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Old March 1st, 2013, 08:18 PM
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Default When Life Gives You Lemons, You Laugh

Jim had asked his boss to send him any changes once today got here. This is what he sent.


The Latest Sequestration Message for Travel

In case you missed the latest SEQUESTRATION message for travel, here are the
new rules: TDY/TAD Travel

In keeping with the latest round of DOD budget cuts, changes will be made to
the Joint Travel Regulations (JTR). Effective Monday the following revised
procedures apply:

Lodging: All DOD personnel performing temporary duty (TDY) are encouraged to
stay with relatives and friends while on government business travel. If
weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary
lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide
shelter in periods of inclement weather.

Transportation: Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of
commercial transport. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all personnel
prior to their departure on TDY. Bus transportation will be used only when
work schedules require such travel. Airline tickets will be authorized in
extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example, if a
meeting is scheduled in Omaha NE, but a lower fare can be obtained by
traveling to San Diego CA, then travel to San Diego will be substituted for
travel to Omaha.

Meals: Expenditures for meals will be limited to an absolute minimum. It
should be noted that certain grocery and specialty chains, such as Costco,
Hickory Farms, General Nutrition centers, and occasionally Safeway often
provide free samples of promotional items. Entire meals can be obtained in
this manner. We realize many of you survive your weekends this way. Travelers
should also be familiar with indigenous roots, berries, and other protein
sources available at their destinations. If restaurants must be utilized,
travelers should use "all you can eat" salad bars. This is especially
effective for employees traveling together as one plate can be used to feed
the entire group. DOD Personnel are also encouraged to bring their own food on
business travel. Cans of tuna fish, Spam, and Musubi (traveling from LANT,
Beefaroni) can be consumed at your leisure without the bother of heating or
costly preparation. Cost of these items will not be reimbursed.

Miscellaneous: All DOD personnel are encouraged to devise innovative
techniques in effort to save tax dollars. One enterprising individual has
already suggested that money could be raised during airport layover periods,
which could be used to defray travel expenses. In support of this idea, red
caps will be issued to all personnel prior to their departure so that they may
earn tips by helping others with their luggage. Small plastic roses and
ballpoint pens will also be available to personnel so that sales may be made
as time permits. Proceeds must be turned into the DOD finance section at the
conclusion of the TDY. We welcome any suggestions for further fiscal
innovations. Remember, "We invite you to be a Waste Buster..."

Have a great afternoon and Evening,

KenClassification: UNCLASSIFIED
Caveats: NONE




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Old March 1st, 2013, 08:36 PM
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
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Old March 1st, 2013, 09:04 PM
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Is that for real?

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Old March 1st, 2013, 09:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Manuel View Post
Is that for real?

TM

NO it isn't real. The guys are concerned, and he wanted to give everyone a reason to laugh.
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Old March 1st, 2013, 09:52 PM
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In that case, it is funny.

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Old March 2nd, 2013, 07:20 AM
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Thanks Luanne. It started my day off with a good laugh!
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Old March 7th, 2013, 12:41 PM
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It's so funny - it's making me cry
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