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jimcruiser July 18th, 2003 07:31 AM

Fraternization Policy
Recently I was the focus of an unwanted sexual advance (by a staff member) on a cruise ship. Since I'm male, the advance was no big deal to me (although my wife saw it otherwise). I'm wondering about the fraternization policies on cruise ships. I've been told that sex with passengers is common.



DanaB July 23rd, 2003 06:12 PM

Re: Fraternization Policy
Policies vary from ship to ship, but other than officers, there really is not supposed to be any fraternization of the crew with passengers. I think RCCL has the strictest rules, the crew are not to even take up any space in any public area on the ship unless he/she is working, that is unless he/she is an officer. If you have a complaint about an unwanted sexual advance from a crew member, I would take it up with the crew member's supervisor (if she works in the dining room, see the Maitre'D, if she works in housekeeping, call for the head housekeeper, etc).


Jim Bragg July 26th, 2003 05:35 PM

Re: Fraternization Policy
Aside from the report I rather doubt that it was serious in any way, just your perception. Frat policies are VERY strict and can get the crew member fired and in many cases put off in the next port. I have many close friends who are crew and one who is so close she is like a family member. Whenever we sailed with her she could not come in our room, she could not give me a kiss hello or goodbye, just a hug, and and contact had to be very much open, brief, and non-personal. She was not even allowed to sit with us in one of the bars! I might add that she has Officer status as well, a regular crew has even more restrictions on them. Sex between passengers and crew is a fantasy that some like to perpetuate.

Pete August 1st, 2003 09:20 AM

Re: Fraternization Policy
We asked on Cunard about this. We were told (by a bar tender) that ANY sort of personal intimate contact between crew and passengers is TOTALLY forbidden. Furthermore, the only crew members permitted in your cabin are those which have a direct need to be there. ie. Your room steward or (for example) an engineer sent to repair something.

It goes further. If a crew member DOES go into a passenger's cabin without a legitimate reason, then other crew members will report this. This is because the law abiding crew members do not want to be put under suspicion if something goes missing from a cabin and a massive witch hunt goes on for 'who done it?'

A hand shake is permissable. That really is about it.

Ps. Any passenger who attempts to entice a crew member into their cabin or develop a realtionship with them should be aware of the extremely strong likelyhood of ruining that person's career prospects and causing much upset amongst the crew.

matty August 7th, 2003 03:25 AM

Re: Fraternization Policy
I workt on ships for 1 year and 8 month, contact with the passengers is a BIG no no
yes if you whant to go home the next day it is an option.........

i cant se that a crewmember woud start a realtionship...... but you never know

we had a lot of problems on board the ship passenger`s where bringing ther 18 year old dother on baord an then talk to a crew member and tell them that she was 21
after the start to talk and " Fraternization " the woud sue the cruisline for a lot of money

it hapend 2 times........ so" Fraternization " is a big NO NO


inky August 31st, 2003 08:35 PM

Re: Fraternization Policy
I used to work for the now-defunct "Royal Cruise Lines" in the late 80's and early 90's. I worked in reservations, and not on the ships themselves. During this time, I took 2-3 cruises per year aboard their vessels. Although not common, sexual interludes do occur occasionally between crew and passengers (Yes, I know this to be true, and I'll end it right there). Most interaction is between two males, and does not occur in anyone's cabins. It is very discreet, and goes unnoticed by others.

BC March 26th, 2004 05:48 AM

Re: Re: Fraternization Policy
hmmm INKY, sounds very hot to me......hope I get a chance to try......Dawn Princess, 3/28

margotshp March 28th, 2004 04:06 PM

Re: Fraternization Policy
In my opinion rather passengers try to have romance on board the ship to have something to talk about when they go back home. Crew members are working and have no time for that (!) Of course there are exeptions for sure but as I noticed in most cases passengers start those things... I had a few offers each week but never accepted them... not only because it was not allowed by the ship rules.

Chenelle April 8th, 2004 01:20 PM

Re: Fraternization Policy
I am not a crew member, nor have I ever been, but wanted to throw a few words in here. When I was 18 (8 years ago), single, and a passenger on Princess, I was given sooooo much attention by the crew-- welcome with one person, not at all with others--- that it is hard to believe anyone would think it doesn't happen!

I was given free drinks in a room off the dining area (for crew only), champagne was left in my room for free, a pin that crew members wear was made with my name on it, I went up to a basketball court with a dining staff worker, 2 dining staff members came to visit my friend and I in our rooms, etc. The list truly does go on. The physical contact stopped at a kiss with one person, but only because I literally pushed the guys away. My friend established a rather quasi-relationship both on board and off board with 1 guy from the dining staff.

My point... it DOES happen, and apparently quite often, as I've also witnessed this with someone else aboard Royal Caribbean. I don't consider it a huge problem, but I also wasn't aware of how detrimental it is supposed to be for staff members.


BC April 17th, 2004 11:44 AM

Re: Re: Fraternization Policy
I just had the same experience and was great ! The members on the crew were very respectful and discrete. But, seemed very comfortable in my stateroom. I don't see any issues with the fraternization. It certainly made my trip great! Also, I actually saw a crew member "taking care" of a uniformed officer. No fantasy actually occured and I will now cruise very often !!

Have fun, it's worth it !

Bhang May 3rd, 2004 05:52 PM

Re: Re: Fraternization Policy
Heh heh..... the Sovereign, huh?
I just got off that ship recently.... and I COULD tell a story, but probably won't.

(big grin)

cruisechk6 May 3rd, 2004 07:41 PM

Re: Fraternization Policy
i work on the Pride and it is not aloud, if it happens and they are caught the crew is booted in the next port. It is a big NONO.

theonemermaid May 8th, 2004 03:49 PM

Re: Fraternization Policy
I went on a Carnival cruise over Easter and met an officer the first night on board. He did not come to my room as it was not allowed but I spent my entire cruise in his. We have kept in touch and e-mail on a daily basis. He is coming to visit me at the end of this contract and I am going on another cruise again in the fall as his guest.
He was not allowed to hold my hand or kiss me in public but was able to dance with me in the lounge. I think different cruise lines have different policies. Having "officer" status did allow him in all public areas at any time.

Dave the Wave May 10th, 2004 11:23 AM

Re: Re: Fraternization Policy
I worked in a similar situation in a resort hotel. I ran a pool and beach service. Although we were not allowed in the guests rooms, we always found a way to hook up. Sometimes I would take the service elevator and sneak in that way. I am sure this officer has a different guest in his cabin each cruise. Not a bad job in that regard. I wrote and kept in touch with some of them too but was always ready for the next one after she went home. I had a bumper sticker on my VW camper that said, "Tourist go home but leave your daughter"

GummyBear May 20th, 2004 09:10 AM

Re: Fraternization Policy

theonemermaid May 22nd, 2004 10:03 PM

Re: Fraternization Policy
We are still going strong after a month and 1/2 and exchanging many e-mails and pictures daily... He has given me his user name and password for his e-mail account and I can check it any time of the day... Besides me, it is only family and friends... He also calls me whenever he gets back into port and we exchange mail weekly through the good old US Postal Service... I seriously doubt he has a different girl every cruise... My server at dinner is a good friend of his and said he never dates and was very surprised that he was seeing me, as were some of the other officers... I am sure the language barrier plays a part of it but I am glad I have him to myself...
I am trying to teach myself his language and he is going to school to learn mine while he is off on leave... On line translation services work wonders... Sometimes life has a funny way of working out when you least expect it... I will see him in June, August and September then possibly a Halloween and New Years cruise... As his guest, I get to stay in his cabin... Right now, everything is day by day but our feelings for each other are growing stronger... I am not reading too much into the future but definitely taking the time to see what develops... If anyone has a chance to "fraternize" on board and the staff or crew will not get in trouble, I say "GO FOR IT" You never know who you can meet, or how much fun you can miss out on...

so so May 27th, 2004 12:48 PM

Re: Fraternization Policy
Is he an american citizen?

theonemermaid May 27th, 2004 08:36 PM

Re: Re: Fraternization Policy
No, he is European... Miami is the only place in the states he has ever been to....

Just curious, why do you ask?

so so May 28th, 2004 12:21 PM

Re: Fraternization Policy
sounds like he wants to be

theonemermaid May 28th, 2004 08:01 PM

Re: Re: Fraternization Policy
I would not mind it at all but when he gets tired of working for the cruise lines he is going home to turn his house into a bed and breakfast... He lives in an area that is high in tourism... I would not mind going to his country either but, one day at a time for now...
Thanks for answering my question...

Terry3891 May 30th, 2004 09:11 AM

Re: Fraternization Policy
On my first cruise a year ago, my stateroom attendant called on the phone and asked me out, while in Hamilton. I accepted. As it was my first time traveling anywhere outside my hometown area, I felt more comfortable seeing the nightlife with someone who has been there before. All went well. The problem I had was the next morning. When my Grandmother left the cabin, the stateroom attendant entered... KNOWING I was in there alone. I was FURIOUS and wish now I had done something about it. I know my Grandmother thought he was up to no good and I didn't want to cause any upset with her, so I told her he did not come in the room.

Hugs, Terry

pg. June 2nd, 2004 01:24 AM

Re: Fraternization Policy
Theonemermaid, Ask him if he wants to come to your country or if he wants you to come to his. I bet he wants to come to yours.
On the other hand I will try not to be to cynical , my friend met someone online and they ended up getting married, and this was 3 years ago and everything is fine, but , still, be careful with your heart.

margotshp June 2nd, 2004 05:58 AM

Re: Fraternization Policy
I don't know why soooo many Americans think everyone wants to live in their country!! That is not everyone's dream... !

Theonemermaid... don't listen to those theories... I belive your officer wants you because of you not your citizenship. Good luck! :)

Post Edited (06-02-04 06:05)

pg. June 2nd, 2004 08:35 PM

Re: Fraternization Policy
Margotship, I AM NOT AMERICAN , and you are correct it isn't my dream to be either! BUT!! Many other citizens of the world would love to be American, and not being a little bit skeptical of someones motives can get you into lots of trouble.Live and learn and try not to get really screwed up on the way!
I do hope her romance works out, but , it would not be the first time a young lady has had her heart broken by someone with less pure intentions.

margotshp June 3rd, 2004 03:08 AM

Re: Re: Fraternization Policy

PG, I understand your intensions, really! I also wish Theonemermaid all the best!!

Reading your message I assumed you are American.... [ sorry ] and wanted to say what I think. I used to date American [ Puerto Rican ] and many people from the ship thought I did that because of his passport... and it was not fair because I never ever thought of that.

Right now I'm with someone else I met on board... no one believed in his feelings to me but our love survived :)

Greetings from Poland!

Post Edited (06-03-04 03:09)

Cruising Babe June 7th, 2004 01:29 AM

Re: Fraternization Policy
I just got back from a cruise and I do not believe any of the workers follow the rules. The entire cruise I was asked by several different men to go out once on shore. A few nights the men bought me drinks, and we ended up kissing. It was fun, but they better watch out, because they could have easily been caught.

theonemermaid June 7th, 2004 12:20 PM

Re: Re: Fraternization Policy
Just out of curiosity, I did ask him if he wanted to live in the states and he has no desire to do so. He lives on a beautiful Island and sends me pictures of the Island daily... If I lived there, I would not want to leave that paradise to come to the Midwest of the States either... He has told me that he is in love with me but I am sure he will continue working for cruise ships for quite some time. He is only 27 and ships are in his family and in his blood... His father passed down his profession of being an Engineer to him... One day at a time for now. We are enjoying each other and who knows what the future will bring. If we have a future we will truly be blessed and I would pack up and relocate in a heart beat... If not, I have made a wonderful friend for life and it has truly been both a challenge and very exciting learning another language and learning about a different culture... On another positive note, I will certainly be doing much more cruising than I would have ever thought about or planned on had I not met him... He is waiting to find out where his next contract is so we can make plans... Life has a funny way of working out different that you plan or expect and I do not think anyone really knows what their future has in store for them... My motto is "Live life one day at a time and be grateful for what that day has brought" !!! Cheers!!!!!

angies June 14th, 2004 11:01 PM

Re: Fraternization Policy
This message is for theonemermaid:

I was wondering if you could tell me the name of the officer you met and the ship he is on? I too met an officer on a ship and had a great time and also spent most of the cruise in his cabin. Your story sounds so much like mine it's got me thinking and a little worried, I guess. If you can't tell me his name, please just tell me his job on the ship and what ship he is on. I would really appreciate it and hopefully put both of our minds at ease. Thanks.

theonemermaid June 15th, 2004 09:55 PM

Re: Re: Fraternization Policy
Hi Angies~

He is an engineer and was on the Fascination but is currently in-between contracts... I know for a fact that he has not exchanged e-mails with anyone but family and myself as I have his e-mail address and password, and still receive between 2 and 5 e-mails daily and photos of both him and of his country... Hopefully this does not sound too familiar... I'd love to hear back from you... You know how the saying goes "curiosity killed the cat"

Have a great day!

angies June 16th, 2004 01:57 PM

Re: Re: Re: Fraternization Policy
Hello theonemermaid,

Thanks for putting my mind to ease. I met my officer on the Fascination also. I made the mistake of not giving him any of my information and now I am kicking myself. I have contacted Carnival Cruise Line and they told me he is no longer with the company. I just cruised the week of 5/31/04. My friend told me he was going to have a month leave, so I think someone has the wrong information. I guess if it's meant for me to find him, I will.

I wish you all the best with your friend, I hope I didn't worry you. Thank you so much for emailing me so fast. Take care. Angie.

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