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Old August 26th, 2012, 12:08 PM
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Default At what age do you stop caring what your parents think about you?

My siblings seemed to never get over what my parents thought of them, they could be crushed or elated by little things my parents would say. As a result I don't think either one of them ever really "launched" very well (seen the movie "Failure to Launch?")

On the other hand - I decided when I was about 25 that I was not going to make decisions based on pleasing my parents anymore (I think a relatively young age) and that I was going to live my own life. As a result I had a nice, independent adventurous life, and I am happy about that.

Do you still care what your parents think about you (be honest) and if not - at what age did you realize that was not the ticket to happiness?
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Old August 26th, 2012, 12:18 PM
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My siblings seemed to never get over what my parents thought of them, they could be crushed or elated by little things my parents would say. As a result I don't think either one of them ever really "launched" very well (seen the movie "Failure to Launch?")

On the other hand - I decided when I was about 25 that I was not going to make decisions based on pleasing my parents anymore (I think a relatively young age) and that I was going to live my own life. As a result I had a nice, independent adventurous life, and I am happy about that.

Do you still care what your parents think about you (be honest) and if not - at what age did you realize that was not the ticket to happiness?

There is a difference in "caring what your parents think about you" and making life decisions based on that.

I always cared about what my parents thought of me and I wanted to be the type of person they would be proud of and they were. My parents were not judgmental or had my future planned when I was born. My father's philosophy was that I should do what makes me happy and if you are going to do something you do it the best that you can. That could be a garbage man or a doctor.

My family grew up to be a variety of occupations and lifestyles. All were accepted by my parents. Some things were not "approved" but all were accepted as long as they weren't illegal or dangerous to us or others.

I hear about the issues that others had with their parents and I look back and realize that I had a couple of great parents.

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Old August 26th, 2012, 12:36 PM
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I had great parents, too... and they always treated us with unconditional love as well.

I think this question concerns the off-spring more than the parents.

Many "kids" even as grown-ups go their entire lives afraid to make a move that they think their parents will disapprove of - picking the right spouse, moving to a different city, taking a certain job. On the other hand, I believe most people reach a point where they realize the disapproval of their parents doesn't matter - as long as they are making good choices for themselves.

A good example - my parent could not understand why I wanted to work on cruise ships - they thought it was a crazy idea. I think they believed I would get lost in the third world.

My brother was so acclimated to Phoenix (where my parents live) he couldn't even come and visit me in New York City - it was too complicated to think about being in the city.

While other people at some point realize that their first responsibility in the happiness department is to themselves - and they decide to make choices based on what they want in life - not what they think will make their parents proudest of them. I also think some people never get past worrying what their parents will think their entire lives - even though in most cases the parents just want the kids to be happy.
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Old August 26th, 2012, 05:31 PM
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I know the EXACT moment I stopped caring what my parents think.

At 5:10 PM 3-21-1987.

That is when I got luggage for my 18th birthday
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Old August 26th, 2012, 05:33 PM
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Originally Posted by BigMac View Post
I know the EXACT moment I stopped caring what my parents think.

At 5:10 PM 3-21-1987.

That is when I got luggage for my 18th birthday


At least they gave you a nice sendoff. I'll never forget the smile on Dad's face when I was 18 and said "I'm movin' out." (and my smile was pretty big, too).
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Old August 26th, 2012, 05:35 PM
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But seriously, it wasn't until I was about 26 or so that I fully realized I had this affliction where before I made any move I thought "what will mom & dad think?"

But at that age I suddenly realized, "hey, whatever they think, its my decision and they will just have to deal with it."
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Old August 26th, 2012, 05:48 PM
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My mom and dad did not hear from me till I got together with my wife. (she's done lots of good things for me)

I guess 2 years went buy after I moved out before I talked with my parents.

Please don't get me wrong, I was fully able to take good care of myself. I went into the world prepaired.
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Old August 26th, 2012, 06:18 PM
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18 for me too.

I was in the Marine Corps a week after high school graduation so it didn't matter what my mother thought about anything.
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Old August 26th, 2012, 07:23 PM
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I was concerned always about my parents perception of what I did .
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Old August 26th, 2012, 08:42 PM
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As a teen there was a time where I didnít really care what my parents thought. Do I care what my mom thinks of my choices as an adult, maybe a little but no too much. I care more about what my son thinks about my past choices although. This is a question I probably need to sit and ponder about but this is my first response.
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Old August 26th, 2012, 08:49 PM
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My parents came to the US not speaking a word of english .They self educated themselves while working in factories .
When my father retired he was a labor union President . He wanted me to follow in his footsteps but not as he did .It was important to him that I graduate college and get a good job .I valued the opinions of both of my parents always.
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Old August 26th, 2012, 10:21 PM
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I would say it has to do with what type parents you have / had. If they were over bearing, demanding, trying to make you into something you didn't want to be, naturally at some point you would probably will / would become immune to how or what they think / thought about your lifestyle, etc.
I feel fortunate to have had parents that wanted us kids to be honest, courteous, kind and generally grow up to become good people and citizens. I never really quit caring about what my parents thought about me--I wanted them to be proud of me, which they were, as I was of them.
Like Mike, I look back and realize I had great parents--not over bearing--not nosy, but with expectations that us kids would grow up to be the best we could at whatever we chose to do, and to do it honestly, mindful of our fellow man.
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Old August 26th, 2012, 10:56 PM
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Like Mike, I never stopped caring about what they thought, but they never tried to influence me strongly on any important issue that was rightfully "my call," including where I went to college, where I went to work and what I did, who I married and when, where I lived, and all the rest. All they ever did was lend support and love. When I asked for advice (which I did), they gave it, but never in a way that implied that theirs was the only right answer. I never went back to live at home after graduation from college, but we stayed very close all their lives.

They very deliberately brought me up to be independent in every possible way, and they were more than happy to reap the fruits of that point of view. They always felt that their trust in me was amply rewarded, and in retrospect I'm comfortable that I didn't let them down.

We try to pay that attitude forward with our kids. So far, so good.
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Old August 26th, 2012, 11:28 PM
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I'm sure all of us would want our parents to be proud of us and to know they raised good humans but I donít feel itís necessary for my mom to approve of the decisions I make for my life. I donít think my mom would want me to worry about making a decision that would please her if it wasnít right for me. She may not like it my decision but I feel sheís confident enough and knows she did do a great job at raising a good person and that the decision I do make are probably whatís right for me at that time.
I know we please my mom just by being the loving & kind kids she raised us to be.
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Old August 26th, 2012, 11:47 PM
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I have to say that in this regard, I too was pretty much like Mike. My father died when I was 15 and I wanted my mother to be proud of me. I don't think she ever was because I never went to college but she seemed pleased at what I did accomplish, especially when I won an election (by the largest margin in that district's history (that goes back to the 1780's) in which I wasn't given a snowball's chance in hell of even placing, much less winning. Oh, and I beat both of my opponents combined.

I know, I know.....guess there were a lot of stupid people who moved into the area before the election.
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Old August 26th, 2012, 11:53 PM
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I have to say that in this regard, I too was pretty much like Mike. My father died when I was 15 and I wanted my mother to be proud of me. I don't think she ever was because I never went to college but she seemed pleased at what I did accomplish, especially when I won an election (by the largest margin in that district's history (that goes back to the 1780's) in which I wasn't given a snowball's chance in hell of even placing, much less winning. Oh, and I beat both of my opponents combined.

I know, I know.....guess there were a lot of stupid people who moved into the area before the election.
I'm sure she was more proud of you then you think. From what I know of you how could she not be.
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Old August 27th, 2012, 10:12 AM
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When I was a teenager and finally moved out on my own I quit caring what my parents thought of me. Those were tough years, wife was a alcoholic/druggy and I drank and did drugs too. Around the time I was 28 and divorced from my first wife, I started to care again and wanted to make my Dad and Mom proud of me. I met my current wife during that time and she helped to turn me around!
Mom and Dad was supportive of us doing whatever made us happy. We moved away from our home area in 1997 and have lived in several different states before finally settling down here in Tennessee. My parents never tried to tell us what to do or where to live. Dad died in 1998 and my mother just this last April. The thing my mother always told me is that she was glad I was happy, that is all she ever wanted for me.
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Old August 27th, 2012, 10:56 AM
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I like Mike M's response. My parents seemed to care deeply for their parents but lived their own lives. I guess that is the way I was raised.
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Old August 27th, 2012, 10:22 PM
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Stopped caring what they thought pobablyat 12...lol...but only because Ikew they trusted me enough to make my own choices and destiny. Still do try and make them proud, but if they don't agree with what I am doing, it still do what would make me happy...not them

But still scared of my mom...lol.....watch my language around hr, he will still smack mef or swearing!
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