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Old January 23rd, 2013, 07:57 AM
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Default This Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

They're back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators. ~Will Rogers

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Old January 23rd, 2013, 08:34 AM
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Great read while waking up and drinking first cup of coffee, love them...
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 10:43 AM
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Thanks for sharing. They make i smile
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 11:18 AM
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This becomes a mystery:For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

If you have children and DO know is there not a nursery downstairs?
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 11:42 AM
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These are great ,thanks for sharing .
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Old January 24th, 2013, 12:25 AM
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Hahahahaha! LOVED IT!!!
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Old January 24th, 2013, 07:28 AM
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Some of those are clearly a result of "auto correct" suggestions being selected in a hurry.

Computers and Church secretaries have a difficult time coexisting, on occasion.
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Old January 24th, 2013, 08:39 AM
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We had a friend who was a church secretary "back in the day" sometimes she had troubles with the typewriter. She knew she would hear about it on Monday morning, and she know from whom she would hear it, the same group of proofreaders.
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Old January 25th, 2013, 06:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ship2shore View Post
Some of those are clearly a result of "auto correct" suggestions being selected in a hurry.

Computers and Church secretaries have a difficult time coexisting, on occasion.
Some may be due to auto-correct; others are clearly due to deliberate comedy writing. The thing I'm most trying to get my head around is any group of 8th graders doing Hamlet. I'd buy a ticket to that in a heartbeat. The Bard has survived tons of different interpretations, but this one seems really special. I'm trying to imagine the director explaining to a 13-year-old girl how to pull of Queen Gert's scenes where she goes nuts. I know what I'd say to her. . .

"Pretend your parents have just confiscated your cell phone. That's the attitude I want."

Oh, wait. Parents don't confiscate cell phones. They're too scared their kiddies will be scarred.
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Old January 25th, 2013, 08:02 PM
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Prayer and medication to follow.........sounds about right.
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Old January 26th, 2013, 08:18 AM
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Great lines indeed! When I saw the post title, I couldn't help but think about a wonderful song, that very few people ever heard, written by the late, great Nat King Cole. "This Will Make You Laugh". Wonderful song.

"SKY"
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