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Old January 4th, 2010, 09:00 PM
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Default Thinking about having our first child...but really nervous

My wife (29) and I (30) never wanted kids and always said we would never have any. About 6 months ago I started to somewhat reconsider the idea but never really brought it up to DW. Well last month my wife and I did talk about it and decided we did want to have a baby as she was feeling the same way. We're both really excited and have our first pre-natal appointment next week to have DW checked out prior to us trying and to probably change a med she is on.

I'm starting to get really scared about this now but am still really excited. I've been a mixed bag of emotions lately. I get excited and want to tell everyone we are going to start trying ( I was always very adamant about not wanting one before so they will be shocked). Then next thing I know I'm worrying about everything. Am I really cut out to be a father? Can we really handle this? Are we ready for this huge change of lifestyle? (I think I'll miss cruising the most the first few years!) Are we financially ready? I'm not having second thoughts or getting cold feet but I'm already nervous about it all and nothing even really has happened yet. I can't imagine how I'll be as time goes on.

Is this all normal? The only thing I can really do anything about to calm my worries is finances. We both have decent jobs, I'm working on paying off all our debt and putting away money each week to get used to not spending as much (on needless things).

Perhaps I'll feel better as time goes on, especially after she becomes pregnant...

Last edited by hockeynut; January 4th, 2010 at 09:11 PM.
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Old January 6th, 2010, 08:51 AM
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I think it is normal to be filled with questions and emotions - it is a big decision. If you care this much about the process than I would say that you are cut out to be a dad. Not just a dad, but a great dad. Hope to hear some good news from you soon.
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Old January 6th, 2010, 09:13 AM
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First off, congrats on the most exciting chapter of your lives together!

Secondly, it is encouraging to see that you are nervous, but happy. It means that you understand the humongous responsibility of being a parent.

I have some good news, cruising is a wonderful vacation choice for families with young children. We actually started cruising when our youngest child was 2, and we have found it is a terrific way to enjoy a relaxing getaway, and the kids enjoy it as much as we do. It is also very affordable for a family of 3 or 4 (third and fourth passenger rate is usually very minimal)

You sound a lot like my husband did when we first decided we wanted to have a baby. He actually kept a journal during my pregnancies and the kids love to hear what their Dad had to write about the whole experience, especially the days leading up to their birth. The getting pregnant part was an interesting process and we had a lot of laughs regarding what all was involved from a medical standpoint. It drew us closer as a couple and I wouldn't trade those memories for anything.

So with that I will leave you with this admonition... go forth and multiply. Don't forget to enjoy yourself and try to relax.
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Old January 6th, 2010, 09:54 AM
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Oh Boy you have some soul searching to do. First of all, having a baby is something that is sometimes made to believe as the right thing to do, even when the couple have many doubts about having a baby.

I am the product of a couple who were pressured into having children, even thought they really didn't want any. Back then it meant that something was wrong with the couple who did not have a baby.

Once the babies came, the couple realized that the decision was all wrong for them.

Remember, babies are cute at birth, and you get all this attention, but those babies grow up, and they don't seem so cute anymore.

Take time to go back and listen to your gut, and why you felt that way. If then you feel the need, then I can tell you , it is one of the most rewarding experiences you will ever have.

If what you desire is to be around children, then there is a need for kids that are already here, such as realitives, and the Big Brother program, and even signing up as a foster parent. This will give you a way out, if it turns out your gut was right in the first place.

Good luck and God Bless you and your wife.
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Old January 6th, 2010, 07:30 PM
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hockeynut,

Quote:
Originally Posted by You View Post
My wife (29) and I (30) never wanted kids and always said we would never have any. About 6 months ago I started to somewhat reconsider the idea but never really brought it up to DW. Well last month my wife and I did talk about it and decided we did want to have a baby as she was feeling the same way. We're both really excited and have our first pre-natal appointment next week to have DW checked out prior to us trying and to probably change a med she is on.

I'm starting to get really scared about this now but am still really excited. I've been a mixed bag of emotions lately. I get excited and want to tell everyone we are going to start trying ( I was always very adamant about not wanting one before so they will be shocked). Then next thing I know I'm worrying about everything. Am I really cut out to be a father? Can we really handle this? Are we ready for this huge change of lifestyle? (I think I'll miss cruising the most the first few years!) Are we financially ready? I'm not having second thoughts or getting cold feet but I'm already nervous about it all and nothing even really has happened yet. I can't imagine how I'll be as time goes on.

Is this all normal? The only thing I can really do anything about to calm my worries is finances. We both have decent jobs, I'm working on paying off all our debt and putting away money each week to get used to not spending as much (on needless things).

Perhaps I'll feel better as time goes on, especially after she becomes pregnant...
Yes, I think that this sort of anxiety is pretty normal whenever one is doing something for the first time, and espeically so when it's a major undertaking.

In terms of relational dynamics, the only real concern would be if you and your wife are bored with life together and thus reconsidered in the hipe that a child might bring some new excitement to your relationship -- and I am not picking up vibes of that sort of problem from your post, but it is a common dynamic. If that's the case, it would be a really good idea to spend some time together with a marriage counsellor and figure out where you really stand before complicating matters with a child.

From a financial perspective, it certainly would be prudent to finish paying off your debts, other than a mortgage on your home, and squirrel away some savngs before conceiving a child if you can do so. You and your wife really don't want the pressure of having to work extra jobs with the responsibility of caring for an infant.

And, finally, there's no reason why having a child means that you have to stop cruising, though you will have to take a haitus of ten months or so for each pregnancy (you can manage that, can't you?). Most of the major cruise lines forbid (1) women who will enter the last trimester of pregnacy before the end of the cruise and (2) on cruises that operate from North America, infants less than six months of age. (They forbid children less than one year of age on cruises to other destinations.) On most ships, a small suite or "minisuite," or even a "deluxe" or "handicapped" cabin, will have plenty of open deck space for a folding travel playpen/crib unit, which would be ideal for cruising with an infant.

Norm.
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Old January 8th, 2010, 09:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VTJen View Post
I think it is normal to be filled with questions and emotions - it is a big decision. If you care this much about the process than I would say that you are cut out to be a dad. Not just a dad, but a great dad. Hope to hear some good news from you soon.
Thanks so much!

Quote:
Originally Posted by beenie weenie View Post

I have some good news, cruising is a wonderful vacation choice for families with young children. We actually started cruising when our youngest child was 2, and we have found it is a terrific way to enjoy a relaxing getaway, and the kids enjoy it as much as we do. It is also very affordable for a family of 3 or 4 (third and fourth passenger rate is usually very minimal)

You sound a lot like my husband did when we first decided we wanted to have a baby. He actually kept a journal during my pregnancies and the kids love to hear what their Dad had to write about the whole experience, especially the days leading up to their birth. The getting pregnant part was an interesting process and we had a lot of laughs regarding what all was involved from a medical standpoint. It drew us closer as a couple and I wouldn't trade those memories for anything.

So with that I will leave you with this admonition... go forth and multiply. Don't forget to enjoy yourself and try to relax.
Thats true about cruising with kids. I never really noticed it much but I started looking at the kids programs and many of the lines seem to have decent programs for them. The journal your husband kept sounds interesting and must of been a very nice keepsake!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Luanne Russo View Post
Oh Boy you have some soul searching to do. First of all, having a baby is something that is sometimes made to believe as the right thing to do, even when the couple have many doubts about having a baby.

I am the product of a couple who were pressured into having children, even thought they really didn't want any. Back then it meant that something was wrong with the couple who did not have a baby.

Once the babies came, the couple realized that the decision was all wrong for them.

Remember, babies are cute at birth, and you get all this attention, but those babies grow up, and they don't seem so cute anymore.

Take time to go back and listen to your gut, and why you felt that way. If then you feel the need, then I can tell you , it is one of the most rewarding experiences you will ever have.

If what you desire is to be around children, then there is a need for kids that are already here, such as realitives, and the Big Brother program, and even signing up as a foster parent. This will give you a way out, if it turns out your gut was right in the first place.

Good luck and God Bless you and your wife.
Thanks. We talked about it again and went over how things will change as her first appointment to get checked out is this Monday and we both agreed again that we are ready to start the next chapter in our lives. I think before, I was younger and still in that freedom/partying mood and have settled down now as have many of our friends so the time does seem right for us.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev22:17 View Post
hockeynut,



Yes, I think that this sort of anxiety is pretty normal whenever one is doing something for the first time, and espeically so when it's a major undertaking.

In terms of relational dynamics, the only real concern would be if you and your wife are bored with life together and thus reconsidered in the hipe that a child might bring some new excitement to your relationship -- and I am not picking up vibes of that sort of problem from your post, but it is a common dynamic. If that's the case, it would be a really good idea to spend some time together with a marriage counsellor and figure out where you really stand before complicating matters with a child.

From a financial perspective, it certainly would be prudent to finish paying off your debts, other than a mortgage on your home, and squirrel away some savngs before conceiving a child if you can do so. You and your wife really don't want the pressure of having to work extra jobs with the responsibility of caring for an infant.

And, finally, there's no reason why having a child means that you have to stop cruising, though you will have to take a haitus of ten months or so for each pregnancy (you can manage that, can't you?). Most of the major cruise lines forbid (1) women who will enter the last trimester of pregnacy before the end of the cruise and (2) on cruises that operate from North America, infants less than six months of age. (They forbid children less than one year of age on cruises to other destinations.) On most ships, a small suite or "minisuite," or even a "deluxe" or "handicapped" cabin, will have plenty of open deck space for a folding travel playpen/crib unit, which would be ideal for cruising with an infant.

Norm.
Thanks for the advice! Luckily, my wife and I are very happy together and definitely not bored with each other but I do know what you mean as I have known couples that have had kids to try to "save the marriage" and it usually just makes things worse.

We already talked about not cruising next year and we're fine with that. We actually have a cruise booked in April because of that reason. I figured it was good to get 1 last cruise in and enjoy ourselves. Not taking a cruise next year will save us some money to put towards the baby anyways and it was one of the many sacrifices my wife and I talked about making. Once it is a little older and we know how it is then maybe we can consider cruising again.


Thanks to all for the advice!
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