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Old December 1st, 2007, 11:01 AM
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Default Post Thanksgiving feelings

Thanksgiving is over and I don't want this to start out sounding like Scrooge, but I didn't really have a very good one this year. I lost my Mom 5 years ago two days before Thanksgiving and it seems like the 5 year mark has been my worst and this was a very bad week for me because of that. My BD also fell on TG this year and it seems like the kids were just not there for me this year.

I sent my kids an e-mail two days before TG explaining that I was having a really bad day and never even got a response from any of them about it. I spent a lot of time cleaning and cooking a huge meal for 17 of us and if just seems like the kids feel like it is a chore for them to be here. I have always loved TG and Christmas and was like a kid about Christmas before losing Mom. I have tried for the last 4 years to keep Christmas the same as before, but this year I don't even want a tree. I will go through the motions for the family and put on a happy face, but it sure is hard.

I think next TG, I will leave it to the kids and I will go work at a shelter and then just show up for dinner. I will probably get more out of this.
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Old December 1st, 2007, 11:32 AM
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Dear "Nothing",
I hear you. Old family traditions and holidays can never be the same after you lose a beloved family member. This will be the 3rd Christmas coming up without my mom, and it is still hard. She is the one who held it all together and really made our holiday a special occasion. The rest of us still feel like we are just going through the motions. Maybe, like you say, it's time for a change. Do something else, volunteer at a homeless shelter, feel needed and appreciated again. I harbour a dream of taking the whole family on a holiday cruise one day, but I know that will never happen.
I do try to do things that give me pleasure (making homemade crafts) and donating them to a charity I support, or buying and giving toys to the less fortunate.
Despite the fact that my extended family is not as close as I'd like, and my kids not as appreciative as I'd like, I at least am fortunate enough to have a wonderful, loving, caring and appreciative husband who makes my holidays, as well as every day, special.

donna
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Old December 1st, 2007, 11:55 AM
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Thank you. Every milestone anniversary is hard and I know that from my sister's experience of losing her husband that the 5th year just seems harder to us than the 2nd, 3rd and 4th one. My mom always kept the family together too and Christmas was her Big Day with all the family there. I know that we all looked forward to it and being together. The younger generation just doesn't seem to get it. They don't appreciate traditions of any kind in the throw away society we now live in. It is like the tradition of keeping up the grave sites of our loved ones. We do it, because our mother and grandmother did, but I don't see a lot of gravesites being kept up, nor do I see many younger people at the cemetery when I go.

My "extended" family fell apart after we lost Mamma and it is just so hard on the ones that kept it together.
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Old December 1st, 2007, 03:35 PM
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Back in 04 my DH and I were both diagnosed with cancer within a month before Thanksgiving. My surgery was scheduled for the Monday after and DH's radiation treatment started 2 days later. Our DD stepped in and had both Thanksgiving and Christmas at her house and we've kind of passed things around ever since. My mom even takes a turn occasionally even though her health is not too good.

We've also changed the way we do things, doing things differently every year depending on how we feel. No tradition is sacred - we just go with what feels right at the time. Weve learned the lesson that nothing is forever and we just have to enjoy the time we have. You don't have to do things just because that's the way you always have. Do what feels right and good!
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Old December 1st, 2007, 05:23 PM
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From a personal standpoint, I give thanks every night, around midnight, to our Father, who has allowed me more time on this planet.
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Old December 1st, 2007, 06:06 PM
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I hope you are feeling a bit better today. The holidays can be a wonderful joyous time, but they can also bring a lot of pain and depression for many different reasons.

I like your idea about changing what you do for the holidays and going out and giving of your time to those who really need and appreciate it. I hope you will do that as well as spend time with your family. Things change constantly, and it's hard to keep going sometimes, but reaching out to help and asking others for support is a good direction to go in.

May God bless and keep you in the palm of His hand.

Phyll
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Old December 2nd, 2007, 07:18 PM
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I sure do understand that. I took care of my Mother for many years through her illness. She has been gone for 10 years now. She died in November 97, right before Thanksgiving. For me, being alone, a holiday is just like any other day.

Laura
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Old December 3rd, 2007, 05:59 AM
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holidays are the worse time for lots of reasons...look for ways to start new traditions for next year that includes people that are less fortunate then yourself, which will shift the focus
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Old December 3rd, 2007, 08:22 AM
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It sounds like you should start implementing change. It might stimulate the rest of the family to wonder why you needed a change and might get your kids thinking of themselves and what they need/want, and what others around them need. It maybe just the thing to jump start some dialog in your family, weed thru traditions that are no longer meaningful, and may just be the start of some new traditions that can reunite the family somehow. Don't give up, just decided that you need a change, and it is ok. We carry heavy loads of guilt and dissatisfaction that no one puts on our shoulders but us. I have had the chance to share this same type of message with another friend earlier, so I know that I must need to implement it too. I too am feeling the strain of holidays that no longer seem special. So I guess I need to figure out how to make them meaningful and special to me, and the rest can either climb aboard or just stay stagnate.
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Old December 3rd, 2007, 05:19 PM
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Thanks to all of you who responded with kind words and encouragement. Thanksgiving was a very bad week for me. I don't know why, but it seems like the 5 year mark was just worse than the other years since losing my mom. I lost my dad and my father in law 3 years ago, but it is just harder losing your Mother and knowing that she died due to hospital staff errors, on the day she was to be released from the hospital.

I do plan on doing something different next Thanksgiving, probably serving meals in a shelter and hope the kids invite me for dinner, or I may just go to a cabin in the woods for a few days.
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2003 Holiday
2004 Fantasy
2005 Holiday, Sensation, Conquest,
2006 Conquest, Celebration, Holiday,
2007 Freedom Grand Med, Holiday
2008 Fantasy & Sensation,
2009 Fantasy, Holiday & Dream Grand Med
2010 Fantasy and B2B Elation
2011 Monarch of the Seas
2012 Booked - Breeze from Barcelona 12 days
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Old December 3rd, 2007, 05:45 PM
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you'll be alright..remember there are folks in alot worse shape then you are..just ask anyone living in New Orleans
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