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-   -   I Need Some Hugs (http://www.cruisemates.com/forum/chit-chat-cruisers/398850-i-need-some-hugs.html)

dezertcruzer September 19th, 2013 01:17 AM

I Need Some Hugs
 
I need some hugs. Last Thursday afternoon I got a call from my brother who lives in Flagstaff that our 90 year old mother had all of a sudden gone downhill, and, practically overnight, she was on her deathbed.

I hurried up to Flagstaff and was able to spend some time sitting by her beside, stroking her hair, her face, and her hands. I talked to her, reminisced about our family life while I was growing up, and let her know that she had been the best Mom ever, and it was OK to relax and let go when she was ready.

She left us, peacefully, on Saturday morning about 11:30. I am holding up OK, but the sadness just hangs over me. I wouldn't have wanted her to linger and suffer, but I am really, really sad and having a hard time realizing that she is really gone.

Jose and I have had plans for several months to take a 5-day vacation to southern California, leaving this Saturday, the 21st. After discussing it, we have decided to go ahead and go. I know my mom wouldn't want me to sit around and miss out on the trip we had planned, and maybe getting out and being distracted by the activity will help me deal with my sadness.

I know I was very lucky to have had my parents with me until such nice ripe old ages, but it doesn't make the void caused by their absence any less.

Thanks for letting me "cry" on your shoulders.

Lisa September 19th, 2013 01:23 AM

Cry away Jennifer! You know that I know what you are going through and it does help to "get it all out", and yet you will still feel the loss for a long time. Go and have a great trip; relax and spend time with Jose and remember the good things.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

rollerdonna September 19th, 2013 08:36 AM

((((HUGS)))) to you Jennifer, I know how hard it is, but getting away with Jose is probably the best thing you can do. Your mother wouldn't have wanted you to mope, so go out and do what you had planned.
A few months after my mom had passed, I took the whole family on a cruise, first time for my daughter, and it was good for the soul...
Thnking of you...

donna

Donna September 19th, 2013 09:23 AM

Jennifer,
So sorry for the loss of your mom, I know how it feels....Hugs coming your way....Go and try to enjoy a few days in Ca....yep, your mother would of wanted you to go on with your life...

Aerogirl September 19th, 2013 10:46 AM

I'm sorry to hear of your loss {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
You should go because your right she would want yo to go, it will do you good to get always for the few days.

Trip September 19th, 2013 11:03 AM

Jennifer,that you were with your Mom at the very end is comforting,and I send you a hug,and a smooch. The wonderful memories of your Mom, tucked in your heart, will make this trip, a joy to her memory.

Cruznut2 September 19th, 2013 12:54 PM

Jennifer, I am so sorry to hear this news. To be with her at the end was such a blessing for her. I am sure she was aware of your presence and was comforted by it. Tae your vacation with Jose your Mother would want you to. Hugs and prayers for you.

Laura

Kuki September 19th, 2013 01:04 PM

Jennifer... first off my condolences on your loss. No matter where you go you'll have the memories of your mother and your relationship with you.

Time makes the loss a little easier, but I know, coming up on the 5th anniversary of my father's passing, I still think of him every single day, and I miss him. But it helps a lot knowing that as good as he was he must be in a better place.

Haimia September 19th, 2013 03:19 PM

(((HUGS))) So sorry to hear this news and thinking of you!

Try to relax, remember the good and enjoy your trip!

Moiraine September 19th, 2013 05:10 PM

(((((Jennifer)))))

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 16 months ago and it still hurts. Please go and try to relax. Your mom would have wanted you to go. Take good care of yourself.

dezertcruzer September 19th, 2013 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kuki (Post 1484951)
Jennifer... first off my condolences on your loss. No matter where you go you'll have the memories of your mother and your relationship with you.

Time makes the loss a little easier, but I know, coming up on the 5th anniversary of my father's passing, I still think of him every single day, and I miss him. But it helps a lot knowing that as good as he was he must be in a better place.

Kuki, I too still miss my father every day and I probably will for the rest of time. I think of you sometimes when I think of him, because you and I lost our fathers so close in time. I'm sure I'll miss my mother every day from now on as well. At least I can take comfort in the fact that they are together once again.

Thank you all for your kind and comforting words. Cruise Mates make a wonderful support system!

ToddDH September 20th, 2013 07:20 AM

Jennifer,

As I long ago learned, the support and love offered by your Cruisemates, is a truly sustaining force during times of trial simply because we all are so very sincere. You do indeed have a family here on which to lean in times of trial.

As has been amply pointed out, your memories will bring you comfort and as time passes, those fond memories will transcend much of the sadness and loss you now experience. Yes, the sense of loss will remain with you and that is good simply because such feelings will serve to trigger those marvelous memories.

God Bless you Jennifer and may you experience, "The Peace that passeth all understanding."

Love,

TDH

travelgalSue September 20th, 2013 11:23 AM

So sorry about your mother. HUGS to you. I myself went through this a little over a year ago and I can say it does get a little easier everyday. I think of Mom & Dad every day but I know they are in a better place together. Hope you can enjoy your trip and relax. You can let the tears fall whenever you need to it does help. again HUGS coming your way along with prayers.

Luanne Russo September 20th, 2013 11:38 AM

Jennifer, I am so sorry for your loss. My good thoughts and prayers are with you, as you find your new normal. It won't be easy, but you have all of us standing with you.

Jason September 20th, 2013 01:27 PM

Jennifer, Here is a big, big, hug…
It is normal to grieve, but it is wonderful to be able celebrate their lives. Take this time to commemorate and honor, as we do for so many of our heroes. My mother was my best friend and to this day things happen that make me believe she is still with me.
hmmmmm "I knew I had to come to this sight today for something"

rayb September 20th, 2013 09:57 PM

A late condolence is going to you Jennifer and your family. I know your feelings because you know I lost Helen over 2 yeas ago, But she is still with me in spirit. I wear her ring around my neck every day .

Glad you will enjoy your trip. Your mother wanted you to enjoy.

RayB

UConn1 September 20th, 2013 10:26 PM

Hugs to you Jennifer. I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Please enjoy your time in CA as best you can, as others have said, you always have the happy memories that you can revisit anytime.

Jodi

dezertcruzer September 21st, 2013 01:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jason (Post 1485045)
Jennifer, Here is a big, big, hug…
It is normal to grieve, but it is wonderful to be able celebrate their lives. Take this time to commemorate and honor, as we do for so many of our heroes. My mother was my best friend and to this day things happen that make me believe she is still with me.
hmmmmm "I knew I had to come to this sight today for something"

Jason, I do remember your posts about your mom, including her key lime cookie recipe. I also remember when you lost her and how hard it was for you. Thank you for your encouraging words at this sad time for me.

belgique September 21st, 2013 01:43 AM

Warm hugs coming your way. It is difficult to lose a parent, no matter how old they are or how old you are.

It's so good you were able to be with her and comfort her. She is now in Heaven, whole, healthy, and looking down on you with love.

CruisinK n J September 23rd, 2013 04:54 PM

I Need Some Hugs
 
Jennifer, I don't know if you'll read this or not. First, I am sorry for your loss. I lost my father in l991, and I still think of him often. I was in Minnesota for the last four days and visited his grave.

On Saturday, we celebrated my mother's 97th birthday. She has dementia. I, too, will experience that sadness that you are going through. I felt it as I listened to the dementia that has taken over her mind.

I hope your trip gave you some peace and helped with the mourning process.

Judy

dezertcruzer September 27th, 2013 01:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CruisinK n J (Post 1485296)
Jennifer, I don't know if you'll read this or not. First, I am sorry for your loss. I lost my father in l991, and I still think of him often. I was in Minnesota for the last four days and visited his grave.

On Saturday, we celebrated my mother's 97th birthday. She has dementia. I, too, will experience that sadness that you are going through. I felt it as I listened to the dementia that has taken over her mind.

I hope your trip gave you some peace and helped with the mourning process.

Judy

Judy,
Thank you for your condolences. I feel so deeply for you, and others like you, whose parents' bodies live on, but the essence of who they are is so deeply hidden in their minds that it seems to be unreachable. I was SO lucky that both of my parents were still sharp as tacks right up until the end. I wish for you the strength that you need to deal with this loss of contact with your mother.


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