HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's work boots size 14-16 (used).
2. Place them on front porch, along with a copy of Gun And Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
"Big Jim, Duke, Slim, and me gone for more ammunition.
Will be back in one hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls-- they attacked
the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer
took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I
locked all of the dog's in the house. Better just wait outside until we
can get back."