

But anyway,.... I went through the same thing with my son, when he was in high school. He wanted a ear ring, and tatoo's. He said its the going thing now, everyone has one. I know you heard that story before .

Anyway, I told him that we would sit down and talk about the tatoo deal. One on one, without momma . And we did . He has 2, saw blades around both arms.(mom has learned to accept it, but still don't like it ) He's a big boy, with weight lifters arms, so it looks pretty good on him.

But... This is where I drew the line..I told him that I was from the old school, where men didn't wear ear rings. And the ear rings and other rings, here and there was NOT going to happen Also wearing his pants down half way across his butt, :evil: was not going to happen around here either

That was 8 years ago, and he still has no ear rings. ( or any other rings) and still has the same 2 tatoo's . None extra.

Best of luck to you;
David

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Old September 10th, 2006, 01:23 PM
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Well several of my kids friends had their noses and other body parts pierced---and for various reasons -- let them close up---no holes--- so I really dont think that the excuse --there will be a hole--- is valid--- maybe a little scare but even that will fade------but the body does heal itself----
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Old September 11th, 2006, 09:17 AM
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Thanks for all the great answrs except spanking...we do not hit and promote violence at all. To hit anything in my opinion is weak and shows no intelligence. Just my opinion! And yes, there will be consequences for her behavior!
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